Written by Joe Janes
1/15/10
352 of 365
Cast:
Eva, 20s
Louis, 20s
Jesus, 30s
(Lights up on Louis sitting in a coffee shop, sipping coffee. Eva enters with her coffee and sits at a nearby table. Louis watches her. She says a silent prayer before sipping her coffee.)
LOUIS
Eva?
(Eva looks around.)
LOUIS (continuing)
Eva Cutcher?
EVA
Louis?
LOUIS
Yes. It’s so good to see you.
(He gets up and approaches her. He wants to go in for a hug, she’s not sure to stand or not. She stands, but makes sure there’s a lot of distance between their torsos as they hug. He sits down at her table.)
LOUIS (continuing)
You look great.
EVA
Thanks. So do you.
LOUIS
I haven’t seen you in years. Look, I’m really sorry about how things ended between us. I always thought you were a really great person.
EVA
That’s nice of you to say.
LOUIS
So, what have you been doing with your self?
EVA
I work as a legal assistant.
LOUIS
Great. You wanted to do that.
EVA
Just bought a condo.
LOUIS
Well, dig you.
EVA
And I’m a born again Christian.
LOUIS
That’s new. You know, this is crazy, but I was just thinking about you. Do you ever think about me?
EVA
Oh, yes. In fact, I pray for you. Every day.
LOUIS
Oh. That’s thoughtful, but I don’t think God really hears prayers.
EVA
I pray to Jesus about you.
LOUIS
I’m Jewish.
EVA
I pray for you to burn in hell.
LOUIS
Are you allowed to do that?
EVA
My prayers. Before you go to hell, I pray that you experience some horrible, horrible things. Disfigurement. Homelessness. Leprosy.
LOUIS
Why would you do such a thing?
EVA
You’re a horrible person, Louis Goldman. You’re a liar. An infidel.
LOUIS
I’m not as bad as I used to be. I’ve gotten better. Can’t you pray for me to keep becoming a better person?
EVA
I’d rather pray God smite you. It fills my heart with joy.
LOUIS
Okay. Well, if you ever think you might be able to forgive me-
EVA
I tried.
LOUIS
And-
EVA
I’m praying your eyes bulge out as your throat closes up from being attacked by venomous vipers. Praise the Lord.
LOUIS (standing)
I’m going to go, now.
EVA (standing)
I’m late for the prayer group I lead. Today we’re going to spend the entire hour praying Jesus comes into your life and kicks you in the balls.
(She exits.)
LOUIS
I left you because you were crazy! Man, I can’t believe I was actually missing her. (Louis turns to leave and a bearded man looking like Jesus enters.) Jesus?
JESUS
My son.
LOUIS
Did you hear all those nasty things Eva was saying about me?
JESUS
Yes. I did. (Jesus puts his hands on Louis’s shoulders.) Have patience. She knows not what she says. She is full of sadness and pain. Her heart will heal. All you need to do is pray for her. I will hear your prayers.
LOUIS
Really?
(Jesus knees Louis in the groin.)
JESUS
Just kidding.
(Blackout)
