Week 47, Day 323 - "Slow Walk With Limp In Echo"

“Slow Walk With Limp In Echo”

Written by Joe Janes

12/7/09

323 of 365

Cast:

Henry, 60s

(In the dark, offstage, we hear a slow walk with a limp and an echo. We begin to see the beam of a flashlight. Henry, a security guard in uniform, enters. He stands in the doorway and sends his beam around the room slowly. He turns on an overhead light and turns off his flashlight. In the center of the room are two backless bar stools. One is upright, the other knocked over. He walks over and sets the turned over stool upright. He places his lunch box on one stool while sitting on the other. He opens the lunchbox and takes from it a roughly designed homemade Christmas cookie, slightly burnt and a thermos. He sets them to the side. He then takes out a small, empty stocking with his name written on it. He attaches this to the side of the barstool. He then takes out a small transistor radio. He turns it on and we hear a lovely instrumental version of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” The final thing he takes out of the very large lunch box is a portrait of a young family. It looks like a younger version of him with a wife and young child, smiling, wearing Christmas sweaters. He considers it before setting it next to the music box. He takes a bite of his horrible Christmas cookie. It starts off well, but we can see on his face that its charred bitterness is shining through. He takes the thermos and pours himself a small glass of milk. He’s about to take another bit of his cookie, thinks better of it, and puts it away in the lunchbox. With a sigh, he packs up the thermos. He throws the stocking back in there, too. He picks up the portrait one more time and looks at it with a mixture of fondness and sadness. He then notices something in the lunch box. He pulls the stocking back out, but this time, it has something in it. He reaches in and pulls out a beautiful, refined version of the Christmas cookie. He takes a bite of it and is in heaven. He puts the stocking back in the lunch box and closes it. He walks off with the portrait under his arm, carrying the lunchbox in one hand and nibbling on the cookie with the other. He gets to the door and realizes he left the music box. He decides to let it keep playing. He shuts off the lights with his elbow. “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” finishes playing, then “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” starts playing. Henry rushes back into the room. Turns on the light. We see he has a mouth overloaded with Christmas cookie. He storms towards the radio, snatches it up, knocking over the bar stool in the process, and throws the radio on the floor. He then smashes it with the foot of his bad leg. Lights fade.)

Week 42, Day 294 - "Three Wishes"

“Three Wishes”

Written by Joe Janes

11/08/09

294 of 365

CAST:

Reggie, 50s

Genie, ??

(Lights up on Reggie, a homeless man in an overcoat, foraging for food in an alley. He finds a soda bottle with some cola in it. He opens it and swigs down the last of it. He holds his jaw. He has a toothache and is in severe pain. He goes back to foraging and finds a very ornate bottle, much like a Crown Royal bottle. He opens the cap. There’s thunder and smoke and lightning and a genie appears. He holds out three fingers. Reggie holds out three fingers and is very excited. He thinks and thinks and then realizes, of course, his tooth! The genie nods, makes a grand gesture and, voila, his tooth is all better. Yay! He’s very happy about this. The genie reminds him that he has two more wishes left. Reggie thinks. He smells something. Hmmm, it’s him. He looks at the genie. The genie makes a grand gesture. Reggie notices something different. He peels off his overcoat revealing a crisp white leisure suit. He is very, very happy about this. The genie reminds him that he has one final wish. Reggie thinks hard about this. He is tormented by the decision. He has one…no, no, no, no… Now, he’s got the right one… um, no, not that one… The genie is getting impatient. Reggie finally has it. He makes a heart-shape sign with his fingers. The genie shrugs, makes a grand gesture, reaches into his pocket and hands Reggie a full bottle of Crown Royal. Reggie is elated. He thanks the genie. Some thunder, smoke and lightning later, the genie has left. Reggie can’t open the bottle. He bites the cap and we hear a crack. A broken tooth sends him into extreme pain. Blackout.)

Week 41, Day 285 - "Life's Too Short - Hey, Look! A Balloon!"

“Life’s Too Short – Hey, Look! A Balloon!”

Written by Joe Janes

10/30/09

285 of 365

CAST:

Joni, 30s

(A lone chair sits on stage. Joni enters. She is casually dressed and looks bored. Very, very bored. She looks around the room. There is nothing to do or see. She sits in the chair. And she sits. And she sits. She is so freaking bored. From offstage, a normal-sized red balloon -sans helium- comes out onto the stage. Joni sees it. Maybe not at first, but eventually. She regards it with curiosity. She picks it up. A song like “Hooked On A Feeling” by BJ Thomas plays. She begins to play with the balloon, gently tossing it up into the air and catching it. She is enthralled. She gives the balloon a little hug. She has truly found a playmate. She waltzes around the stage with her balloon. She stops to give her balloon a kiss and it suddenly pops, the music stopping cold. She is stunned with sadness. She sits. She looks very sad and looks like she is about to cry until her quivering frown turns into a yawn. She is bored, again. Very, very bored. A very heavy red bowling ball or medicine ball rolls out onto stage. Joni sees it. She approaches the ball with forced enthusiasm. She picks it. “Hooked On A Feeling” begins to play. She struggles to play and waltz with the bowling ball as she did with the balloon, maybe even dropping it on her foot and continuing to dance with a limp. Lights fade.)

