Week 42, Day 291 - "Excursion Into Philosophy"

“Excursion Into Philosophy”

Written by Joe Janes

11/05/09

291 of 365

CAST:

Ernst, 40s

Marla, 20s

(Lights up on Ernst sitting on the edge of a twin bed. He is fully dressed and an open book sits next to him. Behind him, with her back turned, lies Marla asleep in a slip. Ernst looks deep in thought, but hard to read emotionally. He gets up and looks in a downstage mirror, unseen by the audience. He regards his face with concern. He sits back down and picks up the book. He struggles to read it without glasses.)

ERNST

The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.

(Marla stretches and her hand falls on Ernst’s arm. Puzzled, she looks around the room. She takes her hand off his arm and scoots down to the end of the bed and gets up. She finds her blue uniform slacks and slips them on.)

MARLA

I don’t do this.

ERNST

Really? You’re very good at it.

MARLA

That’s not funny.

(She slips on her matching blue uniform jacket, but does not button it up. She sits on the bed.)

MARLA

What time is it?

ERNST (looking at his watch)

Six am.

MARLA

It’s so bright out.

ERNST

Yes.

MARLA

I can’t go out like this. I look ridiculous.

ERNST

It’s New York. You could walk down Broadway naked with a feather sticking out of your rump and no one would notice.

MARLA

Really.

ERNST

Well, I’d notice.

MARLA

You look cleaned up.

ERNST

I didn’t sleep.

MARLA

It’s not fair.

ERNST

Don’t leave. Go back to bed. We have the room till noon.

(She finds her shoes and puts them on.)

MARLA

I can’t do that. You’re a stranger.

ERNST

We’re still strangers?

MARLA

You know what I mean.

(She looks in the mirror and pulls her hair back. He stands behind her.)

ERNST

Do you see what you want to see when you look in the mirror?

MARLA

I don’t know. It’s just me. I don’t like my nose. (She looks at him and touches his cheek.) What about you?

ERNST

I don’t like what I see at all. I always expect to see a younger man looking back at me. And every time, it’s this man who keeps looking older and older. More gray. Baggier eyes. (He looks in the mirror.) I don’t know that guy.

MARLA

You look good for your age.

ERNST

Thanks and ouch.

(He sits back down and she moves to the door to leave.)

MARLA

I’m sorry about your wife.

(He looks at her blankly, at first, and then we see a sadness emerge. He looks away. She sits back down on the bed. She takes his hand and they sit in silence for a moment.)

ERNST

You know, you’re not so much a stranger to me. (She looks at him.) I saw you eating lunch yesterday. I was sitting on the other side of the café. I watch people and I saw you nibbling at your tuna salad sandwich like a bunny.

MARLA

I do not.

ERNST

Yes. You do. (He imitates her eating.) It was adorable. The café was crowded. You were alone.

MARLA

So many people in this city and I don’t know anyone.

ERNST

Then I saw you again in the afternoon at the drug store buying toothpaste and “Movie Mirror” magazine. Reading that magazine later in the park. And then I saw you on your way to work. Struck up a conversation about Jimmy Stewart on your way home.

(She gets up and moves towards the door.)

MARLA

I need to go.

ERNST

It’s not as bad as it sounds. You just fell victim to a lonely actor with a day off.

MARLA

That’s how you spend your free time? Hunting conquests?

(Ernst is silent. Marla opens the door.)

ERNST

Don’t forget your book.

MARLA

It’s not my book.

ERNST

It’s not mine.

(She closes the door, returns to the bed and picks up the book.)

MARLA

The Gideons must be expanding their library. (She reads from it.) How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state? (She puts the book down.) I can’t go out like this.

ERNST

Don’t.

(They stare at one another as lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 286 - "Hotel Room"

“Hotel Room”

Written by Joe Janes

10/31/09

286 of 365

Cast:

Lorelei, 20s

Stu, 30s

(Lights up on Lorelei sitting on the edge of the bed in a small hotel room. Two packed suitcases are near the foot of the bed. One is a man’s satchel and the other is a simple case likely belonging to her. A fancy lady’s hat sits on the tall dresser. Her shoes lie unsettled on the floor. Her dress is draped across a chair. She is in a shoulderless or spaghetti-strapped red teddy. She is holding a creased letter open and lengthwise. The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. And it stops. Silence. Lorelei stands. Looks around the room. She isn’t sure which way she needs to go. She sits back down. There is a knock at the door.)

LOREILI

John?

STU (through the door)

It’s the day manager, ma’am.

LOREILI

Oh.

(Pause)

STU (through door)

Could you open the door, please, ma’am?

