Written by Joe Janes
10/14/09
269 of 365
CAST
Al, 30s
Annette, 30s
(Lights up. Annette sits on the couch flipping through a New Yorker magazine. Al enters.)
AL
Hi, Honey.
ANNETTE
Hi, Baby.
(Al kisses her from standing behind the couch. She stops to kiss him, but doesn’t lose her place.)
AL
Missed you.
ANNETTE
Missed you, too.
(He exits to put away his coat and bag.)
AL (off)
How was you day off?
ANNETTE
Oh, nothing much to report. Completely wasted the day doing as little as possible.
AL
Good for you.
ANNETTE
How was your day?
AL (entering)
Same ol’, same ol’. (He takes in the room.) Something’s different.
ANNETTE
I don’t think so.
AL
Yes, Annette. I can feel it. Something is different.
ANNETTE
Don’t think so, Al.
AL
Your hair is different.
ANNETTE
I didn’t wash it.
AL
That’s not different. You lost weight.
ANNETTE
Not since this morning.
AL
That lamp is new.
ANNETTE
We bought that lamp at IKEA two years ago. And you hate it.
AL
I do hate it. The room feels different.
ANNETTE
Same as it ever was.
AL
Must be going crazy. (He sits.)
ANNETTE
I think that train already left the station.
AL (standing)
Aha!
ANNETTE
What!
AL
You don’t read The New Yorker.
ANNETTE
I read most of it.
AL
I have never seen you read The New Yorker before.
ANNETTE (holding the cover out to him)
I have a subscription. Have for a year, now. Got it with the NPR membership.
AL
Damn it all. Haven’t you ever had that feeling before? That feeling that something was different? Off? Like someone’s been here or something happened here?
ANNETTE
Sure.
AL
Ever have it not be anything at all?
ANNETTE
All the time.
(Pause)
AL
You’re having an affair.
ANNETTE
Nope.
AL
You’re pregnant.
ANNETTE
Hell, no.
AL
You’ve been researching your family tree and have discovered we’re brother and sister.
ANNETTE
No and gross.
AL
You’re adopted.
ANNETTE
No.
AL
I’m adopted.
ANNETTE
Probably, but no. Can you obsess quietly while I read?
Al
Sure.
(Pause as Al quietly obsesses.)
AL
You’re in love.
ANNETTE
I am.
AL
Me, too. We’re talking about the two of us right? (She nods.) Well, I’m going to go make dinner. Quinoa maki and miso soup?
ANNETTE
You read my mind.
(Al gets up and goes to the kitchen. Annette runs to the bedroom door and opens it and the opens the front door.)
ANNETTE
Hurry, hurry. Go, go, before he sees you.
(From the bedroom and rushing out the door are a mailman, a clown on a tricycle, the guy from KISS you’re least familiar with, a carnie dragging a bear on a chain, a robot cop, a dragon and TV’s Urkel. Al enters.)
AL
Annette?
(The parade of oddity and Annette freezes in their tracks.)
ANNETTE
Yes, Honey.
AL
We’re all out of quinoa. I’m going to use the black rice, instead.
ANNETTE
Okay.
(Al looks mystified.)
AL
I just can’t put my finger on it.
ANNETTE
I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
(Al shrugs and exits. Annette resumes rushing the oddball exodus with Urkel being followed by a penguin, a ballet dancer, a one-man band and Richard Simmons. Lights fade.)
