Week 26, Day 181 - “Giant Leap”

“Giant Leap”
Written by Joe Janes
7/18/09
181 of 365

CAST:
Neil Armstrong
Buzz Aldrin
Michael Collins
Walter Cronkite

(Lights come up on a dimly lit stage. Off in the corner is a stepladder. We hear radio static and see Neil Armstrong, in his spacesuit, slowly descending the ladder.)

WALTER CRONKITE (VO)

This is a historic moment, ladies and gentlemen. Armstrong is on the moon. Neil Armstrong, a 38-year-old American, about to stand on the surface of the moon this July 20th, 1969. The whole world is witnessing this momentous occasion.

NEIL ARMSTRONG (VO)

That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for mankind.

(Neil slowly walks off as Buzz Aldrin descends the stairs.)

WALTER CRONKITE (VO)

That doesn’t really seem to be grammatically correct, probably should have been one small step for “a” man, but I think we get the gist. And now we see, Buzz Aldrin. Soon to be the second man to step foot on the lunar surface.

BUZZ ALDRIN (VO)

I'd like to take this opportunity to ask every person listening in, whoever and wherever they may be, to pause for a moment and contemplate the events of the past few hours, and to give thanks in his or her own way.

(Buzz joins Neil is slowly walking around and exploring the lunar surface.)

WALTER CRONKITE (VO)

Both men seem to really understand the breadth and scope of this breakthrough for all of humanity. Michael Collins is the third member of the Apollo 11 crew. Let’s see what he has to say about traveling 250,000 miles through space to the moon only to remain onboard the command module Columbia.

MICHAEL COLLINS (VO)

I cannot tell you how, as an earthling hovering above the moon all by myself, this really, really, sucks donkey ass. Take a giant leap over my dick and say thanks to that.

(Neil and Buzz flip Collins the bird overhead.)

WALTER CRONKITE (VO)

I am at a loss for words.

(Blackout.)

Week 26, Day 180 - “Angry Cow”

(This was posted after midnight Friday.)

“Angry Cow”
Written by Joe Janes
7/17/09
180 of 365

CAST
Billy, 40s
Ray, 40s

(Lights up on Ray and Billy in Billy’s basement den. Billy is looking at his watch. Ray is holding a glass. There is a small keg on a table before them.)

BILLY

And…it…is…now…almost…there! Ready!

RAY

You’re going to be the next Sam Adams, Billy.

BILLY

We’ll see, Ray. We’ll see. Hand me your glass.

(Billy taps the small keg and pours Ray a glass.)

BILLY

Wait. Don’t sip it, yet.

(Billy takes another glass and pours himself some.)

RAY

Ah, yes. Please join me in a drink, Sir.

BILLY

It would be my pleasure, Sir. Let us gentle men partake of our handcrafted beer.

RAY

Life’s lubricant.

BILLY

The true vessel of humanity.

RAY

To your own brand – What do you call it?

BILLY

I christen thee, Angry Cow.

RAY

A fitting tribute.

BILLY

My ticket to beer stardom.

RAY

My ticket to free beer.

(They clink their glasses and sip.)

BILLY

Not bad.

RAY

Not bad, at all.

BILLY

Michelle said I needed a hobby.

RAY

A man must fill his time with goodly deeds.

BILLY

I thought watching television was a worthwhile endeavor.

RAY

It’s not like you turn it on just to fill the void.

BILLY

Nor do I flip. I am not a channel flipper. I know what I want to watch when I want to watch it.

RAY

That takes forethought. You are a man with a plan.

BILLY

But Michelle thinks watching TV is watching TV, period. It’s unproductive.

RAY

Unproductive? Then why do TV shows have producers?

BILLY

I wish I had thought of that.

RAY

Now, you make beer.

BILLY

I am now a producer of beer in my basement den. I saw a documentary on the Food Network and I thought, “I can do that.”

RAY

Take that, Michelle.

BILLY

Life is about finding those opportunities.

RAY

Have you called the bank, yet?

BILLY

No. How long does it take to get your wife’s name off your credit cards?

RAY

Took no time at all to take Julie’s name off my cards. You just have to call.

BILLY (pouring himself more beer)

I’ll call after this beer.

(They sip.)

RAY

Anything on TV?

BILLY

I don’t know. Turn it on and see.

RAY (picking up remote and clicking it)

Take that, Angry Cow.

(Lights fade.)