LOREILI

I’m not a ma’am. Please stop calling me that.

STU (through door)

Sorry…miss.

LOREILI

I have a name and it’s Lorelei. Lorelei Candini. I’m from Ohio.

STU (through door)

Miss Candini? Can I come in?

LOREILI

No, you may not come in. I am not decent.

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover would like his satchel.

LOREILI

What?

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover, the man who leased this room, would like me to retrieve his satchel. (Lorelei picks up the satchel) If you don’t mind, you could just pass it through the door. Won’t take a moment. And I promise to shut my eyes.

(She opens the satchel and pulls out a stethoscope and a bottle of pills.)

LOREILI

If he wants it, he can come get it himself.

STU (through door)

I don’t think he can. He’s not here in person. He sent a messenger.

(She puts the stethoscope back, but keeps the pills. She rattles the bottle and listens to it.)

LOREILI

Does the messenger have a message for me?

STU (through the door)

Just that Mr. Stover would like his satchel. And that he’s here to get it for him. (Pause) So, can I get-

(She opens the door. She stands there hold the satchel. Stu looks at her wide-eyed and surprised. She throws the satchel to him.)

LOREILI

Here.

STU

Thank you.

LOREILI

His name’s not Stover. And he’s not a mister he’s a doctor.

STU

I will take that into account.

LOREILI

Is there anything else?

STU

I can’t think of anything. No. Yes. The room. Will you be staying? You only have it until 11.

LOREILI

Where am I going to go?

STU

I don’t know.

LOREILI

I don’t know, either. I moved out of the boarding house yesterday. I quit my job at the cinema last week. Mel liked me, though. He’d hire me back, wouldn’t he?

STU

I see absolutely no reason why not.

LOREILI

I can’t go back to Ohio. I can’t. I just can’t.

STU

I know. I’m from Toledo.

(She nods. She becomes aware that Stu is staring at her body. Embarrassed, she folds her arms in front of her. Stu clamps his hand over his eyes.)

STU (continuing)

I am so sorry.

(She quickly shuts the door.)

STU (continuing, through the door)

Miss Candini, you have the room until 11. But if you want to stay, you’ll have to come down to the front desk and re-register. The room’s in Mr. Stover’s name and he checked out. And you need to pay in advance for however long you want to stay. Okay? Did you hear me?

(She looks at the pills.)

LOREILI

I heard you.

STU (through door)

Okay, then. I’m going to give this bag to the messenger. If you need anything else, call down to the front desk. My name is Stuart, but it’s all right to call me Stu.

(Pause)

LOREILI

Are you still there, Stu?

STU (through door)

Yes.

(She nods to herself. Then shakes her head. Puts the pills on the dresser. She stands there for a moment. Lights fade.)

Week 41, Day 286 - "Hotel Room"

“Hotel Room”

Written by Joe Janes

10/31/09

286 of 365

Cast:

Lorelei, 20s

Stu, 30s

(Lights up on Lorelei sitting on the edge of the bed in a small hotel room. Two packed suitcases are near the foot of the bed. One is a man’s satchel and the other is a simple case likely belonging to her. A fancy lady’s hat sits on the tall dresser. Her shoes lie unsettled on the floor. Her dress is draped across a chair. She is in a shoulderless or spaghetti-strapped red teddy. She is holding a creased letter open and lengthwise. The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. And it stops. Silence. Lorelei stands. Looks around the room. She isn’t sure which way she needs to go. She sits back down. There is a knock at the door.)

LOREILI

John?

STU (through the door)

It’s the day manager, ma’am.

LOREILI

Oh.

(Pause)

STU (through door)

Could you open the door, please, ma’am?

LOREILI

I’m not a ma’am. Please stop calling me that.

STU (through door)

Sorry…miss.

LOREILI

I have a name and it’s Lorelei. Lorelei Candini. I’m from Ohio.

STU (through door)

Miss Candini? Can I come in?

LOREILI

No, you may not come in. I am not decent.

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover would like his satchel.

LOREILI

What?

STU (through door)

Mr. Stover, the man who leased this room, would like me to retrieve his satchel. (Lorelei picks up the satchel) If you don’t mind, you could just pass it through the door. Won’t take a moment. And I promise to shut my eyes.

(She opens the satchel and pulls out a stethoscope and a bottle of pills.)

LOREILI

If he wants it, he can come get it himself.

STU (through door)

I don’t think he can. He’s not here in person. He sent a messenger.

(She puts the stethoscope back, but keeps the pills. She rattles the bottle and listens to it.)

LOREILI

Does the messenger have a message for me?

