Written by Joe Janes
(Lights up on Dick walking up to Blaine sitting at his desk.)
DICKSo, you’ve met everyone, right, Blaine?
BLAINEYeah, Dick. Everyone except Jay. Everybody talks about him. Sounds like quite a character.
DICKBoy is he ever. That guy gets away with murder. We all love him though, that’s just Jay!
JAYMy ears are burning!
JAYSomebody must have been talking about me! Was it you, Dick Smoker? (Dick laughs) Was it you, New Guy?
BLAINEWe were just-
JAYYou know you sure do have a pretty mouth. (Dick laughs.)
BLAINEWell, uh –
JAYSqueal like a piggy for me! (Dick is doubled up in laughter, now)
(Jay and Dick both crack up now.)
JAYDid you hear him, Dick Smoker! New Guy’s golden! (Rubs Blaine’s head) Golden!
ROGERI hear laughter. Jay must have escaped his cubicle.
JAYHey, Boss Man! How’s it hanging, asshole? Still driving this company like a senior citizen into a crowded sidewalk?
(Dick and Roger crack up as Jay takes fake jabs at Roger’s stomach.)
BLAINEYou call the boss “asshole”?
ROGER (laughing)That’s just Jay, Blaine. Oh, my. Oh, my sides…
JAYWowsy-wowsy-wowser! Amelia! Who needs little blue pills when those boobies of yours can cause instant boners? Ba-boom! That tight little blouse makes your rack look like Iraq!
(Amelia, Jay and Dick all laugh.)
BLAINEThat didn’t even make sense.
JAYHey, Amelia, have you met New Guy?
AMELIAI have. Hi, Blaine.
BLAINEThat blouse looks nice on you, Amelia.
JAYSure do have a way with the ladies, New Guy.
BLAINEBut, he –
ROGERI’m afraid I’ll have to write you up.
(Roger exits, shaking his head disapprovingly.)
DICKYou disgust me.
(He exits. Blackout.)