Written by Joe Janes
6/25/09
158 of 365
CAST:
Ring Master
Max, 30s, German
Reggie, 30s
(In the darkness, we hear the roaring voice of the Ring Master.)
RING MASTER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, may I direct your attention to high above the center ring. Put your hands together for The Amazing Maxwell!(A spotlight comes up on the devilishly handsome Max holding a balancing pole and slowly walking a high wire – the actor is actually stage level and NOT walking a high wire, unless, of course, you can do that, then, by all means, knock yourself out. Maxwell waves to the adoring fans below. He removes a scarf from around his neck, wipes his brow with it, and tosses it to the crowd. They go wild.)
RING MASTER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen! I have just received word that I am now, at this moment, legally obligated to bring your attention also to high above the center ring, but on the other side of the ring, for The Amazing Maxwell, the second… I mean “two”!(Lights up on the other side of the stage and we see The Amazing Maxwell 2 dressed similarly and looking similar to, The Amazing Maxwell. Perhaps a little shorter and plumper. The Amazing Maxwell 2 waves to a confused crowd below.)
MAX
How dare you!REGGIE
How dare you, sir! I told you what the consequences would be.MAX
You are not The Amazing Maxwell, Reggie. This is not The Amazing Maxwell!REGGIE
Of course I’m not. I am The Amazing Maxwell 2. And I have a court order that allows me to use that name and perform the act we created for this circus at this circus.MAX
You are a bastard.REGGIE
Nevertheless. (During their exchange, they continue to slowly walk towards one another.)
MAX
You are nothing but a leech on my sequined ass.REGGIE
I trained you, Max. I choreographed your routine with you. I made you better. I made you a star.MAX
You mean you assisted me, Reggie. You were nothing more than a paid intern.REGGIE
Say it enough and maybe you’ll believe it, but you’d be nothing without me.MAX
A fact I would like to find out.REGGIE
You can’t treat people the way you do, Max. I helped you build your act and your following and you just cut me out. Threw me away like the sweaty scarf you throw to the crowd. Which was my idea, by the way.(Reggie removes the scarf from around his neck, wipes his brow with it and tosses it to the crowd below. We hear a large, collective “Ew!”)
MAX
Ha! You have only succeeded in grossing them out.REGGIE
Well, I guess I am a little sweatier than you. A lot sweatier. (He wipes off his eyes.)MAX
You may have come up with a few ideas, Reggie-REGGIE
A few?MAX
A few! But I am the star. You are nothing but a lowly Hollywood scribe. You don’t see the screenwriter showing up on film claiming to be Clark Gable 2.REGGIE
I’m more than that. You never would have been able to do the triple twister backwards summersault had it not been for me.MAX
Ha! I will give you that, Reggie. The triple twister backwards summersault is your creation. Why don’t you go ahead and do it. Right now. Show the people your signature move.REGGIE
I can’t do that. I haven’t done the tiny bicycle or the flaming hoop, yet. You have to build up to the triple twister backwards summersault.MAX
You do if you can’t really do it and are avoiding it.REGGIE
I can do it. I’m just as good as you are Max. Hell, I’m better. I’m the greatest high wire artist of all time. You kept holding me back, afraid of my talent.MAX
You may be as good as me, but I will tell you something you are not, Reggie.REGGIE
What?MAX
You are not…as handsome!(He plays to the audience and gets a big cheer. He finishes by giving focus to Reggie.)
REGGIE
The only reason you’re able to stay up on the high wire, Max, is because you are full of hot air!(Reggie finishes the statement playing out to the audience, which suddenly goes silent. He tries again and they start booing.)
MAX
You are losing them, my friend. You had better try to win them back. REGGIE
What do I do?MAX
Hmm… I know what I would do.MAX AND REGGIE
The triple twister backwards summersault!MAX
But you are not ready. I guess I’ll go ahead and do it, leaving you to try to follow it later, while I’m back on the ground tickling the chins of my adoring girl fans with the wads of cash I stuff in my dance belt.REGGIE
Not if I beat you to it.(They face each other. A drum roll begins.)
MAX
We can’t do it together! Our leaps could create a piston action that would send us flying into the air.REGGIE
What’s the matter? Is The Amazing Maxwell now The Amazingly Cowardly Maxwell?MAX
Touché, my friend. On three!MAX AND REGGIE
Eine, Zwei, Drei!(The two flip backwards while twisting out, spinning three times. Yeah. I know. I suspect six-eight people dressed in black will run out and help them achieve this affect in slow motion. When they land, Reggie lands perfectly. Maxwell’s foot slips after he lands causing him to teeter back and forth trying to regain his balance.)
REGGIE
Try to grab my pole, Max!MAX
I can’t! I’m falling!(Max slips. Reggie reaches out and grabs him by the hand.)
MAX
Mein Gott! You’re all sweaty!REGGIE
Hang on!MAX
I’d like to, but it’s like you dipped your arms in a vat of pig grease.REGGIE
Hang on long enough for them to put the nets up down there.MAX
I don’t think I can. Well, Reggie, at least I fulfilled my dream.REGGIE
What’s that?MAX
I got to share the high wire with the greatest high wire artist of all time.REGGIE
You mean that?MAX
No, you idiot. I hate you!(He falls to his death. We hear his scream trail off and his body hit the dirt. The crowd goes “ugh.” Reggie, drained, stays on the wire on all fours. )
RING MASTER (VO)
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats while the paramedics tend to The Amazing Maxwell. (Reggie starts to crawl off.) As they whisk him away to the morgue, er, hospital, let’s look back up to the high wire where The Amazing Maxwell 2 is still contractually obligated to perform on a tiny bicycle and jump through a hoop of fire while juggling.REGGIE (stopping)
We never formally agreed on the juggling! We said maybe on the juggling!RING MASTER (VO)
Did I say juggling? I meant juggling hoops of fire! While the tires of his bike are on fire! While the very high wire upon which he performs quickly bursts into flames. (We hear flames shoot up and the lights turn orange.)
REGGIE
I never should have written this part.(Blackout)
