Written by Joe Janes
10/19/09
274 of 365
Cast
Barry, 40s
Jared, 40s
(Lights up on Jared sitting on a cardboard box eating saltine crackers. He takes them out of their plastic wrapper and eats them one at a time nibbling at one end until he has passed the entire cracker into his cracker-grinder mouth. After the fifth or sixth one, he gets thirsty. He opens a small cooler nearby and takes out a plastic gallon jug of water, He is careful just to only take what he needs. He swishes the water around in his mouth before swallowing. Satisfied, he returns to cracker crunching. There is a knock at his garage-like door. He gets up, wiping off his t-shirt, and lifts the door up. Barry, a UPS man in a brown shirt and shorts stands there with a small box and clipboard.)
BARRY
You Jared Pillbottom?
JARED
Who’s asking?
BARRY
UPS. I have a package for you.
JARED (looking around)
Come on in.
(Barry enters and Jared closes the garage door.)
BARRY
Is this your residence?
JARED
You need to know that?
BARRY
No. Just asking. Looks like you live here.
JARED
It’s against the law to live in a self-storage unit, so, no. I don’t live here.
BARRY
Okay.
JARED
So, that’s it.
BARRY
Yes. Whatever “that” is.
(Barry hands Jared a small box. Jared takes it and regards it like it’s the Holy Grail.)
JARED
I need to find the right place for this.
(Jared sets it on top of the box he was sitting on.)
JARED (continuing)
This will have to do for now. Until I can buy a marble pedestal.
BARRY
I need you to sign for this.
JARED
Marble pedestal and some kind of light above it. Underneath it, too. Security. I never thought about security. I’ll have to sleep next to it, for now.
BARRY
That some kind of diamond or something?
JARED
Worth more than any diamond, worth more than any pile of diamonds. (He holds the box tighter) But I shouldn’t be telling you this.
BARRY
Look, I don’t care what you’ve got. Just doing my job. You need to sign for this.
(Jared takes the clipboard.)
JARED
What’s your name?
BARRY
Barry.
JARED
Barry. You have to promise me something, Barry. You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.
BARRY
Like I said, I don’t really care. Just doing my job.
JARED
You would care, if you knew. You would care very deeply. I went from a man who had a few things to a man who had nothing to a man who now has this. Sold everything I owned. Took out a loan. I don’t know how long I have left on this planet, but I figure I’m passed the halfway point. Up till now, my life had no meaning. This is purpose. This is also my retirement. My health insurance. If things get bad-
BARRY
If things get bad?
JARED
If things get worse, I can sell this. For more than the $15,000 I paid for it.
(Jared signs the clipboard and hands it back to Barry.)
BARRY
That’s my pen.
JARED
Sorry.
(Jared hands him the pen.)
BARRY
Well, Mr. Pillbottom. You enjoy that thing. (Barry walks to the door.) This seems to be locked.
JARED
Wait. Barry. I have no one. No one to call. No one to visit. I need someone to see me with this. To bear witness to this holy of all holies.
BARRY
I really need to-
JARED
Won’t take a second.
(Jared tries to open it, but can’t. Too much tape.)
BARRY
Use your keys.
(Jared tries to use his keys, but no use.)
BARRY (continuing)
Try my pen.
(Jared tries the pen.)
JARED
That helped. I think I have it. Got an edge here.
BARRY
My pen.
(Jared hands him back the pen and opens the box. He sets it down on the ground. He carefully and gently removes tissue paper. Jared tears up. He reaches in a pulls out a small back clump of hair and holds it up with reverence.)
BARRY (continuing)
A scouring pad?
JARED
A clump of Elvis’s hair. From 1958. Before he joined the army.
(Barry is silent for a moment.)
BARRY
I think I’m going to cry. (He starts to cry and kneels down before the hair.) Elvis was the king.
JARED
The one and only king.
BARRY
May I touch it?
JARED
Are your hands clean?
BARRY (wipes his hands on his shirt)
Yes.
JARED
Go ahead.
(Barry touches the hair and then holds his hand.)
BARRY
I will never, ever wash this hand.
JARED
I paid a king’s ransom for this.
BARRY
Not really.
JARED
For me. Relatively speaking. I gave up everything for this moment,
BARRY
You have my honor and respect, Jared Pillbottom.
JARED
I know.
(Jared places the clump of hair on top of his box. A shaft of light hits it.)
BARRY
Amazing.
JARED
Worth every sacrifice. You need to go, now. So I can be alone with Elvis.
(Jared opens the door for Barry. Barry slips out.)
BARRY
Do you mind if I come back sometime? Just to pay my respects.
JARED
I would like that, Barry.
(Jared closes the door. He finds his crackers and takes out a saltine. He places it as an offering to the clump of hair. He kneels down much like a latter-day Elvis in his cape at the end of a song. The song “Burnin’ Love” begins to play. Lights fade.)
