Week Eight, Day 56 - “We Reach With Radio, Part I”

"We Reach With Radio, Part I"
By Joe Janes
3/15/09
56 out of 365

Cast
Joe, late teens
Rob, mid-40’s



(1979. Joe is sitting at the console of a small radio station in small town Ohio. He wears corduroy slacks and a new, black concert t-shirt for Woody Herman and his Thundering Herd.)

JOE
… and at Bataan Elementary they’ll be having macaroni and cheese, green beans and a fruit cocktail. Go easy on those cocktails, kids. That’s it for school lunch menus. Weather and the news coming up in ten. Right now, here’s the latest from Gerry Rafferty on WRWR, 94.5 FM, We Reach With Radio…

(Joe flips a switch and we hear Gerry Rafferty’s “Right Down the Line” begins to play. Joe takes off his headphones and cues up the next record. Rob Rider enters and closes the door behind him. He wears a gray three-piece suit and carries some record albums.)

ROB

Good morning, Joe J.

JOE (turning down the music)

Morning, Rob. How are you?

ROB

Good, good, good. Well, okay. You know, it’s no longer “We Reach With Radio.” It’s “WRWR – We’re Radio Active.”

JOE

Oh, I thought it was either one.

ROB

Nope. Just “We’re Radio Active.”

JOE

Because of the new nuclear power plant they built outside of town.

ROB

It’s clever and topical.

JOE

That it is.

(Rob looks at turntable and spins his head around to read the label.)

ROB

I was also wondering why you were playing the side of a 45 that clearly doesn’t have a tan sticky on it.

JOE

Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t paying attention. You know, this song has been getting a lot of airplay. You should consider giving it a tan sticky.

ROB

Perhaps. But remember, we only play rock and roll at night. Only adult contemporary during the day.

JOE

Right.

ROB

I brought in some new albums to put into the rotation, “Steve and Edie’s Greatest Hits”-

JOE

That’s an album?

ROB

Some Montavani and Roger Miller.

JOE

That’s… great. Let me double check something. Is it album-single-album-single? Or is it single-single-single-single-album?

ROB
It’s male vocalist single-album cut-instrumental single-album cut-female vocalist single-album cut-band single-album cut.

JOE
What should I do if I have a Steve & Edie single and their album is next in the stack? Do I play two in a row?

ROB
No, no. I think you should just skip over that album and go to the next album.

JOE
There’s also fewer instrumental singles than any other singles. I could end up playing “Hot Buttered Popcorn” two or three times in a shift.

ROB
I think that would be okay. Um… Joe J.? You wouldn’t know how this got into the adult contemporary “band single” rotation?

(Rob picks a 45 out of the bands single pile.)

JOE

What is it?

ROB

“Dog and Butterfly” by Heart. It clearly has a neon green sticky indicating rock. Heart is a rock and roll band. It does not belong here.

JOE

Have you heard the tune? It’s all acoustic guitar. Roger Miller out rocks it.

ROB

I see. Well, let’s keep it where it belongs for now. Have you seen Joe C. this morning?

JOE

Yeah.

ROB

He looks very nice today. Very professional. Shirt and tie. (Pause as he looks at Joe’s outfit.) Very well. I look forward to hearing Heart after 7pm.

(He exits. Joe turns the music back up, checks the log and organizes his commercial cartridges as “Right Down the Line” continues playing. Lights fade.)

Week Four, Day Twenty-Five -"NPR, Part I"

“NPR, Part I”
Written by Joe Janes
2/12/09
25 of 365

CAST:
Announcer
Akmed Glasheed
Ira Glass

(This is an audio piece designed to be heard between live action scenes.)

ANNOUNCER

In these tough economic times, organizations that rely heavily on charitable contributions are struggling to make ends meet. This has forced them to become more aggressive in their solicitation of funds. Organizations like National Public Radio…

AKMED (over instrumental middle eastern music)

……Coming up, we’ll be talking to Abdul Hafiz Mansoor, a thirteen-year-old Afghan boy who wants to kill all infidel Americans so he can go to heaven…and we’ll give him a few suggestions from experts on the best ways he can do that…I’m Akmed Glasheed. You’re listening to This Taliban Life.

(Middle Eastern music fades, light jazz comes in)

IRA GLASS

Does the thought of a show like that scare you? It should…It could happen… Hello…I’m radio’s Ira Glass. You know me from my show, This American Life. Since 9/11, this American life, the one we all live, has been under attack by devious forces. These are the kinds of soulless evildoers who wouldn’t think twice about hijacking a commercial jet airliner and flying it into our weekly program. What can you do to protect our airwaves? To preserve the freedom you have to tune in to me? Give generously to this NPR station. Donate now, before it’s too late. Put $911 on your credit card in the next hour, and I will come to your door and kiss you on the mouth. It’s that important… I’m Ira Glass.

IMPROVISED SHAKESPEARE

I'm playing in the show Friday night at iO at 8pm in The Del Close Theater. Come check us out.