Written by Joe Janes
3/11/09
52 of 365
CAST:
Curtis
Terry
The Icicle
Slick
Frosty
The Great Justifier
(Lights up on a 7/11 late at night. Curtis, wearing a hoodie and a knit cap, approaches Terry, the clerk.)
CURTIS
Hey, how’s it going?TERRY
Hey…know what you want?CURTIS
Sure, man, sure. Um, get me one of those packs of spearmint gum and…a…pack of…Viceroys.(Terry turns away to get the items. Curtis pulls his cap down revealing it to be a ski mask. He thrusts his pocketed hand forward as if he had a gun. Terry turns back around.)
TERRY
Anything else?CURTIS
Yeah, (reading his name tag) Terry, give me all your cash.TERRY
Aw, c’mon, man, I was already robbed twice this week.CURTIS
Well, third time’s a charm. Empty out the register. Just give me the bills.(Slick and Frosty burst through the doors followed by bounty of manufactured fog and The Evil Icicle who is brandishing an ice gun which looks like some kind of sci-fi rifle.)
ICICLE
Everybody FREEZE! TERRY
The Evil Icicle!ICICLE
That’s right! And this is a robbery!CURTIS
This already is a robbery, asshole.ICICLE
Tut, tut, my fellow ski-masked fiend. (He lifts Curtis’s mask.) Just keep your cool. Slick, Frosty – grab the register.(Slick and Frosty do so and bring it toward the door.)
CURTIS
Man, why are you trespassing on my turf?TERRY
Don’t you usually rob stuff like banks and stuff?ICICLE
These are tough times (reading his nametag) Terry. Banks are closing right and left and those that are left don’t have much cash on hand. I have an evil empire to run and must keep the cash flowing in by all means possible, even if it means knocking off the occasional 7/11. CURTIS
What you’re doing is cold.ICICLE
Thank you.CURTIS
I mean, it’s wrong. This is my job. I need that money.ICICLE
For what? Are you trying to bring the United Nations to its knees by controlling the world’s blizzards from outer space? No? Not on your puny agenda? I thought not. Weather machines don’t grow on trees, let me tell you.CURTIS
You’re taking money out of my family’s mouth by stealing the money I was about to steal. My wife is going to kill me.ICICLE
Here. Give her one of these panties shaped into a flower. (He hands Curtis one from the counter.) Sure to melt a woman’s polar-capped heart.CURTIS
Not married are you?ICICLE
Little busy conquering the world, right boys. (Slick and Frosty nod their heads.) Oh, and hand me your wallet.CURTIS
Taking my gig and taking my wallet. (Hands Icicle his wallet) What kind of robber robs a robber?ICICLE
You are hardly in my league, icehole. (Looks at Curtis’s ID in his wallet) I’m sorry, Curtis. Do you have a gun that shoots poison-tipped icicles?CURTIS
Nope. (Shoots Icicle with is handgun) Just a gun that shoots bullets, jackass.(Icicle collapses into Curtis.)
ICICLE
You iced, iced me, baby. Tell mommy I tried to be a good boy…so cold…so cold…(He collapses to the floor. Slick and Frosty are stunned.)
CURTIS
You want some of this?(Slick and Frosty run away, leaving the cash register. Curtis retrieves his wallet.)
TERRY
Dude. You probably just saved the world. CURTIS
Yeah. I guess so.TERRY
Take the money. It’s cool. CURTIS
Yeah. Okay. I really do have to. The wife and all. (The Great Justifier bursts through the door in his tights and cape.)
JUSTIFIER
Stop, Evil Icicle! The Great Justifier is here. Um, hey – Who shot the bad guy?(Curtis shoots The Great Justifier who collapses on top of The Evil Icicle.)
TERRY
Just go.CURTIS
Yeah, I’m out of here.(Blackout.)
