I Believe...

- I believe that the amount of money spent on presidential campaigns is obscene and should be a source of shame for our country. Millions of dollars that could be spent on feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, easing healthcare costs, etc, is pissed out the window on pablum and spin. Candidates should be restricted to formal debates, press conferences, interviews on real news shows, text-based websites and cheap leaflets printed on recyclable paper. It is our duty to find out about them and where they stand, not theirs to sell us an image like they were New Coke.

- Do what you love and the money will follow. Apparently, I need to stop doing what I love, so the money can catch up.

- I believe Ricky Gervais is a comic genius, but if you need cheering up, Extras and the original The Office have an opposite effect. It's like laughing while falling down a well. Where's Benny Hill when you need him?

- I believe the main reason relationships fail is the inability for people in this day and age to shift from a "me" mentality to a "we" mentality and to be for and in service of each other's hopes and dreams. Just saying. No reason. Anyone want to buy a diamond ring?



THE BS NEWS QUIZ OF THE DAY

Yesterday, I asked...

"Matthew Pillars and Jack Keiffer of San Luis Obispo, California have been sentenced for doing what to a passed-out drinking buddy?"

63% said "Posting pictures on the Internet with their genitalia on his face"
- I hope that didn't give anyone any ideas, Don Hall.

18% said "Writing 'I'm Very Gay' on his forehead"
- It's the "very" that made it slanderous. That's like ultra gay.

9% said "Dropping him off at a homeless shelter, naked"
- He had plenty of offers for bunkmates.

10% got it right with "Setting his crotch on fire"

According to the San Luis Obispo County News, two men accused of setting their friend’s groin on fire were sentenced to jail and prison this week.

Matthew Craig Pillers, 22, and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer, 19, pleaded no contest to felony causing a fire that leads to great bodily injury, according to court officials.

The men routinely drank together and played practical jokes on each other. That night one of them poured cologne on Tuleja's groin area while he was passed out and allegedly lit his pants on fire, according to prosecutors. Tuleja suffered second-and third-degree burns on his testicles and third-degree burns on his inner thighs.

Second and third degree burns on his nads? Toasting someone's testicles is their idea of a practical joke? I want to party with these guys! Maybe they'll hog tie me and drag me through a cactus field. Won't that be good times!