Written by Joe Janes
3/29/09
70 of 365
Cast
Joe, late teens
Nadine, mid-30s
Rob, Jr, mid-40s
(Lights up on Joe in the small control room of a tiny radio station. He is getting ready to speak on the microphone as a lush instrumental song winds down.)
JOE
That’s “Leaving On A Jet Plane” as performed by 101 Strings. I think they cheated. I only counted 98. It’s ten minutes before the hour and time for Bulletin Board. The Erie Township Volunteer Fire Department is holding their annual Christmas in July fund-raiser. Join them this Saturday for games for the kids, chicken or muskrat dinner, and candy canes… and candy canes. And how about some Hot Buttered Popcorn?
(He turns on the turntable and turns down his mic. The instrumental “Hot Buttered Popcorn” plays. Joe takes off his headphones and sits back. Nadine quickly enters and closes the door behind her. She leans against the door.)
NADINE
Don’t do it.
JOE
Do what?
NADINE
Don’t do it, Joey.
JOE
Do what, Nadine?
NADINE
Just think it over. Think it over carefully.
JOE
We’ve already picked out rings.
NADINE
Listen to me. I don’t hate it here, but I hate it here. I got married after high school. 20 years later, I’ve got an asshole husband, kids that I love but they make me feel like my feet are in cement, I work a crappy job selling radio advertising for a dime and I drink too much. Don’t you see? There are things I wanted to do.
JOE
20 years?
NADINE
I meant ten.
JOE
I love Melinda.
NADINE
She’s a doll. You’ll end up hating her guts if you don’t get out of here.
JOE
How do you know that? You can’t know that.
NADINE
I see it all around me. This town eats people’s souls. Go to college. Experience life. Del Close said he’d give you a job at Second City.
JOE
He didn’t say that. He just asked me if I wanted to get high.
NADINE
Are you going to be happy here wondering what could have happened? You can’t support a family working here. You’ll end up working at U.S Gypsum or selling real estate. You’ll be overweight and alcoholic, trying to sleep with women half your age, and in the back of your mind will be a festering rotting dream that every once in awhile gives you
a headache that wonders what would have happened. What would have happened? Could you be on Saturday Night Live, could you be making movies or on TV?
JOE
We’re picking out the rings tomorrow.(She kisses Joe on the forehead and looks him in the eye.)
NADINE
Don’t do it.
(She exits. Joe cues up another record. Rob enters and stands quietly for a moment.)
ROB
Joe J., I meant to mention this earlier. Is that a t-shirt you’re wearing?
JOE
Oh, yeah, I saw Woody Herman play last night. He was great. I didn’t think you’d mind. It’s Woody Herman; it’s a nice t-shirt. Cost me $20, more than I’d spend on a real shirt.
ROB
Yes, well, you know we do have a dress code. We have to look professional.
JOE
Yep. You never know who might be listening.
ROB
Don’t let it happen again, Joe J.
JOE
I won’t, Rob.
(Rob gives one good affirmative nod and exits. Joe locks the door. He cues up a different record. Drags the needle across the record currently playing and starts the other one. “Dog & Butterfly” by Heart plays as the lights fade.)
