Week 33, Day 225 - "Enough Rope"

“Enough Rope”

Written by Joe Janes

8/31/09

225 of 365

CAST

Crystal, 20s

Steve, 20s

Chandra, 20s

(Lights up on Crystal. She sits in her garden apartment living room in the dark looking very depressed. We can see the light from her phone as she checks it once or twice to see if anyone has texted her. They have not. The doorbell rings. She gets up and stands very still, waiting to hear if it really rang. It did and it does, again. She turns on the light from a wall switch revealing the sofa and floor littered with used tissues. She wears all black and wears heavy dark mascara. The doorbell rings, again.)

CRYSTAL

(Loudly) Just a… (Corrected to a softer tone) Just a second.

(She checks her look in a wall mirror. She quickly adds some lines of mascara, giving her more of a crying raccoon look. She goes to the door.)

CRYSTAL (weakly)

Who is it?

STEVE (through door)

It’s Steve.

(She collapses a little against the door, relieved that it is he. She unlocks the door and rushes back to the sofa where she throws herself into a melancholy pose.)

CRYSTAL

It’s open.

(Steve enters. He is a bright, nice looking guy. He carries a backpack over one shoulder.)

STEVE

Hi, Crystal.

CRYSTAL

Hello, Steve.

STEVE

You alone?

CRYSTAL

Chandra’s in her room studying for a mid-term.

(Pause)

STEVE

I got the note you left on my car. And the headless teddy bear you put in my mailbox. And I got your text. Well, texts. All of them. Even the last one.

CRYSTAL

My suicide text?

STEVE

Yah, your suicide text.

CRYSTAL

I can’t live without you, Steve.

STEVE

I can see that.

CRYSTAL

How can you throw our love away like this?

STEVE

I guess I felt like you were pressuring me to commit to a relationship with you. Two weeks of going out together may seem like a long time, Crystal, but-

CRYSTAL

I can’t help what my heart feels, Steve. And what if feels right now is… mutilated.

STEVE

I know, I know. (He sits down on the sofa.) Crystal, I hate seeing you like this. I’m sorry I broke your heart.

CRYSTAL

Mutilated.

STEVE

Mutilated your heart. I’m really sorry.

CRYSTAL

I was just about to take a warm bath.

STEVE

That sounds relaxing.

CRYSTAL

And slit my wrists. Would you do me a favor?

STEVE

Anything.

CRYSTAL

Could you run to the store and get me razor blades? The old-fashioned kind. All I have are Daisy leg shavers.

STEVE

Crystal. I brought you a gift.

CRYSTAL

You did?

STEVE

I think it will change your mind about razor blades.

CRYSTAL (cheering up)

What did you get me? A new teddy bear?

STEVE (reaching into his bag)

Even better. Rope.

(He pulls out a coil of rope with a noose on one end.)

CRYSTAL

Rope?

STEVE

The real sturdy kind. I figured you didn’t have any and using a belt or bathrobe sash is so unreliable. Plus, with rope, you can make a really cool noose, like this.

CRYSTAL

That’s thoughtful.

STEVE

And, the best part, no mess.

CRYSTAL

Guess I didn’t think about the clean up.

STEVE

This water pipe out to hold you. (He throws the rope over a pipe in the ceiling.)

CRYSTAL

Thanks.

STEVE

Now, I read on Wikipedia, that to really get the job done, you want to leave a little slack in the loop. (He grabs one of her chairs and puts it under the pipe.) That way, when you kick the chair out from under yourself, you’ll get a little jerk that will snap your neck as well as strangle you.

CRYSTAL

I appreciate you going to all the trouble. I kind of had my heart set on the razor blades though.

STEVE

That’s pretty slow, compared to this.

CRYSTAL

I really like red. And I think it would look more dramatic than a Crystal piñata.

STEVE

Hey, your death.

CRYSTAL (picking up her purse)

Would you mind running to the 7-11 for me?

STEVE

Sure thing. I’ve got it. Need anything else while I’m there? Cotton balls? Fabric softener? Porn?

CRYSTAL

No. I’m good.

(Steve puts his hands on her shoulders and gives her a quick nod.)

STEVE

Be back in a sec.

(Steve exits. Crystal takes some make-up wipes out of her purse and wipes off her face. Chandra walks in carrying a six-pack of cheap canned beer.)

