Written by Joe Janes
74 of 365
(Lights up on Counter Girl at a fast food restaurant. Behind her is Counter Help. There is a line of people.)
PERSON #1Cup of coffee, please.
COUNTER GIRLHuge, large or giganto?
PERSON #1Giganto, please.
COUNTER GIRLHere you go.
(Counter Help gives him a wastebasket size cup of coffee and he quickly exits.)
PERSON #2I’ll have a giganto coffee and a donut.
COUNTER GIRLPlain, frosted or double deep-fried in sugar?
PERSON #2Oh, double deep-fried.
PERSON #2Sure. Why not?
(Counter Help give shim his order and he’s off.)
PERSON #3Yeah. Let me get a giganto coffee, latte-style, double deep fried donut with sprinkles and a shot of alcohol.
PERSON #3Surprise me.
(Counter Help gives the Person his order. He does the shot as he exits. A Person #4 bursts in and cuts in line.)
PERSON #4Boobs, please.
COUNTER GIRLI’m afraid all we have are pictures of boobs.
PERSON #4That’ll work.
(Counter Help takes a Polaroid of her chest and hands the Person the picture.)
PERSON #4 (exiting)Thanks! You’re a lifesaver.
PERSON #5Uh, yeah, I’ll have a giganto coffee, decaf, Stevia and non-dairy creamer, double deep-fried donut, hold the sprinkles, shot of tequila and…oh, is that Percodan? One of those.
(Counter Help gives her the order and she exits.)
PERSON #6Giganto coffee, double deep-fried donut with sprinkles, shot of tequila, Percodan and…a bag of weed.
COUNTER GIRLSir, “weed” is against the law. Could I interest you in a handgun, instead?
PERSON #6Sure. Why not.
(Counter Help gives him his order. He licks the gun as he walks off. Counter Girl and Counter Help stand alone for a moment with nothing to do. Counter Help takes a handful of Percodan and dry swallows them. Counter Girl swigs from a bottle of tequila. Lights fade.)