Written by Joe Janes
10/10/09
265 of 365
CAST
Helen, 70s
Don, 50s
Bob, 40s
Joe, 40s
(Lights up on Don and Bob standing near a seated Helen. Helen has a comforter over her lap and is only slightly aware of their presence. Don kneels down to talk to her.)
DON
Hey, Mom. Happy birthday. Bob and I are here to wish you a happy birthday.
BOB
Happy birthday, Mom.
HELEN
That’s nice. You’re good boys.
(Joe enters.)
JOE
Hey.
DON
Didn’t think you were coming.
JOE
I’m here, right? (He kneels down to talk to his mother.) Hi, mom. It’s Joe. Happy birthday. Did you like your card? You gave her a card, right?
BOB
We gave her a card.
JOE
With my name on it?
BOB
You weren’t here.
(Joe sees the cards on a nearby dresser. He grabs one and scribbles his name on it.)
JOE
Here you go, Mom. I got you a card.
HELEN (She looks at it)
Oh, my, that’s nice. Look at that. Those flowers are pretty. “Like two flowers in a vase, we brighten each other’s day, as only sisters can. Love, your sister Elsie… and Joe.” That’s nice. You’re a good boy.
JOE
Are we taking her out to dinner?
DON
The nursing home said it wasn’t a good idea. She’s been getting worse.
JOE
Looks okay to me. I mean, okay for mom.
BOB
We were just going to spend a little more time and then go hit a bar.
JOE
I like that plan, but I’m torn. It’s her birthday. She won’t be around much longer. I want her to have a great birthday.
DON
Even if we did take her out, she won’t remember it tomorrow.
JOE
Good point. Let’s give her the best birthday she’s ever had. (Don and Bob look at each other quizzically.) Hey, Mom. How was your birthday? Wasn’t it the best ever?
HELEN
It’s my birthday. Oh, look, someone gave me a card. (She reads it.) That’s nice.
JOE
Did you enjoy your birthday dinner?
HELEN
I love The Olive Garden.
JOE
Really? That’s where we took you?
DON
Five years ago.
HELEN
They have the best breadsticks and fettuccine alfredo. And all the waiters and waitresses sang “Happy Birthday to me.” And your father was being so funny, “Never ending pasta bowl, more like never ending toilet bowl.” (She laughs.) Such a card.
BOB
Mom, Dad-
(Don stops him with a hand on Bob’s arm.)
DON
Did you like your present?
HELEN
I did. (She looks a round the room.) I must have put it away already. It was the prettiest dress from The Fashion Bug. I’m going to wear it Sunday to church.
JOE
You really enjoyed your birthday.
HELEN
You boys are so good to me. It was the best birthday I can remember ever having.
BOB
Did you get everything you wanted?
HELEN
Well…
JOE
The sky’s the limit, Mom.
HELEN
I’ve always wanted a pony. (The guy’s all look at each other.)
DON
A pony?
BOB
We got you one.
JOE
Yeah. Don’t you remember, Mom?
HELEN
Oh, yes (she doesn’t.)
JOE
You named him Chestnut.
DON
He’s out back.
HELEN
Can I see him, again?
BOB
He’s sleeping.
JOE
He’s sleeping. You can see him in the morning. You must be exhausted from your busy day.
HELEN
I am.
JOE
Okay, Mom. Love you. I’ll see you the next time I’m in town. (He kisses her on the cheek.)
BOB
Bye, Mom. I love you. (He hugs her.)
DON
Love you, Mom. (He hugs her and kisses her on the forehead.) Happy birthday.
(The guys head to the door.)
HELEN
I would never name a horse Chestnut.
(The guys all turn and guiltily look at her.)
HELEN (continuing)
Tomorrow, I’ll rename him Applejack.
JOE
Much better name, Mom.
DON
Love it.
BOB
He’s definitely an Applejack.
JOE (through his teeth)
Let’s go hit that bar.
(They exit. Helen dozes off and then opens her eyes and looks around. She looks confused. She notices the card in her hand.)
HELEN
Oh, look. Someone gave me a card. I don’t have a sister Joe.
(She dozes off again as lights fade.)