CHANDRA

Hey, you turned the lights on. That’s cool (indicating rope). Was Steve here?

CRYSTAL

Yes.

CHANDRA

You kids getting back together?

CRYSTAL (sitting)

No. Not at all. I never want to see him at all. Ever.

CHANDRA

That’s the spirit. (Chandra sits next to her) Want to get drunk and watch mixed martial arts?

CRYSTAL

More than anything.

(They hug.)

CHANDRA (points to rope.)

Let’s keep that. Maybe we can stick a flowerpot in it.

(Lights fade as they pop open their beers.)

Week 28, Day 190 - "Dear Penthouse"

“Dear Penthouse”
Written by Joe Janes
7/27/09
190 of 365

CAST
Dina, 20s
Megan, 20s
Shelly, 20s
Dave, 40s
Scott, 20s
Ted, 20s

(Lights up on Megan, Shelly and Dina in their college apartment. Megan and Shelly sit at a table doing homework. Dina is watching TV.)

DINA

Are you guys going to study all night?

MEGAN

It’s only seven o’clock.

DINA

Whatever.

SHELLY

Aren’t you worried about passing your history test?

DINA

Professor Krause always does multiple choice.

SHELLY

So?

DINA

The answer is “B.”

MEGAN

Answering “B” won’t get you an “A.”

DINA

I just want to pass.

(Doorbell rings. Shelly looks at Dina, who doesn’t move.)

SHELLY

Don’t get up.

(Shelly answers the door. Dave enters carrying a pizza and case of beer.)

SHELLY (continuing)

Dad!

DAVE

Hi, Shelly. Girls, the pizza boy is here!

(He enters and puts the pizza and beer on the table. He starts opening beers and handing them out.)

DINA

Hi, Mr. Jensen.

DAVE

Mr., Jensen? Is my dad here?

SHELLY

No, mine is.

DAVE

Call me, Dave, Dina. Hi, Megan.

MEGAN

Hi…Dave. Thanks for bringing us pizza. I was just thinking about how hungry I was.

SHELLY

Dad, this is nice, but we’re trying to study for a test.

DAVE

A test? A test in what? Lay it on your old man. I’ll help you.

MEGAN

American History.

DAVE

American History, American History… Multiple choice?

MEGAN

Yes.

DAVE

Just answer “B.”

DINA

That’s what I said, Dave!

(She high fives him and he is very happy about that.)

SHELLY (going back to studying)

Oh, God.

DAVE

I can’t believe you attractive young ladies are spending your evening studying.

SHELLY

It’s Tuesday.

DAVE

But you’re in college. And I just read your school is rated one of the top twenty party schools in the country.

MEGAN

Something to be proud of.

DAVE

Put the books away. Let’s eat us some pizza. Drink us some beers. Call more of your girlfriends and invite them over. Let’s have a party. …I’m buying!

DINA (texting)

I just texted my friends, Dave.

SHELLY

Dina, we’re not having a party.

DINA

We are, now. I also posted it on Facebook and Twitter.

DAVE

Cool. I brought a party CD, too.

(He hands Dina a CD.)

SHELLY

Dave… Can I speak with you in the kitchen, please?

DAVE (grabs a beer)

Sure, Shelly.

(They walk to the far side of the stage through a “door” into the kitchen.)

DAVE (continuing)

Here’s your beer.

SHELLY

I don’t want a beer. I want to spend the evening studying for my test.

DAVE

Shelly, Shelly. You only live once. Your college years are going to fly by.

SHELLY

They’re my college years. Not yours. I don’t need you around trying to relive your college years.

DAVE

Believe me, the last thing I want to do is relive my college years.

SHELLY

Pizza? Beer? Parties?

DAVE

I was a dork in college. Yeah, I know. Me. All I did was study and get “A”s. I was the most boring man on campus.

SHELLY

Then what the hell are you doing? Trying to make up for lost time?

DAVE

What? No. Just trying to make sure my little girl and her roommates get the most out of these formulative important years.

SHELLY

Which one?

DAVE

I don’t know-

SHELLY

Which one of my roommates do you have the hots for?

DAVE

Dina has some pretty hot videos on Facebook.

SHELLY

You’re watching videos of my friends on Facebook.

DAVE

You friended me. You were tagged in her karaoke strip tease.

SHELLY

We were drunk.

