Saturday, October 10, 2009

Week 38, Day 265 - "Happy Alzheimer's"

“Happy Alzheimer’s”

Written by Joe Janes

10/10/09

265 of 365

CAST

Helen, 70s

Don, 50s

Bob, 40s

Joe, 40s

(Lights up on Don and Bob standing near a seated Helen. Helen has a comforter over her lap and is only slightly aware of their presence. Don kneels down to talk to her.)

DON

Hey, Mom. Happy birthday. Bob and I are here to wish you a happy birthday.

BOB

Happy birthday, Mom.

HELEN

That’s nice. You’re good boys.

(Joe enters.)

JOE

Hey.

DON

Didn’t think you were coming.

JOE

I’m here, right? (He kneels down to talk to his mother.) Hi, mom. It’s Joe. Happy birthday. Did you like your card? You gave her a card, right?

BOB

We gave her a card.

JOE

With my name on it?

BOB

You weren’t here.

(Joe sees the cards on a nearby dresser. He grabs one and scribbles his name on it.)

JOE

Here you go, Mom. I got you a card.

HELEN (She looks at it)

Oh, my, that’s nice. Look at that. Those flowers are pretty. “Like two flowers in a vase, we brighten each other’s day, as only sisters can. Love, your sister Elsie… and Joe.” That’s nice. You’re a good boy.

JOE

Are we taking her out to dinner?

DON

The nursing home said it wasn’t a good idea. She’s been getting worse.

JOE

Looks okay to me. I mean, okay for mom.

BOB

We were just going to spend a little more time and then go hit a bar.

JOE

I like that plan, but I’m torn. It’s her birthday. She won’t be around much longer. I want her to have a great birthday.

DON

Even if we did take her out, she won’t remember it tomorrow.

JOE

Good point. Let’s give her the best birthday she’s ever had. (Don and Bob look at each other quizzically.) Hey, Mom. How was your birthday? Wasn’t it the best ever?

HELEN

It’s my birthday. Oh, look, someone gave me a card. (She reads it.) That’s nice.

JOE

Did you enjoy your birthday dinner?

HELEN

I love The Olive Garden.

JOE

Really? That’s where we took you?

DON

Five years ago.

HELEN

They have the best breadsticks and fettuccine alfredo. And all the waiters and waitresses sang “Happy Birthday to me.” And your father was being so funny, “Never ending pasta bowl, more like never ending toilet bowl.” (She laughs.) Such a card.

BOB

Mom, Dad-

(Don stops him with a hand on Bob’s arm.)

DON

Did you like your present?

HELEN

I did. (She looks a round the room.) I must have put it away already. It was the prettiest dress from The Fashion Bug. I’m going to wear it Sunday to church.

JOE

You really enjoyed your birthday.

HELEN

You boys are so good to me. It was the best birthday I can remember ever having.

BOB

Did you get everything you wanted?

HELEN

Well…

JOE

The sky’s the limit, Mom.

HELEN

I’ve always wanted a pony. (The guy’s all look at each other.)

DON

A pony?

BOB

We got you one.

JOE

Yeah. Don’t you remember, Mom?

HELEN

Oh, yes (she doesn’t.)

JOE

You named him Chestnut.

DON

He’s out back.

HELEN

Can I see him, again?

BOB

He’s sleeping.

JOE

He’s sleeping. You can see him in the morning. You must be exhausted from your busy day.

HELEN

I am.

JOE

Okay, Mom. Love you. I’ll see you the next time I’m in town. (He kisses her on the cheek.)

BOB

Bye, Mom. I love you. (He hugs her.)

DON

Love you, Mom. (He hugs her and kisses her on the forehead.) Happy birthday.

(The guys head to the door.)

HELEN

I would never name a horse Chestnut.

(The guys all turn and guiltily look at her.)

HELEN (continuing)

Tomorrow, I’ll rename him Applejack.

JOE

Much better name, Mom.

DON

Love it.

BOB

He’s definitely an Applejack.

JOE (through his teeth)

Let’s go hit that bar.

(They exit. Helen dozes off and then opens her eyes and looks around. She looks confused. She notices the card in her hand.)

HELEN

Oh, look. Someone gave me a card. I don’t have a sister Joe.

(She dozes off again as lights fade.)

elen has