(part two of "Dancing with the Devil")
Written by Joe Janes
1/30/09
12 of 365
CAST:
Les, 50s
Tawny, early 20s
Chet, late 20s
Angel
Devil
(Lights up on Les and Tawny sitting in two chairs near one another. The both wear business attire, but Tawny just seems to make it look intense and sexy while Les looks a little frumpy. Les looks nervous. She looks like every “business woman” who has ever appeared in a porno. He looks like the guy who has seen all those pornos. There is a third empty chair near them. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment or two. Chet, also in a business suit, enters.)
CHET
Thanks for waiting.LES (standing to shake his hand)
No problem, Mr. Baxter.TAWNY
You were away too long, Chet.CHET
Um, thanks. Sit, sit. Relax. I know it’s a little unusual to be doing a double interview. Times being as they are, we here at Hammerson and Associates are swamped with qualified applicants and want to make sure everyone is considered. Plus, I think HR enjoys putting you on the hot seat like this. (Les laughs way too hard at this until he realizes he has laughed too hard and tapers off.)LES
Good one.CHET
Now, Les, your resume is very impressive. You are very qualified, if not overqualified, for our regional accounts manager. Tawny, all I got from you was a cover letter with a lipstick imprint where your signature should be. I must say, while you certainly present yourself well – gosh you look nice - I’m a little taken aback at the lack of credentials.TAWNY
Morey said I didn’t need to bring anything.CHET
Morey?TAWNY
Mr. Hammerson?LES
Oh, God.TAWNY
Morey assured me all I had to do was show you my “strengths” as an employee and I’d get right in. If you’d like to bring me in for a second private interview, I’m open and available.CHET
I see.TAWNY
Do you, Chet? (Shifting in her seat) Do you really see? (Chet is obviously attracted to her, but trying to fight it). It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?CHET
It’s been awhile what?TAWNY
You look like a sailor lost at sea whose best friend keeps turning into a chicken leg.CHET
Tell you what. Let’s talk about your strengths. Everyone’s strengths. Les, give me three of your top qualities.LES
Well, you can plunk me down anywhere in the Midwest and you’ll find I’m already well connected and will quickly develop new connections. I’m good at blowing the dust off old systems and making them work or innovating them. And you’ll find that I really know my stuff. Before selling HVAC equipment, I used to work on them. I’m good with my hands. I’m able to assess a clients needs and make sure they’re getting the right tool for the right job.CHET
Very well put, Les. Tawny?TAWNY
Well, you can plunk me down anywhere, too. The Midwest, the East Coast, the conference room. I can blow or suck the dust off anything. I’m good with my hands and my mouth. I would do anything to get this job, Chet. Anything.LES
Me, too!CHET
Um, well…I…uh…I don’t know what to do.(Les and Tawny freeze. Lights shift on to Chet and Angel and Devil hand puppets appear on his shoulders.)
ANGEL
Follow your heart, Chet. You know what’s the right thing to do.DEVIL
This company’s going down. Chet, and so is Tawny. Get it while the getting’s good! Oh, hey – I didn’t expect to see you here.ANGEL
Why not? This is my job.DEVIL
I know, it’s just, you never returned my calls. I thought we had something special.ANGEL
We did it once. It was a good time. Not something special.DEVIL (crying)
It was to me.ANGEL
Here we go. Look, I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.DEVIL
You tell me that after I changed my relationship status on Facebook. How do you sleep at night?ANGEL
You’re obviously not over me. I’m going to put in for a transfer.DEVIL
Fine. Run away. Run away like you’ve been doing your whole afterlife. I don’t love you any more!ANGEL
Love? You shouldn’t have “loved” me at all, you psycho. We never even went out. Men! I’m out of here.(She exits. Devil stays, sobbing.)
CHET
You should probably be going.DEVIL
What are you going to do?CHET
I don’t know, yet.DEVIL
You know what you should do? Screw her. Screw her, befriend her on Facebook, and leave her.CHET
I don’t know…DEVIL
…Please? For me?CHET
I’ll think about it.DEVIL (sniff!)
Thanks... Hug?CHET
Sure.(He hugs Devil)
DEVIL
Thanks. Go get her, tiger.(He exits. Lights shift back to normal.)
CHET
Tawny and Les, tell you what. I’m going to leave the room for twenty minutes. You two work it out. Whoever is still in the room when I get back, gets the job.(He exits. Les and Tawny look at each other.)
LES (trying to be seductive)
If you sleep with me, I'll let you have the job.TAWNY
Ew. Twenty minutes alone in this room with you? How about I leave and you don’t sleep with me.(She exits.)
LES
Yes! Using my lack of sexuality works, again!
