Thursday, August 2, 2007

I Don't Mean to Brag, But...

(BS note: The poll template for the News Quiz is down. To see the answer choices, just scroll down on the left, pick an answer, scribble it onto a Post-It note and then stick that over where the answers should be.)

It looks like I'm going to be coming into some money.

A lot of money.

We're talking, Joe's-going-to-buy-a-Hummer-and-vote-Republican kind of money.
How did I do it? What's my secret? Well, apparently, there's been some people speaking very highly of me overseas. I got this e-mail yesterday...

Dearest friend,

Season Greeting from Beniak Joe who contacted you long ago, I am very happy to
inform you about my success in getting that fund, Now I want you to contact my
secretary on the information below with your Full Name/Address and Phone Number
for easy communication: NAME: Ikwu samuel


Ask him to send you the total sum of (1950,000.00 ) One Million Nine Hundred and
Fifty Thousand us dollarsd thousand USD CASHIER'S CHEQUE, which I kept for your
compensation CONTACT THE SECRETARY ON this


Beniak Joe

Now, I must be honest. I don't think I received an earlier e-mail. The name "Beniak Joe" would have stuck with me, I should think. This guy might have me confused with another Joe Janes. There's not many of us, but if you do a Google on me - and, yes, I have Googled myself, several times - you'll find a search result showdown going on between me and some Seattle Internet librarian professor dude. So, maybe the compensation was meant for him. In that case, I'll consider splitting the money with him. 80/20 sounds fair, since I'm doing all the work. Here's the e-mail I sent in reply...
Dear Ikwu,

I received the e-mail from
Beniak Joe. Season greeting. I hope you are doing well. I understand you are going to send me a cashier's checque for 1950,000.00 us dollars. That is wonderful news. My mother is in a nursing home and employment for me has been very scarce this summer. My girlfriend will be very happy to hear about this - I can't tell you how much she's been riding me about not making any money. She thinks I should grow up and find a real job. This will make her shut her ice-cream hole! This money will certainly come in handy.

Yours in Christ,

I can't wait for that checque to come in. The first thing I'm going to do is buy everyone I know a hat. Something nice. Purple felt fedoras, maybe. With my or that other Joe Janes' picture on it.


Is tonight at 6:30pm at the Uptown Writer's Space. Come bring a scene to read or come hear other scenes and get an assignment. You know you wanna.


Yesterday, I asked...
"According to scientists, being left-handed also raises the possibility of being what?"
40% picked "A World Leader."
No, that's not the right answer. Most world leaders are
ambidextrous so they can reach into your back pocket with one hand while pointing at you with their fisted thumb with the other.

20% said "A Math Genius."
That would be incorrect, as well. Being left-handed just means your numbers would lean differently than everyone

No one fell for "An Artistic Rebel."
It would be correct if you consider drawing real crappy

The correct answer, that 40% chose, was "A
Sorry to put it so indelicately.

According to the BBC, a gene has been found that indicates left-handedness. It's also the same gene that raises the risk of psychotic mental illness such as schizophrenia.

Who are some famous left-handers?