STU (through the door)

Just that Mr. Stover would like his satchel. And that he’s here to get it for him. (Pause) So, can I get-

(She opens the door. She stands there hold the satchel. Stu looks at her wide-eyed and surprised. She throws the satchel to him.)

LOREILI

Here.

STU

Thank you.

LOREILI

His name’s not Stover. And he’s not a mister he’s a doctor.

STU

I will take that into account.

LOREILI

Is there anything else?

STU

I can’t think of anything. No. Yes. The room. Will you be staying? You only have it until 11.

LOREILI

Where am I going to go?

STU

I don’t know.

LOREILI

I don’t know, either. I moved out of the boarding house yesterday. I quit my job at the cinema last week. Mel liked me, though. He’d hire me back, wouldn’t he?

STU

I see absolutely no reason why not.

LOREILI

I can’t go back to Ohio. I can’t. I just can’t.

STU

I know. I’m from Toledo.

(She nods. She becomes aware that Stu is staring at her body. Embarrassed, she folds her arms in front of her. Stu clamps his hand over his eyes.)

STU (continuing)

I am so sorry.

(She quickly shuts the door.)

STU (continuing, through the door)

Miss Candini, you have the room until 11. But if you want to stay, you’ll have to come down to the front desk and re-register. The room’s in Mr. Stover’s name and he checked out. And you need to pay in advance for however long you want to stay. Okay? Did you hear me?

(She looks at the pills.)

LOREILI

I heard you.

STU (through door)

Okay, then. I’m going to give this bag to the messenger. If you need anything else, call down to the front desk. My name is Stuart, but it’s all right to call me Stu.

(Pause)

LOREILI

Are you still there, Stu?

STU (through door)

Yes.

(She nods to herself. Then shakes her head. Puts the pills on the dresser. She stands there for a moment. Lights fade.)

Week 40, Day 277 - "Dayhawks"

“Dayhawks”

Written by Joe Janes

10/22/09

277 of 365

Cast

Bernie, 40s

Len, 30s

(Lights up on a diner. Len is behind the counter cleaning shelves we cannot see. Bernie, in a dark suit and hat, enters. He walks with a slight limp. Len keeps his eye on him. Bernie keeps his eye on a spot outside the diner. He takes a seat at the counter, again, without looking at Len. He knocks on the counter. Len produces a cup of coffee. Bernie grabs it and takes a sip while his attention is still outside on something across the street. Bernie puts the mug back on the counter and taps again. Len produces a small decanter of cream and a sugar dispenser. Bernie points out the window until Len gets the hint and looks out. Bernie quickly adds cream and sugar to his coffee and takes another sip.)

BERNIE

Okay.

(Bernie goes back to looking out as Len goes back to looking at Bernie.)

LEN

I don’t even know what I’m watching.

BERNIE

Did you see anything at all?

LEN

No.

BERNIE

You did good.

(Len grabs a menu from under the counter and sets it in front of Bernie.)

BERNIE (continuing)

I ain’t hungry.

LEN

Burger and fries, then?

BERNIE

I ain’t hungry. I ate before I came.

LEN

What kind of jackass eats before coming to a diner?

(Len takes the menu back and walks off stage for a moment. Bernie keeps looking out. Bernie sees something. He takes out a small notepad and jots something down.)

LEN (re-enters)

What did I miss? The pope ride by on a unicycle?

BERNIE

Just doing my job.

LEN

Yeah. That’s what you’ve said every day this week. I wonder what the police think about your job.

BERNIE

I’m a dick.

LEN

No kidding.

BERNIE

My job is to keep an eye on that office across the street. There’s a secretary who works there who may or may not have loose bloomers. Her husband wants me to find out.

LEN

You think her bloomers are loose?

BERNIE

The way she’s built, ain’t nothing loose on that ship. But I think her boss may be swabbing her decks.

LEN

The brunette with the caboose.

BERNIE

That’s the one.

LEN

She walks by the window and I have to stop whatever I’m doing. Be a shame if that train only had one rider.

BERNIE

I like her better as a ship.

LEN

You’re the pro.

BERNIE

She ever come in here?

LEN

A dame like that? Never. If she came in here, I’d remove the stool she sat on, take it home, get it drunk and make love to it. (Bernie) What?

BERNIE

Stick to trains.

LEN

You gonna sit there all day and only drink one cup of coffee?

BERNIE

I’m here until she’s not there. Have to earn my fifty bucks a day.

LEN

How can you drink coffee all day and never get and go to the bathroom?

BERNIE

Thank Hitler.

LEN

I’d rather not.

BERNIE

Caught some shrapnel from a kraut grenade in a very bad place. I fight the Nazis and get thanked with the ability to pee through a rubber tube into a small bottle strapped to my leg.

