Written by Joe Janes
12/30/09
346 of 365
Cast:
Bruce, 25
Ray, 50
Bob, 75
Joseph, 50s
Vernon, 50s
(Lights up on Bruce, in a plain solid colored t=shirt and jeans, stage right. Ray, in a tucked in dress shirt and khakis, center stage right. Joseph, wearing greasy coveralls, is center stage left and Vernon, in a hat and old suit, is stage left. They never address one another except when indicated. They speak out to the audience.)
BRUCE
My dad is old.
RAY
My dad is old.
(They wait for Bob who enters walking slowly with a metal hospital cane. He wears a trucker cap, a too small Wisconsin Dells sweatshirt, unmatching sweatpants, a large fanny pack, white socks and Velcro sandals. He makes his way to center stage.)
BOB
My dad is dead.
JOSEPH
My dad is dead.
VERNON
Ich bin tot.
RAY
My grandfather died before I was born. I asked my dad about him.
BOB
He was a nice guy.
JOSEPH (taking a swig from a flask)
How do you do?
BOB
When he wasn’t drinking.
JOSEPH
Go fuck yourself.
BOB
And he couldn’t handle money.
RAY (To Bruce)
Now I know where I get all that from.
BRUCE
I don’t drink.
RAY
Yet.
VERNON (passionately)
Ich kann nicht Deutsches sprechen. Dieses ist gerade auf Linie Übersetzung crappy. Ich nahm eine deutsche Kategorie in der Highschool, weil ich hörte, dass es einfach war. Ich fiel aus. Ist hier alles dieses erlernte I. Ein, zwei, drei. Das ist es.
BOB
I don’t know what my grandfather did for a living. I never thought to ask. He was an off the boat German. Barely spoke a lick of English.
BRUCE
My grandfather lives in another state. I see him once every few years. I don’t know much about him except for what my dad tells me, which isn’t much.
BOB
I don’t know much about him.
RAY
I only recently found out my grandfather was a mechanic.
BOB
He had a good reputation.
JOSEPH
I can fix your car. You don’t have any money. You figure something out. (He takes a swig from a flask.)
VERNON (sad)
Ich traf nie meine Enkelkinder.
JOSEPH
I died of a stroke before any grandchildren came along.
BOB
I have too many grandchildren to keep track of. My kids had kids and divorces and remarriages and added new kids and half-kids and adoptions. When I meet them, I just smile and nod.
RAY
No grandchildren, well, none that I know of.
BRUCE
I have a cat.
(We hear a short horn blast. We hear a loud instrumental version of Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s In The Cradle.” The five actors start walking in a circle with people getting frustrated with Bob and passing him. Except Ray, who stays politely behind his dad. The music stops abruptly with another horn blast. The actors scramble to the nearest spot. They now stand in this order: Vernon, Joseph, Bob, Ray, Bruce. They take on the roles of the spot they inhabit.)
BRUCE
Ich heiratete eine stark vorangegangene und harte hearted Frau.
RAY
I married a strong woman. Who said she would do what I said and then do something else.
BOB
I married a mousey woman who said she would do what I say and then do something else. We got a divorce after twenty years. Then I married a strong woman who ran after me. I do what she says. It’s the most peaceful route.
JOSEPH
I married my high school sweetheart when I was nineteen. Of course, that was doomed. One kid from that union. Then I married an attractive woman who didn’t seem repulsed by me. She had kids. Her husband turned out to be gay. I think she was just glad I wasn’t gay. That was the biggest thing I had in my favor. We had a kid. And another divorce.
VERNON
It is my second cat.
(Another horn blast and even faster “Cat’s In The Cradle” as the actors quickly move in a circle, except for Bob. Even Ray abandons him. A horn blast stops everything and the actors make it back to their original position.)
BRUCE
I asked my dad about my grandfather.
RAY
I told him he used to be good with his hands, but he smoked and drank and wasn’t around much.
BRUCE (To Ray)
Like you?
JOSEPH
Fuck you, Harry Chapin.
VERNON
Bumsen Sie Sie, Harry Chapin.
BOB
I don’t listen to that rock and roll “music.”
RAY
(To Bruce) No… (To Audience) I asked my dad about my grandfather.
BOB
I asked my dad about my grandfather.
JOSEPH
I asked my dad about my grandfather.
VERNON
Ich fragte meinen Vati nach meinem Großvater. Er besaß eine Katze. Meow!
(Horn blast, but no music, they don’t know what to do. Lights fade to black. The Harry Chapin music plays in the dark.)
