Written by Joe Janes
10/16/09
271 of 365
CAST
Noah, 30s
Dacry, 30s
Bruno, 50s
Jose, 40s
(Lights up on Darcy and Patrick sitting at a table looking at menus.)
NOAH
This lace looks exactly like it did ten years ago.
DARCY
It does. Same junkyard stuff on the wall.
NOAH
Guess they couldn’t afford any new junk.
(Bruno enters. He is an older man, a little overweight and a little high-strung.)
BRUNO
Hi, folks. I’m Bruno. Welcome to Slow Down Life’s Too Short Stop Smell the Roses Get It While The Gettin’s Good Bar and Grill. What would you like?
NOAH
I’m not really sure.
DARCY
Hey, you own the place, don’t you?
BRUNO
I do. This is my place.
DARCY
He waited on us on our first date.
NOAH
Oh, yeah.
BRUNO
Well…. Isn’t that something? What can I get you?
NOAH
UH, I’ll have a Miller Lite.
DARCY
Me, too. And let’s order some buffalo wings.
BRUNO
Ooh, uh… Let me check on those. (Bruno walks to the kitchen door and yells inside.) Jose! Jose! Look in the back of the freezer and see if we have an old bag of Buffalo wings! Look behind the suet! Move the suet and look behind it.
DARCY
That’s okay. That’s okay.
BRUNO
It’s no problem. Jose will find it. I’ll go heat up the fryer and get your beers. (He exits.)
DARCY
I don’t think they’re doing very well.
NOAH
Doesn’t seem like it. Want to leave.
DARCY
I’d feel horrible if we just left.
NOAH
Well, let’s just get our beers and antique chicken wings and we’ll go get dinner somewhere else.
(Bruno enters and puts down two cans of beer on the table.)
DARCY
Could I have a glass?
BRUNO
Classy. (Bruno walks to another table and picks up an empty glass and inspects it. He wipes it on his shirt and drops it off in front of Darcy.)
NOAH
I think we ordered Miller Lite.
BRUNO
Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. We’re all out. All we have is Milwaukee’s Best.
DARCY
I’ve never had a Milwaukee’s Best.
BRUNO
It’s good. You know, it’s Milwaukee’s Best. I’ll go check on your chicken wings. (Bruno nods and exits. Darcy opens her can and takes a sip.)
DARCY
Ooh, oh. It tastes tinny.
NOAH
Don’t drink it.
DARCY (looks at can)
Is there an expiration date?
(Noah looks at his can.)
NOAH
No, Just an ad commemorating the Olympics being in Atlanta.
(Bruno enters with the wings and sets them on the table.)
BRUNO
I’m afraid we’re out of hot sauce, so I dumped some ketchup on them.
NOAH
Oh.
DARCY
Do you have any other beer?
BRUNO
Not a fan of the Best?
DARCY
Guess I’m not a connoisseur.
(Bruno looks like he’s about to cry. He looks up, takes a deep breath.)
BRUNO
What kind of beer would you like?
DARCY
What do you have?
BRUNO
Whatever you like?
DARCY
I thought you were out of Miller Lite.
BRUNO
You want Miller Lite. I’ll get you Miller Lite. You, too?
NOAH
Sure.
BRUNO
Jose! (He walks over to the kitchen door. Jose sticks his head out.) Jose, go to the liquor store and pick up a six-pack of Miller Lite. (Jose holds out his hand. Bruno sighs and pulls out his wallet and hands Jose some dollar bills and whatever change he has in his pocket. Jose exits.) And I expect change. (He turns to Noah and Darcy.) Two Miller Lites. Coming right up. (He looks like he’s going to cry again and exits.)
DARCY
This isn’t turning out to be as much fun as I thought it would be.
NOAH
I know. What happened to this place? It used to be so much fun.
(Darcy picks at the wings.)
DARCY
This doesn’t look too bad.
(Noah takes a bite of one and spits it back out.)
NOAH
Except for being drowned in ketchup and frozen in the middle, they’re great.
DARCY
Let’s just leave.
NOAH
Right on.
(They get up and move towards the door. Bruno enters.)
BRUNO
Where you going?
NOAH
We just remembered we told the babysitter we’d be home by 9pm.
BRUNO
It’s only 7:30pm.
DARCY
We live very far away.
(Bruno sits down, looking defeated.)
NOAH
The wings are good.
BRUNO
You want them to go?
NOAH AND DARCY
No!
DARCY
Thank you.
NOAH
We just don’t think they’d keep. Such a long drive, you know.
BRUNO
Sure.
NOAH
Here, let me pay for them. And the beer. How much do I owe you?
BRUNO
Aw, forget it.
NOAH
No, really. I want to pay. It’s only fair.
BRUNO
Fifty bucks.
NOAH
That’s a bit much, don’t you think?
BRUNO
It’s what I need to get the gas turned back on.
NOAH
Oh. (He looks at Darcy. She shrugs.) Sure. Fifty bucks. (Noah gets it out of his wallet.) My name’s Noah. This is my wife, Darcy. We met here. Ten summers ago. At that jukebox.
DARCY
I was here with my sister. Not even looking to meet anyone.
NOAH
I saw her and immediately went to the jukebox and played “Long Cool Woman in A Black Dress” by The Hollies. Then I went over to her and told her I played the song for her. Listen, you have to understand, I never did anything so cliché or potentially creepy before. Way too shy. But I saw this woman and knew I had to meet her no matter how awkward and fumbly it was going to be.
DARCY
And it was very awkward and fumbly. And also made no sense, since I wasn’t wearing black dress. And neither of us works for the FBI.
(Bruno looks confused.)
NOAH
It’s a lyric in that song.
DARCY
And it worked. We fell in love. Here. At your place.
BRUNO
Things were different then. We were kicking ass and making money hand over fist.
DARCY
What happened, Bruno?
BRUNO
Wish I knew. It just slowed down. And stopped. I can’t tell you why. It’s still me. It’s still Jose. I’ve had to let most of my staff go. I don’t even pay Jose. It just stopped.
NOAH
Here’s fifty. And thanks. If you never created this place, I never would have met this woman. I owe you more.
BRUNO
I’ll take it.
NOAH
Uh-
BRUNO
Just kidding. Unless you meant it. (Pause) Just kidding, again. Unless-?
DARCY
We really need to go.
BRUNO (getting up)
Okay, folks. I’m glad some good came out of this place. Guess it’s time to just say good-bye and move on.
NOAH
What will you do?
BRUNO
No clue. Life’s too short to stick around here, though. Right?
NOAH
Right.
(They exit. Bruno sits back down. Jose comes back in with a six-pack. He sits down next to Bruno. He hands Bruno a beer and takes one himself. They clink bottles and sip.)
BRUNO
Where’s my goddamn change?
(Blackout)
