Written by Joe Janes
4/17/09
89 of 365
CAST
Roy, 20s
Bud, 20s
Stella, 20s
(Lights up on Roy, a tall skinny man with a goatee, standing behind the counter of a coffee shop, reading a paperback book. Bud, in business casual office attire, enters. He looks around and avoids eye contact with Roy.)
ROY
Can I help you?BUD
No. That’s okay.(Pause)
ROY
You have to buy some coffee or something. You can’t just stand around.BUD
Is Stella here?ROY
She’s on break.BUD
Oh. (Looks at watch) I’ll wait, then.ROY
You can’t just wait. You have to buy something. No loitering.BUD
Fine. A cup of coffee. Black. For here.(Roy gets him a cup.)
BUD (continuing)
I’m not a loiterer. I have a purpose.(Roy shrugs)
ROY
$1.75BUD
Here. (Hands him two bucks.) Keep the change.(Stella enters from the back of the shop.)
STELLA
I’m back, Roy.(Bud sees her and turns his back away from her. He quickly downs the hot coffee as best he can while burning his mouth and throat and making muffled sounds appropriate to such actions. Roy and Stella watch him. When he’s done, Bud turns to face them.)
ROY
I’m going to go on my break. Good luck with lover boy.(He exits.)
STELLA
Hi, Bud.BUD
Hi, Stella.STELLA
What can I get for you today?BUD
Oh, uh, just a refill.(She gets him a refill as Bud watches her nervously.)
STELLA
Here you go. Fifty cents.BUD (handing her a dollar)
Keep the change.(Pause)
STELLA
Can I get you anything else?BUD
Well, I was wondering-STELLA
Yes?(A desk bell ring is heard and lights shift to something more romantic. Bud rips open his shirt revealing a “Wrath of Kahn”-like chest. Stella’s hair blows in a breeze.)
BUD
Stella, I come her every Tuesday on my afternoon break from work just to see you.STELLA
Just to see me, Bud.BUD
Your green eyes and that green apron haunt my soul throughout the week. I long to taste the full caffeinated impact of your lips.STELLA
Oh, Bud. No cream or sugar?BUD
I like my women like I like my coffee. Draped in velvet and lying across my four-poster bed. And possibly a horse is involved.(Desk bell rings. Lights turn to normal. Bud quickly buttons up his shirt.)
STELLA
Can I get you anything else?BUD
Well, I was wondering-STELLA
Yes?(Desk bell rings and lights shift. Stella comes out from behind the counter taking revealing she’s wearing fishnet stockings.)
STELLA (continuing)
Get down on your knees, scum. What do you want in your coffee?BUD
You, Mistress Stella, you!STELLA
Lick my Doc Martens.(He does so. The desk bell rings and they return to their original positions as lights shift back to normal.)
STELLA
Can I get you anything else?BUD
Well, I was wondering-STELLA
Yes?(Desk bell rings, lights shift, they haven’t moved.)
BUD
I just want to tell you the truth. I don’t know why, but I think about you all the time. Your smile, your voice, and, yes, I’ll say it, even your magnificent ass. Life is short. Too short not to navigate life’s waters with my impulses. My urges. For instance, my urge to press that coffee stained bosom-loaded polo shirt against my chest. My urge to see what’s under that green apron of yours. I want to tamp down your espresso pod and pour my frothy steamed milk over the top.STELLA (breathy and hot)
As a barista, I must tell you, that last sentence didn’t make sense.(Desk bell rings, lights go back to normal.)
STELLA
Can I get you anything else?BUD
Well, I was wondering-STELLA
Yes?BUD
I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time.STELLA
What’s the point?BUD
The point?STELLA
Does it matter? Does it really matter? We’ll both be dead soon.BUD
We will?STELLA
Sure. BUD
When?STELLA
Maybe 40 years. 50, if we’re lucky.BUD
That doesn’t seem so soon.STELLA
It doesn’t now. It will on the other end. You’ll wonder where the time went. My point is there is no point. It doesn’t matter if we go out on a date. It doesn’t matter if we kiss. It doesn’t matter if we marry, copulate, procreate or just recreate till our bodies crumble. In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t make a difference. The universe doesn’t care. The universe is decidedly unabashedly unaffected by what happens here, right now, in this moment. BUD
It if doesn’t matter, can’t we just get together because we want to?STELLA
That’s the only reason there is, BUD
Our we really having this conversation?STELLA
Yes.BUD
Do you want to go out with me?STELLA
Yes. Just not for coffee. BUD
Dinner?STELLA
I get off at six.BUD
Okay, then. I’ll see you at six.(He exits. Roy returns, reading his book.)
ROY
Lover boy finally ask you out?STELLA
Yeah.ROY
You say yes?STELLA
Yeah.ROY
Think it will go anywhere?STELLA (nonchalantly)
No.(Lights fade as Stella wipes down the counter.)