DAVE

I know. That’s why I brought beer and the greatest hits of Bon Jovi, karaoke-style.

SHELLY

Jesus, Dad. It’s my life. Not your chance to live out Internet porn fantasies.

DAVE

Sure you don’t want a beer?

SHELLY

Go home. Go date women your own age.

DAVE

Women my age don’t look like that.

SHELLY

Stop trying to sleep with my friends. Seriously. It’s time for you to leave.

(She opens the door for Dave to leave. They enter the living room where the karaoke version of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love A Bad Name” is blaring. Megan and Dina have their tops off and are singing along loudly. Scott is video taping them. Ted is cheering them on. If there’s more students around partying, awesome. Megan and Dina grab Dave and make him join them. Everyone is singing along, except Shelly. Shelly grabs her textbook and three beers and exits. Lights fade.)

Week 24, Day 168 - "New Blood"

“New Blood”
Written by Joe Janes
7/5/09
168 of 365

CAST
Mr. Brown, 50s
Lillie, 18


(Lights up on a park bench in the downtown square of a small town in Ohio. Seated on the far end of the bench is LILLIE, 18, casually and conservatively dressed. Sitting on the other end is MR. BROWN, late 50’s. He wears a sports coat, khakis, a blue button down shirt and a Looney Tunes necktie. He is holding a manila envelope. She looks pensive.)

MR. BROWN

Did you hear what I said?

LILLIE

Yes. Yes, I heard.

MR. BROWN

I know that’s not what you expected to hear, Lillie.

LILLIE

Mr. Brown, you lied to me.

MR. BROWN

I have it right here. I was hoping you’d come to your own conclusions…think about what’s best for everybody.

LILLIE

I have good grades. A scholarship. I can’t throw that away.

MR. BROWN

You’re smart. Smart as a whip. You think things through. People like you, students and teachers. You’re a good egg. We need you here, Lillie.

LILLIE

But it’s what I want, Mr. Brown.

MR. BROWN

Hoo, boy. I have seen and heard this so many times. Not from you. Over the years as the high school guidance counselor. I was the same way, too, at your age. It was all about me and what I wanted. No thought to the community. It’s like rats jumping off a sinking ship. That’s why I wanted you to meet me here.

LILLIE

In beautiful downtown nowhere, Ohio.

MR. BROWN

It’s a joke to you. It’s a joke to all you young people. I guess I don’t blame you. But you can change it.

LILLIE

This place is dead. It even smells like old people.

MR. BROWN

You see this?

(He points to the armrest in the middle of the park bench.)

LILLIE

It’s an armrest. So?

MR. BROWN

An armrest. On a park bench? Do you really think that’s necessary? Know why it’s really here?

LILLIE

To rest one’s weary arm.

MR. BROWN

So homeless people don’t bunk on it. Wouldn’t want to offend the little old ladies with such an unwholesome sight. Especially right here near the courthouse. It wasn’t always like this. Not so long ago, and I know I sound like an old fart saying all this, that plumbing and heating
supply store over there used to be a movie theater. That’s why their sign looks like a marquee. I took my wife there when she was your age. You know that flea market on the weekends out on Route 2. It used to be a drive-in. Took my wife there, too. We didn’t watch too many movies there, though.

LILLIE

Thanks for the walk down memory lane and the horrible image of you and your wife now burned into my brain. I guess I’ll have to send in my own college applications.

MR. BROWN

I’ll send it in Lillie. You can even walk with me over to the post office and watch me do it. But, please, just listen to me for a second. This town used to be alive. Since the gypsum plant closed and the Wal-Mart opened, the downtown barely has a pulse. Look at you, young and alive and full of dreams. We need you here. This town needs you to breathe life into it. This town needs to dream. People didn’t used to leave. They’d marry after high school and settle down and raise a family. I sit in my office every day and I see bright young people leave and never come back. Used to be you’d leave to go join the military, but you came back. You came back and got a job at a factory or at the hardware store or the grocery store. If you went to college, you came back with a degree and you put up a shingle as a lawyer or a doctor. Or whatever. No one comes back anymore. They leave and they never come back. The class sizes get smaller and smaller every year. What religion are you?

LILLIE

Catholic, maybe?

