Written by Joe Janes
337 of 365
Robed Guy, ???
(Lights up on a plain terry cloth bathrobe on the back of a chair. Jude enters in his pajamas, stretching. He puts on his robe and discovers a five dollar bill in his pocket. This makes him very happy. Lights go to black and then back up. Again we see the robe draped over the back of the chair. Jude enters again in his pajama, stretching. He puts his robe on and is amazed to find another five dollar bill in his pocket. He is stymied by this, but also pleased. As lights fade, he sniffs the robe and smells something foul. The lights go to black and back up. The robe is again draped on the chair, but Jude stands next to it in his pajamas. He’s afraid to touch it. He tries smelling it from a distance. He gets close enough to discover it smells sour. He pulls his sleeve over his right hand and retrieves another five dollar bill from the robe’s pocket. He sniffs that, too. It smells awful. Lights fade and come back up on the robe draped over the chair. Jude, in his pajamas, sets up a video camera and points it at the robe. He hesitantly walks away, checking back on his robe. He looks one more time from the doorway, turns off the light as he leaves. Fog fills the stage. We hear sinister organ music. Lights pop back on. Standing in the doorway in a long, black hooded robe and holding a scythe is Death. He slowly walks up behind the robe and looms over it. He drops the scythe and picks up the robe, rubbing it against his face as he takes deep breaths. The music switches to some throbbing, inane club beat. Death takes the robe and rubs it all over his body as he dances. He particularly spends some time straddling the robe and rhythmically flossing his crotch with it. The music stops and we hear a tinnier, smaller version of the organ music we heard before. It’s Death’s cell phone. He picks up. As he speaks, he puts the robe back in its place.)
Hello?... Speaking… Nothing… Just hanging out.. Some fat guy just ate a donut too fast? I’m on it..
(He hangs up and looks lovingly at the robe. He takes a five dollar bill out of his pocket, kisses it and tucks it into the robe’s pocket. He exits and lights go to black. They come back up and Jude enters in his pajamas. He looks at the robe, but doesn’t pick it up. He goes over to the video camera and checks the playback screen, He presses a button and he starts watching it. We hear the organ music coming from the camera. Jude is frightened. The music changes to the dance music and now Jude is appalled. He picks up the scythe and uses it to pick up the robe. As he walks off, we see him trying to start a lighter to set the robe on fire. Blackout.)