Monday, June 30, 2008

Fried Bullets

According to The New York Times, an average of 81 people a day in this country die from gunfire. This statistic does not include injuries.

Last week, the Supreme court held up as constitutional, the right for Americans to own handguns.

According to the American Heart Association, an average of 2,300 people a day die from heart disease.

Tomorrow, New York bans the use of trans fat in all restaurants.

In the realm of dietary dangers, trans fats rank very high. It has been estimated that trans fats are responsible for some 30,000 early deaths a year in the United States. Worldwide the toll of premature deaths is in the millions.

We're on the right track here. The evidence is clear. Americans are responsible enough to keep firearms, but not order for themselves in a restaurant.

Last year alone, a man in Queens accidentally killed his wife while cleaning his onion ring. Realizing how much more lethal trans-fats are, gangs are expected to load up on butter pats and sling shots. Drive by shootings will now be known as drive-thru shootings. The NRA is grateful for the courts revelations and, as such, has started a new campaign.

"Guns don't kill, french fries do."


Last Friday, I asked...

"The Starlight Theater in Wilmette, Illinois has canceled its production of the musical 'Ragtime' because of what?"

28% said "Couldn't find enough black actors in Wilmette."
- Wilmette has black people. They just aren't black enough.

15% said "Thought it had more ragtime in it."
- Hey, that was my complaint. More Coalhouse jamming on the piano and less Coalhouse blowing things up.

No one thought anyone was dumb enough for "Confused it for "Menopause: the Musical."

57% got it right with "It uses the N-word."

According to The Chicago Sun-Times, Wilmette Park District Executive Director Tom Grisamore said he made the decision to pull the show 12 days after learning the details of dialogue and lyrics that include use of the "n-word." Licensing agents for the show declined a request to rewrite parts of the lyrics, so it was dropped.

Hey, Grisamore - Exactly how would they rewrite the "n-word" and keep the same impact? "Make him apologize for calling me a ruffian!" doesn't quite pack the same punch. Idiot.