MR. BROWN

Catholic, maybe? I’m Episcopalian. Go every Sunday with my wife to St. Thomas. I help out, too, as an usher. Me and Virgil Turkington are the ushers. And every Sunday, it surprises me that he shows up because he’s just so damn old. When I was a kid, it would be packed. Last Easter, there was barely a dozen people. No one in that church was under thirty. Maybe even forty. They don’t even have a regular reverend anymore. They send in some woman from Cleveland once a week. A woman. Nothing wrong with that, just a little weird is all.

LILLIE

Some people stay. Not everyone wants to go to college, like me. Tom Heinemann, Lori Letterhos, Steve Gurtz. They’re all staying.

MR. BROWN

Not exactly the pick of the litter. In fact, any self-respecting hound would have eaten them at birth.

LILLIE

They’re not that bad.

MR. BROWN

We’ll see. But the ones who stay, don’t have a choice. They usually turn out becoming cops or criminals. Mostly the latter.

LILLIE

Mr. Brown. I’m sorry. I know this town is important to you. If I stay here, I’ll die. I’ll be like my mother. The walking dead in homemade Christmas sweaters.

MR. BROWN

How about this? This college is five states away. How about sticking closer to home? Go to State. You could commute.

LILLIE

Have you met my mother? Five states away is still too close.

MR. BROWN (standing up)

I’ll mail your application, Lillie, but will you at least think about what I said. Maybe after you graduate college, maybe even after a few years of being a doctor, you’ll come back here. Share your gifts with us. Bring us some children to play around here, again.

LILLIE

I’ll think about it. I will. But if I stay here, now, it will be like a death sentence.

MR. BROWN

Yeah. I suppose it would.

(He exits. Lights fade.)

Week 22, day 151 - “Zombie Pizza Party”

“Zombie Pizza Party”
Written by Joe Janes
6/18/09
151 of 365

CAST:
Zombie Brian, 20s
Zombie JC, 20s
Zombie Rammel, 20s
Zombie Kelly, 20s
Val, 20s
Zombie Alex, 20s

(In the dark we hear zombies growling. Lights up on four zombies, Brain, JC, Rammel and Kelly. They look as though they became zombies while at a frat party. They stand looking out doing some low level zombie growling. They are interrupted by a doorbell. They become quiet, but their eyes widen. The doorbell rings, again. Zombie Rammel shuffles over and opens the door. Val, the pizza delivery guy, is standing there holding a pizza.)

VAL

Hi. Somebody order a pizza on-line?

(Zombie Rammel invites him in with the wave of his rotting hand. Val walks in. The zombies gather around him looking at the pizza.)

VAL

That’s going to be $12.50.

(Zombie JC knocks the pizza to the floor.)

VAL

Hey. You’re still going to have to pay for that.

(The zombies all drag Val to the ground and devour him. The quickly reduce him to mostly bone and little meat. Zombie Alex enters carrying a six-pack of beer. He growls and the others stop and look at him. He is clearly disappointed they started without him. They look ashamed. Zombie Alex inspects the remains. Zombie Kelly offers him what’s left of a foot in a shoe. He knocks it out of her hand and walks away. Zombie Brian tries to console him by offering him his own arm to eat. Alex spurns the idea, but Brian persists. Alex tries a nibble. Tries another small nibble. He excitedly starts to chow down on Brian’s arm. All the zombies cheer. “I Gotta Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas plays. The zombies dance as Alex continues to nosh on Brian. Lights fade.)

Week 20, Day 139 - "An On-line Education"

(This is Saturday's post published after midnight)

“An On-line Education”
Written by Joe Janes
6/6/09
139 of 365

CAST
Edna, 50s
Elsie, 50s
Jared, 30s

(Lights up on Edna and Elsie having coffee in Elsie’s living room. Jared, in shabby t-shirt and shorts, works at a laptop on a table off to the side.)

EDNA

This coffee is delicious. Maxwell House?

ELSIE

I switched to Folgers’s Crystals.

EDNA

It’s very good.

ELSIE

It’s the crystals.

EDNA

Has Jared found a job, yet?

ELSIE

Oh, I didn’t tell you. Jared is going to college.

EDNA

Really? That’s great. Where?

ELSIE

Right here. On the computer. You can do that these days.

EDNA

Oh, sure. I’ve seen the commercials.

ELSIE

A degree and everything.

EDNA

Jared, your mother tells me you’re a college boy, now.

