Written by Joe Janes
6/5/09
138 of 365
CAST:
Marissa, 30s
Janey, 20s
Bonnie, 30s
Todd, 30s
(Lights up on Marissa and Janey decorating a large wedding cake. Janey is humming/singing “The Wedding Song.”)
JANEY
Dum-dum-da-dum…Dum-da-dum-dum…MARISSA
Janey. Please.JANEY
You don’t like my singing?MARISSA
It’s like two people walking on concrete.JANEY
Oh…Okay…Concrete is now thick shag carpeting. ….This wedding cake is so beautiful, Marissa. It’s one of the best ones you’ve ever done.MARISSA
Yeah. Thanks.JANEY
You’re so good at marzipan flowers. I want to pick these and put them in water. Shame someone’s going to take a knife to this tomorrow.MARISSA
I guess when you get down to it; it’s just a cake. You buy it. You eat it. May as well be a sheet cake from the grocery store.JANEY
Nonsense, this is a Marissa Cake from the Fascination Street Bakery. This could be a big shapeless glob and it would still taste better and look better than most cakes on the planet.MARISSA
Janey, look. I appreciate what you’re trying to do-JANEY
What am I trying to do?MARISSA
Blow sunshine up my ass. JANEY
If I were trying to blow sunshine up your ass, I’d grab a blowtorch because I’d need it to defrost that anus iceberg. You’re good at what you do. Live with it. …This is your 1,000th wedding cake.MARISSA
I know. I know it is.JANEY
For most people, that would be a reason to celebrate.MARISSA
I don’t feel like celebrating. It makes me feel like a travel agent that never goes anywhere.JANEY
Hunh?MARISSA
I make wedding cakes. Lots of them. I’ve never walked down the aisle. Not even close. I’m always in the banquet hall. Every guy I’ve gone out with didn’t appreciate what I do here. They think it’s just a job, not a career. Face it, I’m going to die old and alone making weddings cakes till I die. It’s like a punishment. Some sort of gypsy curse.JANEY
You just need to get out and meet more people, Marissa. Men people. MARISSA
Fascination Street is 24/7. When I’m not here, I’m thinking about here. The only guys I’ll ever meet are already spoken for. JANEY
You give me one night and I’ll get you out there meeting single guys.MARISSA
Drunk guys.JANEY
A step up from meeting little guys in tuxedos with their feet stuck in frosting.(Todd and Bonnie enter.)
BONNIE
Hello… Hi. We stopped by to check on the cake.JANEY
Here it is. Come take a look.MARISSA
We’re still putting on the finishing touches, Bonnie.BONNIE (tearing up)
It’s so beautiful. Todd, it’s so beautiful.TODD
Those flowers are amazing. I want to pick them and put them in water.JANEY
I told her the same thing.MARISSA
I’m Marissa.TODD
Todd.BONNIE
This is my man.TODD
I’m her man. You know, you hear about how the groom doesn’t really care about the details, like the cake, and that’s absolutely true-BONNIE
Oh, Todd.TODD
But this cake. It’s stunning. It’s a masterpiece. It should be in an art museum. MARISSA
Wow. You really like it.TODD
Like it. I love it. Anyone who can create something like this, is, well, a very special person. BONNIE
He’s right. You’re amazing, Marissa. You are so gifted. Whatever my father is paying you, he should double it. JANEY
You guys are really making Marissa’s day.TODD
You are-?JANEY
Janey. Marissa’s assistant. (Janey holds out her hand. Todd ignores it.)
TODD
I’ve always told Bonnie that I wanted to marry an artist that she should look out. If I meet an artist, I’m outta here. Even after were hitched.BONNIE
You know, I tell him the same thing. But I’m more specific. It’s Huey Lewis. It used to be George Michael, but then he got arrested. Seemed my chances got slimmer. I would leave in a minute for Huey Lewis. I don’t care how old he is. TODD
We had a long talk the night I proposed. We are totally devoted to one another’s happiness. BONNIE
Absolutely true. I told Todd; if he ever met someone he thought would make him happier, go for it.TODD
Ditto from me, too, baby. Marissa, would you marry me?JANEY
Hey, whoa. Todd. Bonnie?TODD
Bonnie, I’m sorry. But I think I would be happier married to Marissa. She’s an artist. So soulful. I really appreciate what you create. Marissa, I want to strip naked and dance in your layer cake. Can I have my ring back?BONNIE
No. I think we should talk about this. We have a wedding tomorrow. People are coming in from out of state.TODD
Give them this cake. They don’t deserve it. No human being on the planet deserves something this pure. But it will shut them up. One bite of this ambrosia and they’ll forget why they came. MARISSA
Todd, you’re kidding, right? You don’t know me. You’re already engaged.TODD
I know you. I know your art. I cannot live the rest of my life always wondering, Marissa.BONNIE
I hate this cake!(Bonnie garbs a knife and is about to drive it into the cake.)
TODD AND JANEY AND MARISSA
Nooooo!!!!!!BONNIE
I-I can’t do it. I can’t do it. It’s so wonderful. It would be like destroying the last dinosaur with my own hands. A pretty dinosaur. A pretty, pretty dinosaur.(Bonnie collapses on the floor. Janey hands her some Kleenex. Todd and Janey help her back up.)
TODD
I better take Bonnie out of here. Think about what I said, Marissa. Will you? Please? Can I tear me off a piece of your Kleenex? (He does and writes his number on it) This is my number. Tell me you’ll consider it. MARISSA
I think that would be very unprofessional of me. TODD
Try to let me know before two o’clock. After two o’clock, we’ll have to have a torrid affair until Bonnie and I can get a divorce. (Todd walks Bonnie out of the store, but not before giving Marissa a “call me” gesture. Janey and Marissa stand looking at each other dumbfounded.)
MARISSA
I think we’re done for today.JANEY
That was so weird. But how awesome for you and how horrible for Bonnie and Todd’s right, but insane. Don’t call him. Ever.MARISSA
I won’t.(She throws the number in the trash.)
JANEY
Okay. Hey, I’m meeting some friends at High Tops. Come on out. We’ll get our drink on and the drunk guys won’t seem so drunk. MARISSA
Sure. Maybe I will. (Janey exits as Marissa takes off her apron and puts a few things away. Marissa picks up a big knife and considers slashing the wedding cake. She does not. She walks to the door, turns, and takes one last look. Turns off the lights and leaves. Blackout.)