LEN

You sit there and pee right there at my counter?

BERNIE

Any time I like.

LEN

You peeing right now?

BERNIE

Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. (He smiles at Len and quite possibly is relieving himself while doing it. Len looks away and can see the woman.)

LEN

Hey, Niagra. It’s dreamboat.

(Bernie sees her, too, and takes out his notebook, again. Len exits.) There she is, again. Filing. Filing very slowly. Very, very slowly.

(Bernie continues to watch and scribble. He stops. She has apparently moved away. He puts the notebook back in his jacket and sips more coffee. Len returns with a plate, a hamburger and fries. He sets it down in front of Bernie.)

BERNIE (continuing)

What’s this?

LEN

Just doing my job.

(Len sets down the bill. Steps back and crosses his arms. Bernie goes back to watching the office as he taps on the counter. Len produces a bottle of ketchup and salt and pepper. Bernie points. Len takes over being lookout as Bernie dresses his food. Lights fade.)

Week 40, Day 276 - "Room in New York"

“Room in New York”

Written by Joe Janes

10/21/09

276 of 365

CAST

William, 20s

Shelly, 20s

(Lights up on a very small New York apartment. William sits in an upholstered chair leaning forward while reading a newspaper. He wears dark slacks, matching vest and tie and a white shirt. Shelly sits at an upright piano facing him. Between them is a small round table that also doubles as their dining table. Shelly wears a nice red dress. Her black hair pulled back. She is watching William read. He is oblivious to this. Clear she is not going to get his attention, she looks around the room, out the window and to the piano. Her lower body still faces William; she turns her upper body to softly strike a note or two on the piano.)

SHELLY

I’m going to make dinner.

WILLIAM (still reading)

Okay.

(She makes no move to get up and still plays the piano softly plunking a key or two without any intention to play a tune.)

SHELLY

That new chop suey place opened up down the street.

WILLIAM

I saw.

SHELLY

We could try it out. (William looks up from his paper.) Or not. (William goes back to his paper. More silence as he reads and as she occasionally breaks the silence with a poke at the piano keys.) Oh, I talked to Thelma today. She called next door and Mrs. Murphy was nice enough to let me take it, even though it wasn’t an emergency. She and Ernst are driving into the city to have dinner and go see a play called “The Gay Scoundrel.” Doesn’t that sound like fun?

WILLIAM

I hate drama.

SHELLY

It’s supposed to be madcap. She said it was about a scoundrel who shows up at the reading of a will and pretends to be a long lost relative. Thelma said it was madcap. (William does not look up from his paper. Shelly continues to ponder the piano.) What is madcap?

WILLIAM

Silly hat.

SHELLY

Right. Mad cap. Of course. They must wear silly hats in the play. Sounds like fun. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

WILLIAM

I hate drama.

SHELLY

I know. Just thought we’d do something different. I haven’t seen Thelma in ages. And you like Ernst-

WILLIAM (matter-of-factly)

I don’t like Ernst.

SHELLY

I told them about the chop suey place. I don’t think they’re going to go there, though. Ernst doesn’t like exotic food.

WILLIAM

Shelly. I’ve been on my feet all day. I like coming home and reading the paper.

SHELLY

We could just go for a walk.

WILLIAM

My feet are killing me.

(Shelly looks at William as he continues reading. She looks quietly exasperated, close to tears. She calms herself and returns to the piano. She hits a few notes quietly and then one note loud and with much discord. William looks at her, she does not turn toward him.)

WILLIAM

You look pretty.

SHELLY

I know.

(He goes back to reading.)

SHELLY

That’s yesterday’s newspaper.

(William checks it out.)

WILLIAM

So, it is.

SHELLY

And you haven’t turned the page in quite some time.

WILLIAM

I’ve been reading the same paragraph over and over. Something about powdered milk.

SHELLY

I’m dying in this place, William.

WILLIAM

We’ve talked about this.

SHELLY

I know.

WILLIAM

I’m not made of money. Times are hard. I’m lucky to have a job. Things will get better.

SHELLY (she looks at him)

When?

WILLIAM (he returns the gaze)

When they do.

(He retreats to the newspaper. She looks at the piano. She turns back towards him suddenly. He looks up. She slowly reaches across the table and takes the newspaper from him. She looks devilish. She takes one of the pages and folds it into a paper hat. William watches helplessly. She sets the hat on William’s head.)

SHELLY

Mad cap.

(William stands.)

WILLIAM

Well, since I have on my best chapeau, would the lady like to accompany me and perhaps share a small plate of finely chopped suey?

SHELLY (standing)

The lady would.