JARED

Hunh? Oh, yeah. That’s right Aunt Edna.

EDNA

What’s your major?

JARED

Uh, business communications and management marketing.

EDNA

Oh, my. Very exciting.

ELSIE

Very cutting edge, right Jared?

JARED

Right, Mom.

EDNA

You’ll have to invite me to your graduation.

ELSIE

I don’t think they have one.

JARED

They just e-mail it to you and you print it out.

EDNA

The miracle of technology. Are you in class, right now?

(She gets up and moves behind him)

JARED

Yeah. I’m taking a quiz.

EDNA

What’s it about?

JARED

I’m actually done. I’m waiting for the results, now.

EDNA (reading the screen)

You are most like Jabba the Hut. Is that a good thing?

JARED

Yeah. It’s like an “A.” I have a lot more quizzes to do, so, you know…

EDNA

Study away! It’s good to see you so motivated. I always told your mother you were a late bloomer. And look at you, blooming.

ELSIE

He’ll be a college graduate in no time.

EDNA (returning to her seat)

I used to be so worried about him, Elsie. Such a loafer. Mooching off you all these years. I was wrong about you, Jared.

(He nods)

ELSIE

The tuition’s much cheaper than regular college. I don’t mind paying it at all. Worth the investment. It will make him very hirable. He’ll get a job by the time he’s 35 and then he’ll be able to take care of me for a change (she giggles.)

JARED (getting up and exiting)

Hey, Mom. Can I have your credit card?

ELSIE

Sure, Dear. It’s in my purse.

JARED (off)

Got it.

EDNA

Didn’t you already pay for his classes?

ELSIE

Sometimes there are extra class fees, just like the real thing. Right, Jared?

JARED (re-entering)

Um, yeah. Headmistress Jasmine wants to have a one-on-one tutorial with me. Costs extra. So, I’m going to take the laptop into the bathroom. For some privacy.

ELSIE

Okay, Dear. You be nice to her. Be respectful.

EDNA

Do what she says!

JARED

Oh, I will. Got to make sure Mom gets her money’s worth.

(He exits with the laptop.)

ELSIE

He’s become more thoughtful since he’s been in school.

EDNA

He seems more mature.

ELSIE

They grow up so fast.

EDNA

This is really good coffee.

ELSIE

It’s the crystals.

(Blackout)

Week Three, Day Nineteen - "Hemlock"

(This is Friday's post. I posted after midnight last night.)

“Hemlock”
Written by Joe Janes
2/6/09
19 of 365


Cast:
Ari, 20s
Roger, 20s

(Ari, a slight, nerdy looking fellow, is adjusting a noose over a pipe in the ceiling of his dorm room. He stands on a chair. He gets down off the chair and gives everything the once over. There is a goblet on a table. He picks it up, but before he sips, he closes his eyes and thinks for a moment. He then holds his nose and drinks about half of it. He almost chokes it back up but manages to keep it down. He gets back on the chair. He stands for a moment, going over everything in his head. He then takes a small plastic “carry out” bag out of his back pocket and puts it over his head. He then puts the noose on over top of that and appears to tighten the rope around his neck. The plastic bag begins to balloon in and out. Roger enters. He is taller and heavy set. He puts his backpack down and takes off his jacket. He notices Ari, but makes no big deal about it. The ballooning is becoming slower. Roger goes over to a small dorm refrigerator and takes out a beer. He sits at his desk. The bag has stopped ballooning. Roger turns on the computer at his desk and we hear the Mac start-up orchestration. Ari, startled, jumps a bit and claws an opening in the bag for his face to come out.)

ARI

Roger!

ROGER (at computer)

Hi, Ari.

ARI

I didn’t expect you home. Don’t you have Calculus?

ROGER

Cancelled. The teacher went to Ireland or something at the last minute. We think he got somebody pregnant.

ARI

Really? Professor Bowen? The guy with the turkey neck?

ROGER

Yeah.

ARI

Who did he get pregnant?

ROGER

We don’t know. We were just speculating. What have you been up to?

ARI

I was just killing myself.

ROGER

You were? I thought you were doing something else.

ARI

Doing what else?

ROGER

You know, that thing. Autoerotic asphyxiation.

ARI

Ew. No. That’s gross. I’m just killing myself.

ROGER

Hey, I’m not here to judge. Why the bag?

