Written by Joe Janes
203 of 365
Steve, late 20s
Cherry, late 50s
Gigi, early 20s
(Circa late 1980s. Steve, dressed in his best double-breasted shiny gray suit with shoulder pads, skinny tie and pushed up sleeves, mullet and mustache, sits at his desk going over some papers. Cherry enters quickly and presses her body against the door. She wears a fedora and a trench coat. Steve notices her. She throws her hat and drops her trench coat revealing a red teddy and black stockings.)
CHERRYSteven, don’t fight it. You have all these women throwing themselves at you, including that tramp secretary of yours, but you know it’s me you really want. It’s always been me, it always will be me. I’ve earned you.
CHERRYI’ve booked us the Hydra Room at the El Ranchero Fantasy Motor Lodge. It’s ours from 4pm to 6pm.
STEVEYou haven’t seen me naked since I was in diapers.
CHERRYI brought some of those, too.
STEVEIt’s not right. Please leave.
CHERRYYou came from my womb. Don’t you want to come back and visit?
STEVEIt’s not the Wisconsin Dells, Mother. Go. Before I call security.
CHERRYThis is the gratitude I get. I gave you the milk from my bosom.
STEVEI know, I know…. (He opens up his briefcase and takes out a small bottle of milk.) And you can have it back. Please, stop leaving these in my mailbox.
CHERRY (taking bottle)Fine. I’ll go. You know where to find me, if you change your mind.
STEVEThe Hydra Room.
CHERRY (putting coat back on, Steve hands her the hat)Till 6pm. Tick-tock, tick-tock.
(She opens the door to leave. Gigi is there. They give each glaring looks as they pass.)
GIGIMr. Burke. You have several messages-
STEVEAnything work related?
GIGINo. All of them are from older women propositioning you. There’s also a bouquet of flowers in the lobby from the all the female residents at the Riverview Nursing Home. Along with an offer to share their prescription drugs with you. And one of the residents sent along this.
(Gigi unfolds a large pair of white granny panties. Steve sighs, takes them and puts them in his briefcase.)
GIGI (continuing)Mr. Burke. You’re a very handsome man, if you don’t mind me saying so.
STEVEThank you, Gigi.
GIGIWhy are so many older women, including your own mother, so attracted to you?
STEVEWhy, Gigi? That answer is simple. Because I am attracted to them.
GIGIReally? You find older women attractive? More attractive than young, nubile women, such as myself?
STEVEOlder women are like fine wine. As they age, they become more graceful, fuller-bodied. Their bouquet becomes sweeter, more exotic. Their lips full of confidence. Oh, sure, sometimes they get too dry and you end up spitting out pieces of cork. And sometimes they have sediment on the bottom, and when you buy them at a restaurant, they cost more, but that’s the price you pay.
GIGII wish I were old.
STEVEAw, Gigi. You’ll be old and slightly haggard some day.
GIGIYou’re just saying that.
STEVENo, I mean it. One day, your breasts will start to sag, your hips and thighs will spread like chunky peanut butter. You’ll get those little knots of varicose veins in your legs, the kind that look like fireworks. Soon your spine curve like a question mark and people will think you’re looking for lost change. And you know what, Gigi? You’ll be the sexiest woman around.
(Gigi throws herself at his feet.)
GIGIOh, Steve! Take me as I am, now. I’ll get older. Sooner than you think. I’ll take up smoking and only order drinks that annoy the bartender. I’ll stay up late and sit too close to the TV. I’ll buy a dog. The small, yippy kind. I’ll complain more in restaurants and use a little card to figure out the tip. Just give me a chance.
STEVE (bringing Gigi to her feet)Gigi. Please. Don’t put your eggs in this basket. There are men out there, good men, who like young women. You’ll find them if you go to the right bars. Now, dry off those tears and get back to your desk.
(Gigi puts herself together as Steve walks her to the door.)
GIGIThank you, Mr. Burke. You’re the best boss a gal ever had.
(She exits. Steve sits at his desk. His phone rings and he picks up.)
STEVESteven Burke… Yes, Mother, I know… Tick-tock, tick-tock…