(He takes her arm. They turn toward the door, standing, not moving. Lights fade.)

Week 37, Day 255 - "Lighthouse Hill"

“Lighthouse Hill”

Written by Joe Janes

9/30/09

255 of 365

CAST

Caleb, 50s

Edward, 20s

(Lights up on Caleb in his lighthouse keeper uniform, similar to a train conductor’s outfit. He stands at the level below the lantern of a Maine lighthouse looking out over the rail. He is a stout, proud man. He hears sea gulls and watches a flock of them fly across the shore. We hear footsteps climbing up an iron staircase behind him. We hear a metal can full of liquid drop on the stairs and clunkety-clunk their way down.)

EDWARD (offstage and retreating downstairs)

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-

CALEB

Language!

EDWARD (from farther off)

Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

(Edward has retrieved the heavy full metal fuel oil can and quickly runs back up the stairs and out onto the landing with Caleb. He is completely out of breath. Caleb takes a watch out of his pocket and checks the time. He then removes a slim ledger from his breast pocket and makes a note.)

EDWARD

Mother is expecting you for supper.

CALEB

We’ll see.

EDWARD

I can take over your watch.

(Caleb clearly does not like this idea.)

EDWARD (continuing)

It’s clear. No clouds. (Caleb points off.) Barely a cloud. Light wind. Beautiful day. Nothing could happen.

(Caleb continues looking out at the sea.)

EDWARD (Continuing)

You’d let Tobias.

CALEB

Tobias isn’t here. And, furthermore, I would not. Not anymore. Neither you nor your brother knows what a lighthouse means to a ship out at sea.

EDWARD

Sure, I do. It means, “Hey, look… a lighthouse.”

(Caleb looks disappointed.)

EDWARD (continuing)

What does it mean, Father?

CALEB

Put yourself in the shoes of that sea captain out there.

EDWARD

Where?

CALEB

Follow my arm. (He points out.) See that small glimmer on the horizon? That’s a freighter. Imagine you’ve been crossing the Atlantic for months. Nothing to see but waves and water for miles for days, for weeks. He’s at the wheel and sees us. What do you think is going through his mind, right now?

EDWARD

“Hooray”?

CALEB

“Safe.” Safe at last. Untethered at sea. No land in sight. We could be lost. We may never get home. This lighthouse is a visual life preserver. It means he’s almost home. Safe, at home. All because we’re standing here. I’m standing here. Always here. Always safe. They depend on the lighthouse. They depend on me. The lighthouse depends on me. Dependable. Safe. Like my father before me and my father’s father.

(Edward stands at the rail, emulating his father’s proud stance.)

EDWARD

Tobias will feel the same way when he comes home.

CALEB

I told him not to bother ever coming home.

EDWARD

No, you didn’t. You didn’t speak to him for several days before he left.

CALEB

He knows. He knows.

EDWARD

He’ll come home. Eventually. And he’ll expect to see you standing here. And it will make him feel safe.

(Caleb is silent.)

EDWARD (continuing)

He spoke to me just before he left. He told me to take care of you. Bring you fuel for the lantern. Bring you plates of food. Make sure you rested. “Take care of the lighthouse keeper, he said.” Didn’t even call you dad. Take care of the lighthouse keeper.

(Caleb is still silent.)

EDWARD (continuing)

Soldiers come home on ships, too, don’t they?

CALEB

I suppose.

EDWARD

Mother made you supper. Fried chicken. Scalloped potatoes. Green beans. All your favorites.

CALEB

You could have brought me a plate.

EDWARD

Mother was hoping you’d sit at the table with her.

(Caleb looks up at the sky.)

EDWARD (continuing)

I can refill the lantern.

(Caleb looks at him with disbelief.)

EDWARD (continuing)

No spills. No fires. Other than the lantern. I’ll even trim the wick. And I’ll stand here. After I do all the other stuff. I’ll stand here just like you and let the ships know they are safe.

(Caleb considers this.)

EDWARD (continuing)

And I will only use the foghorn if there is fog. It is not a plaything.

(Caleb sees potential in his son. He hands Edward his pocket watch. Edward takes it, smiling. Caleb also hands Edward his ledger and pen. Edward graciously accepts it. Caleb puts his hand on Edward’s shoulder.)

CALEB

You’ll make a fine lighthouse keeper, Son.

(Edward is moved and speechless. He hugs his dad. It’s a little too much for Caleb. He pries himself away, gives Edward a nod and exits down the stairs. Edward looks out over the sea. He looks happy and proud. He puts his hands on the railing and accidentally drops the pocket watch, ledger and pen.)

EDWARD

Fuck.

(Blackout.)