ARI

Oh, this is brilliant. You'll appreciate this. The bag was to get me to a point of passing out so I fall off the chair and hang myself. It also speeds up the poison I ingested so I feel less pain.

ROGER

Is it working?

ARI

I do feel all tingly.

ROGER

Well, don’t let me interrupt you, dorm buddy. You do what you need to do. I’ll do what I need to do.

ARI

What do you need to do?

ROGER

I need to look at this computer screen. I’ve been looking at people all day and I need a break.

ARI

Yeah. People suck. That’s why I’m killing myself.

ROGER (commiserating)

Tell me about it.

ARI

There’s this girl in my astronomy class. Erika. With a “k.”

ROGER

It’s sexier that way.

ARI

Everything about Erika is sexier. At the planetarium, when everyone, including Erika, was looking up, all I could do was stare at her mandible.

ROGER

What part is that?

ARI

It’s her jaw. Specifically, I was looking at where her jaw hinges to her neck.

ROGER

Is that dirty?

ARI

I felt dirty. Especially when I followed her neckline all the way down-

ROGER

To her boobs?

ARI

Her clavicle. The cradle to my soul. I see her and it hurts too much to be me inside.

ROGER

Have you asked her out?

ARI (hopeful)

Do you honestly think a man like me has a chance with a woman like Erika?

ROGER

No. I’m just doing that thing people are supposed to do when they hear people say stuff like that.

ARI (crushed)

That’s what people do. They give other people hope instead of telling them the truth. That’s why I hate them. It’s just a set up for more hurt. Bigger hurt. All in the name of trying to be nice. It’s not nice at all.

(Roger has finished his beer and now sips from the goblet.)

ROGER

That’s pretty good. Did you put that in your note?

ARI

My note? Oh, for the love of Pete! I forgot the note. I remembered the rope, the plastic bag and the poison, but I forgot the note. Oh, what a fool am I! I really don't deserve to live. Roger! Roger! You must write my note for me. Hurry. Before it’s too late.

ROGER (grabs some Post-Its)

Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

ARI

Not on a Post-It note! I’m dying here, not going to the 7/11 for cigarettes.

ROGER

Sheesh, Ari, I’m just trying to help. You don’t even like my handwriting.

ARI

Handwriting would indicate it looked like a human wrote it. You have clawwriting.

ROGER

I’ll print in big letters and, here, I’ll use this.

ARI

What is it?

ROGER

It’s paper, see?

ARI

What’s on the other side?

ROGER

It’s a “to go” menu from Pickles ‘n’ Pizza, but it’s only printed on one side. You want to do this or not?

ARI

Fine. Fine…. Okay…Okay…Don’t start yet.

ROGER

I didn’t start.

ARI

I saw you writing.

ROGER

Just the date. Now, go.

ARI

Don’t rush me. It’s my funeral. The funeral! I planned nothing. Damn it all to hell! Okay… Here we go… To Whom It May Concern… I, Aristotle Sugar Lomarr, have most nobly chosen to leave this ever-maddening ball of wet clay. And I do so with dignity, with my head held high. Where other unhappy souls may choose life and soldier on through the drudgery of mortality, I have chosen to make a graceful exit to take my place amongst the dust and the wind. I excuse myself as I would do at any party at which I felt uncomfortable, which is all of them. I quietly take my leave. Adieu…. Post Script - Please bury me in the quad… near the rock where Erika sits and… reads from her hardcover editions of… Jane Austin novels. …Tell mother… and father… I tried.

(During Ari’s monologue, Ari becomes weaker and slower, and completely stops at the end. Roger looks at the note and finishes off the contents of the goblet.)

ARI (continuing weakly)

Oh, and Roger…

ROGER

Yeah, Buddy?

ARI

Don’t drink out of that goblet. It’s hemlock. (He dies. Roger starts trying to throw up in a basket. Lights fade as we hear the music intro to the TV news…)

ANCHOR (VO)

Tragedy at Drexel University today. Two students, a philosophy major and mathematics major, roommates at Kelly Hall dorm, have taken their lives in what appears to be a homosexual murder-suicide love pact in a ritual involving autoerotic asphyxiation. Officers said they found a possible suicide note that reads “Fine. Fine. Okay. Okay. Don’t start yet.” But then becomes indecipherable due to extremely poor penmanship.