Written by Joe Janes
11/30/09
316 of 365
Cast
Richard, 20s
Dow, 20s
Blair, 20s
The Man, 40s
(Lights up on Blair, Dow and Richard. Richard has half of his body laid out on a chair or two while the rest of his body sits/lies on the floor. Dow is flat on his back with his knees up. Blair stands downstage, wide-eyed, facing out, smiling. Out of boredom, Dow forces air out of pursed lips. He does this a few times until he starts to play with the sounds he is making. Making it staccato. Richard begins to wake up. He glares at Dow, who does not notice him. He crawls over and smacks his hand over Dow’s mouth mid-expulsion. He removes his hand, Dow continues the razzberry sound. Richard slaps his hand back. Every time he removes it, the sound continues until Dow is finally out of air. Once Richard is sure Dow won’t continue, he crawls back to his napping position and closes his eyes. Dow sits up. He looks at Blair and he looks over at Richard. He slowly crawls over to Richard and gets right up next to his ear. He takes a deep breath and-
BLAIR
I don’t have his phone number.
(Richard and Dow look at her.)
BLAIR
I don’t have his phone number.
(Richard and Dow look at one another and then back at Blair.)
RICHARD AND DOW
We don’t have a phone.
BLAIR
Still. I would rather have his phone number and not be able to call then to not have his phone number and not be able to call. That’s two reasons to not call. Having only one reason not to be able to call puts me closer to calling and hearing his voice.
RICHARD
But you have two reasons.
DOW
Three really.
RICHARD
Really?
DOW
No phone, no phone number.
RICHARD
That’s two.
DOW
She didn’t have it and lost it. She never had it. She doesn’t have his phone number because he didn’t give it to her. Three.
RICHARD
Two and a half.
BLAIR
He’ll come by. He’ll come by, again and I’ll be here. Waiting for him. (She puts her hand out and presses it against a glass pane.) He’ll come by.
DOW
Unless he’s waiting for you to call first.
(Richard slaps him.)
DOW
Ow!
RICHARD
You had a something… I got it.
(Blair sits down and starts crying. Richard and Dow rush over to tend to her.)
DOW
No, no, no, no….
RICHARD
Hey, hey, hey, hey…
DOW
He’ll be by.
RICHARD
Sure he will.
DOW
Any second now.
(They all three stop and look out. She goes back to crying.)
RICHARD
Soon. He’ll be by soon. He likes you.
BLAIR
Does he?
RICHARD
Of course he does. Everyone does. We like you.
DOW
He told me.
BLAIR
He told you?
DOW
Yes. With his eyes.
RICHARD
It’s written all over his face.
DOW
In big, simple words. Even I understand it.
RICHARD
He likes you.
BLAIR
He won’t like me if he sees me crying. (She starts to wipe her eyes.)
DOW
There you go.
RICHARD
That’s better.
(Richard and Dow stay crouched down as she gets up and looks out, again, smiling. Dow is about to say something. Richard, without looking, reaches over and smacks him.)
DOW
Hey! What was that for?
RICHARD
You were about to say something.
DOW
But I didn’t.
RICHARD
You were about to.
(He steams in silence for a moment.)
DOW
I was just going to say, if he doesn’t come, he’ll have me to answer to.
(Richard slaps his own forehead.)
BLAIR
You don’t think he’ll come?
DOW
Oh, he’ll come. But if he doesn’t. He has me to answer. Me, (holds up his fists) Lois and Fergie.
BLAIR
I see him.
(The man approaches from the audience to the front of the stage. He opens a small door and places three bananas inside of it. Richard grabs the bananas and hands one to Dow and one to Blair. Blair doesn’t take it. Richard tears it in half and he and Dow hungrily woof eat all the fruit. The man shuts the door and turns to leave. Blair lightly taps on the glass. He stops. Turns and looks at her. He opens the small door again and hands a banana out just for her. She shyly takes it from him, being sure to touch his hand in the process. He shuts the door turns and leaves. She holds the banana to her chest.)
DOW
Told you he liked you.
RICHARD
We were right.
(Blair is in heaven.)
DOW
You still don’t have his number.
(She throws the banana down and stomps off to the back. Dow and Richard fight over the banana as Blair tries to find an exit stage left or stage right for which to continue her stomping off. Lights fade.)
