Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Believe...

- Richard Simmons needs to give it a rest.

...that Facebook is a great tool for staying in touch with the people that represent the best times of your life. It's also a pathetic and too frequent substitute for socializing.

...that you don't need to have a date to go out on New Year's eve. You do need to lower any expectations of meeting "the one" and having a perfect, passionate kiss at midnight that leads to an everlasting relationship. That would be like trying to win the lottery buying only one ticket, but instead of scoring the PowerBall millions, you'd likely get a two dollar scratch off.

...that gang-bangers who idolize the movie Scarface didn't stick around to see how it ended.

...that if we're really serious about turning the economy around, we need to stop buying anything that says "Made in China."

(thanks 138)

...that I'm sick of award shows and find them meaningless. But, if you want to give me one, I'll take it.

- I have another reason for never having been downhill skiing.

(thanks Smoking Gun)


Yesterday, I asked...

"Richard Lopez. a soldier from Fort Bragg, was pronounced dead from from wounds sustained in a bar fight. The fight was over what?"

18% said "The film "Top Gun""
- Sorry, Goose.

10% said "Obama being president"
- Clearly not, no one was shot.

No one thought it was "The Iraq War"
- We are all so over that.

72% got it right with "A Jimmy Buffet song on the jukebox"

According to The Rocky Mountain News, Richard Lopez, 37, of Fayetteville, N.C., a soldier from Fort Bragg died Monday morning in Denver from injuries suffered from a bar fight in Steamboat Springs on Friday night over a Jimmy Buffett song.

"The initial disagreement was about music being played on the jukebox," said Capt. Joel Rae with Steamboat Springs police.

"Richard Lopez and two other individuals put on the song, but two other individuals did not agree with it."

It was not known which Jimmy Buffett song was being played at the time, but the fight was taken outside the bar.

Here's the thing, no one should be beaten to death over a Jimmy Buffett song, unless it's Jimmy Buffett. And the song is Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Just So You Know...

It's been seven months since you broke off the engagement.
Six months since you broke off the relationship.
Five months since you moved out without leaving a forwarding address.
You didn't respond to my e-mail, so...

Just so you know...

- I'm doing fine. You seemed to think me incapable of surviving on my own even though I've been doing just that most my whole adult life. I have my own one bedroom apartment. It's nice. How's your studio?

- Things I may never forgive you for: lying to yourself and me about things you didn't like about me/us early on in our relationship, making me move three times in three years, putting me in the position of selling an engagement ring, taking the garlic press.

- I hope you miss me on those mornings you oversleep, when your car needs warming up, when you come home from work and are too tired to cook, and when you watch Doctor Who.

- I would like to think Pushing Daisies was canceled because you broke up with me. Pushing Daisies doesn't like you anymore.

- You were jealous. Getting attention and traveling are a natural by-product of what I do and it ate you up inside.

- I like the music you added to my iTunes.

- You hated my friends. They were always "my" friends. You never wanted "our" friends.

- You're right, I hate cleaning. If I have a choice between cleaning the floors and chilling out, chilling out wins. I bought a mop when I moved in and haven't used it yet.

- The cats seem happier without you around.

- I hope you find the man you are looking for. The one who works only nine-to-five and makes a ton of money on a weekly basis and keeps all his evenings and weekends free to be with you. He either doesn't exist or is really boring.

- In my mind, the straw that broke the camel's back for you was when I wouldn't allow you to keep live crabs in a bag in the pantry. I still find the thought horrifying and it would have driven the cats crazy anyway.

- Things you didn't like about me that you knew going in: my schedule is sporadic, my income fluctuates, I'm in theater.