Saturday, January 16, 2010

Week 52, Day 362 - "Born Again"

“Born Again”

Written by Joe Janes

1/15/10

352 of 365

Cast:

Eva, 20s

Louis, 20s

Jesus, 30s

(Lights up on Louis sitting in a coffee shop, sipping coffee. Eva enters with her coffee and sits at a nearby table. Louis watches her. She says a silent prayer before sipping her coffee.)

LOUIS

Eva?

(Eva looks around.)

LOUIS (continuing)

Eva Cutcher?

EVA

Louis?

LOUIS

Yes. It’s so good to see you.

(He gets up and approaches her. He wants to go in for a hug, she’s not sure to stand or not. She stands, but makes sure there’s a lot of distance between their torsos as they hug. He sits down at her table.)

LOUIS (continuing)

You look great.

EVA

Thanks. So do you.

LOUIS

I haven’t seen you in years. Look, I’m really sorry about how things ended between us. I always thought you were a really great person.

EVA

That’s nice of you to say.

LOUIS

So, what have you been doing with your self?

EVA

I work as a legal assistant.

LOUIS

Great. You wanted to do that.

EVA

Just bought a condo.

LOUIS

Well, dig you.

EVA

And I’m a born again Christian.

LOUIS

That’s new. You know, this is crazy, but I was just thinking about you. Do you ever think about me?

EVA

Oh, yes. In fact, I pray for you. Every day.

LOUIS

Oh. That’s thoughtful, but I don’t think God really hears prayers.

EVA

I pray to Jesus about you.

LOUIS

I’m Jewish.

EVA

I pray for you to burn in hell.

LOUIS

Are you allowed to do that?

EVA
My prayers. Before you go to hell, I pray that you experience some horrible, horrible things. Disfigurement. Homelessness. Leprosy.

LOUIS

Why would you do such a thing?

EVA

You’re a horrible person, Louis Goldman. You’re a liar. An infidel.

LOUIS

I’m not as bad as I used to be. I’ve gotten better. Can’t you pray for me to keep becoming a better person?

EVA

I’d rather pray God smite you. It fills my heart with joy.

LOUIS

Okay. Well, if you ever think you might be able to forgive me-

EVA

I tried.

LOUIS

And-

EVA

I’m praying your eyes bulge out as your throat closes up from being attacked by venomous vipers. Praise the Lord.

LOUIS (standing)

I’m going to go, now.

EVA (standing)

I’m late for the prayer group I lead. Today we’re going to spend the entire hour praying Jesus comes into your life and kicks you in the balls.

(She exits.)

LOUIS

I left you because you were crazy! Man, I can’t believe I was actually missing her. (Louis turns to leave and a bearded man looking like Jesus enters.) Jesus?

JESUS

My son.

LOUIS

Did you hear all those nasty things Eva was saying about me?

JESUS

Yes. I did. (Jesus puts his hands on Louis’s shoulders.) Have patience. She knows not what she says. She is full of sadness and pain. Her heart will heal. All you need to do is pray for her. I will hear your prayers.

LOUIS

Really?

(Jesus knees Louis in the groin.)

JESUS

Just kidding.

(Blackout)