Written by Joe Janes
51 of 365
(In the dark, a spaceship lands on stage. Lights rise as the door to the spaceship lowers. Gat, a giant metallic robot, comes out and stands to the side of the door. Konar, a humanoid alien in a space suit comes out and stands just downstage of Gat. He removes his helmet showing he’s a pleasant looking fellow.)
KONARPeople of Earth, I am Konar from the star system Zoonaughk several galaxies from here. You are not alone in the universe. We have received your many space probes, heard your signals, and detected your listening and observation devices. We know that you have been continuously watching and listening to the skies for over fifty earth years. I have a message for you. Please listen closely. You need to stop. Enough is enough. Take the hint. We’re busy. We have a lot on our plate. We are a highly evolved species. Some might say we are a little out of your league. Besides, let’s be honest, you have a lot of issues you need to work out. Pollution, economics, government, and this thing you have for frying all manner of food. You’re clearly not ready to be in a relationship with us. We can’t help but think you are only interested in us because you want us to “rescue” you. We worked hard for our speed-of-light travel, non-evasive medical techniques and our culture that nurtures and empowers the individual. We don’t need someone leeching off us. Been there, done that, thank you Moon of Nyberg. We won’t be making that mistake, again. Oh, and could you please stop cluttering up the universe with your radio and television transmissions? Don’t you have anything better to do with your time, like – NOT KILL EACH OTHER. I don’t mean to be cold, but the truth is, you’re loud, out of shape and you smell funny. Oh, what, now you’re going to cry? Great. My robot, Gat, and I are going to leave now.
Get your act together, Earth, and, who knows, in another millennium, or two, if you haven’t destroyed the place, maybe we’ll be back.
(Konar and Gat begin to exit. A gunshot is heard. Konar and Gat duck.)
KONAR (continuing)Real mature, Earth! Real mature!
(They quickly exit. Lights fade.)