(part two of "Dancing with the Devil")
Written by Joe Janes
12 of 365
Tawny, early 20s
Chet, late 20s
(Lights up on Les and Tawny sitting in two chairs near one another. The both wear business attire, but Tawny just seems to make it look intense and sexy while Les looks a little frumpy. Les looks nervous. She looks like every “business woman” who has ever appeared in a porno. He looks like the guy who has seen all those pornos. There is a third empty chair near them. They sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment or two. Chet, also in a business suit, enters.)
CHETThanks for waiting.
LES (standing to shake his hand)No problem, Mr. Baxter.
TAWNYYou were away too long, Chet.
CHETUm, thanks. Sit, sit. Relax. I know it’s a little unusual to be doing a double interview. Times being as they are, we here at Hammerson and Associates are swamped with qualified applicants and want to make sure everyone is considered. Plus, I think HR enjoys putting you on the hot seat like this. (Les laughs way too hard at this until he realizes he has laughed too hard and tapers off.)
CHETNow, Les, your resume is very impressive. You are very qualified, if not overqualified, for our regional accounts manager. Tawny, all I got from you was a cover letter with a lipstick imprint where your signature should be. I must say, while you certainly present yourself well – gosh you look nice - I’m a little taken aback at the lack of credentials.
TAWNYMorey said I didn’t need to bring anything.
TAWNYMorey assured me all I had to do was show you my “strengths” as an employee and I’d get right in. If you’d like to bring me in for a second private interview, I’m open and available.
TAWNYDo you, Chet? (Shifting in her seat) Do you really see? (Chet is obviously attracted to her, but trying to fight it). It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
CHETIt’s been awhile what?
TAWNYYou look like a sailor lost at sea whose best friend keeps turning into a chicken leg.
CHETTell you what. Let’s talk about your strengths. Everyone’s strengths. Les, give me three of your top qualities.
LESWell, you can plunk me down anywhere in the Midwest and you’ll find I’m already well connected and will quickly develop new connections. I’m good at blowing the dust off old systems and making them work or innovating them. And you’ll find that I really know my stuff. Before selling HVAC equipment, I used to work on them. I’m good with my hands. I’m able to assess a clients needs and make sure they’re getting the right tool for the right job.
CHETVery well put, Les. Tawny?
TAWNYWell, you can plunk me down anywhere, too. The Midwest, the East Coast, the conference room. I can blow or suck the dust off anything. I’m good with my hands and my mouth. I would do anything to get this job, Chet. Anything.
CHETUm, well…I…uh…I don’t know what to do.
(Les and Tawny freeze. Lights shift on to Chet and Angel and Devil hand puppets appear on his shoulders.)
ANGELFollow your heart, Chet. You know what’s the right thing to do.
DEVILThis company’s going down. Chet, and so is Tawny. Get it while the getting’s good! Oh, hey – I didn’t expect to see you here.
ANGELWhy not? This is my job.
DEVILI know, it’s just, you never returned my calls. I thought we had something special.
ANGELWe did it once. It was a good time. Not something special.
DEVIL (crying)It was to me.
ANGELHere we go. Look, I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.
DEVILYou tell me that after I changed my relationship status on Facebook. How do you sleep at night?
ANGELYou’re obviously not over me. I’m going to put in for a transfer.
DEVILFine. Run away. Run away like you’ve been doing your whole afterlife. I don’t love you any more!
ANGELLove? You shouldn’t have “loved” me at all, you psycho. We never even went out. Men! I’m out of here.
(She exits. Devil stays, sobbing.)
CHETYou should probably be going.
DEVILWhat are you going to do?
CHETI don’t know, yet.
DEVILYou know what you should do? Screw her. Screw her, befriend her on Facebook, and leave her.
CHETI don’t know…
DEVIL…Please? For me?
CHETI’ll think about it.
DEVIL (sniff!)Thanks... Hug?
(He hugs Devil)
DEVILThanks. Go get her, tiger.
(He exits. Lights shift back to normal.)
CHETTawny and Les, tell you what. I’m going to leave the room for twenty minutes. You two work it out. Whoever is still in the room when I get back, gets the job.
(He exits. Les and Tawny look at each other.)
LES (trying to be seductive)If you sleep with me, I'll let you have the job.
TAWNYEw. Twenty minutes alone in this room with you? How about I leave and you don’t sleep with me.
LESYes! Using my lack of sexuality works, again!