Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Week 41, Day 283 - "Little Drummer Boy"

“Little Drummer Boy”

Written by Joe Janes

10/28/09

283 of 365

CAST

Joseph, 20s

Mary, 20s

Little Drummer Boy, 10

Cow

Lamb

Baby Jesus

Al, 20s

(Lights up on Mary, Joseph and Jesus away in a manger flanked by a cow and a lamb. If possible, we see the head of an adult actor on top of a baby’s body for Jesus. A boy with a drum shyly enters.)

MARY

Hello.

JOSEPH

Come on out, little boy. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

(The drummer boy sheepishly steps forward.)

MARY

What can we do for you?

LDB

I heard there was a newborn king here. I came to look upon him.

JOSEPH

Step closer then. Say hello to baby Jesus.

LDB

Hi. He’s cute. I can see a family resemblance. (To Joseph) He has your eyes.

JOSEPH

Yeah, let’s not talk about that.

LDB

May I give him a gift?

MARY

Sure.

LDB

You see, I’m a poor boy, too.

MARY

You can put it over there, next to the gold.

LDB

Oh.

JOSEPH

We really don’t need any more gifts.

LDB

May I play the drum for him? I will play my very best.

(Mary nods. The Little Drummer prepares himself. He takes a quiet moment and then starts railing on that fucking drum so loudly and so obnoxiously it startles everyone. Mary and Joseph try to retain polite smiles. The cow starts moo-ing, the lamb starts bleating and they both start running around. Perhaps the lamb begins dropping Raisinettes out of its behind. Baby Jesus is wailing.)

MARY

Okay! Okay! That’s enough, thank you!

(Joseph gets up and takes the drum and throws it on the ground.)

JOSEPH

Enough with that awful noise!

(The Little Drummer Boy looks petrified as the animals and Baby Jesus begin to calm down. The Little Drummer boy runs off crying. Joseph returns to Mary.)

MARY

He meant well.

JOSEPH

What were we thinking? There can’t possibly be anything more annoying in the world than a boy banging on a drum.

(Al enters.)

AL

Hi. May I come in?

MARY

What do you do?

AL

I play Andrew Lloyd Webber songs on the accordion while stomping on broken glass in my bare feet and mewling like a cat in heat.

(Joseph and Mary look at one another.)

JOSEPH

Sure, come on in.

(Blackout)