Week 37, Day 259 - "Give A Little"

“Give A Little”

Written by Joe Janes

10/4/09

259 of 365

CAST

Andrew, 30s

Whit, 30s

David. 30s

Alice, 30s

Anthony, 30s

(This is a silent scene done to light upbeat instrumental music. Lights up on Andrew, casually dressed, walking down the street. He sees Anthony sucking on a soda with a burger in his hand. Whit, a homeless guy, approaches Anthony with is hand out. Anthony hands Whit the soda which Whit discovers is empty. Anthony laughs, flips off Whit and walks off. Whit throws the soda cup down on the ground. Andrew walks up to Whit. He reaches into his pocket and hands an appreciative Whit a quarter. Whit exits. Andrew continues and encounters David, another homeless man, but more poorly dressed. David has his hand out. Andrew reaches into his pockets, but comes up empty. He pulls out his wallet and hands David a one-dollar bill. An appreciative David shakes Andrews hand in thanks and exits. Andrew continues and encounters Alice, a very homeless person seated on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign that says please help. Andrew pats his pockets as if to say “sorry.” He pulls out his wallet and shows her that it is empty. She reaches into the wallet and pulls out a credit card. She moves her sign and reveals a small machine she uses to scan the credit card. She does it again. There’s clearly something wrong. She tries it one more time. She shakes her head at Andrew. She takes a pair of scissors out of her pockets and cuts up the card in front of Andrew. Alice shoos him away. Andrew walks off. He sees the soda cup on the ground and picks it up. He uses it to start begging for change. Whit comes out eating a burger and drinking a soda. He sees Andrew. Andrew holds his cup out to him. Whit takes a big bite out of his burger and stuffs the remaining sandwich into Andrew’s cup. Whit walks off. Andrew starts picking at the sandwich and eating it. Lights fade,)

Week 36, Day 251 - "The Awakening"

“The Awakening”

Written by Joe Janes

9/26/09

251 of 365

CAST

Henry, 50s

Father Theodore, 50s

(Lights up on Henry’s bedroom early in the morning. He is deep asleep. His bell alarm clock goes off. He hits the button and it goes off. He barely wakes up to do that. He is quickly back to slumbering. Another electric alarm clock goes off across the room. He growls. He gets up and crosses the room to turn it off. He stands for a moment in the dark. He takes a deep breath. He coughs a bit. He rubs his face. He stretches. It feels good. He walks back to the bed and crawls back in and goes to sleep. Another buzzing alarm clock outside the room goes off. He climbs out of bed and stumbles out the door to offstage. We hear a cat get stepped on; he says “Fuck!” and a lamp gets knocked over. He turns the alarm clock off. He comes back into the bedroom and turns the light on. He stretches some more as he walks to the center of the room. He gets down on the floor on his back and starts to do sit-ups. He starts off quickly and spends more and more time when he is on his back. Until finally, he simply lies on his back. After a pause, he farts. A moment later, we hear soft snoring. A clock radio goes off near his bed. It’s playing whatever horrible schlocky dance Top Ten hit of the moment, Miley Cyrus or something. He crawls over and shuts it off. While on his knees, he collapses the upper part of his body onto his bed. Father Theodore stands in the doorway holding a broken lamp. He lightly clears his throat. Henry straightens up and pretends to be praying. Father Theodore shakes his head and walks off. Henry peeks to see if Father Theodore is still there. Relieved to find him gone, he sits on the edge of his bed. He looks distraught. He wonders if he’s really cut out for the monastery. He looks up, closes his eyes and prays for real. We hear the glorious sound of angels. Henry looks perturbed. He reaches over to the foot of the bed and turns off another alarm clock. Blackout.)

Week 32, Day 219- “Still Life”

“Still Life”

Written by Joe Janes

8/25/09

219 of 365

CAST

Marcus, 40s

Art Dealer D-Bag, 30s

Art Ho, 20s

(This is a silent scene. If set to music, it might be something similar to the lounge-y instrumental “Objet D’Amour” by Combustible Edison.)

(Lights up on Marcus standing before a blank canvas in t-shirt and jeans with paint and pallet in hand. He stares intently at the canvas. He hesitantly puts the brush close to the canvas, but backs off. He does this a few times. He turns away, takes a few steps, takes a few breaths, turns and goes back to the canvas. He grabs a different brush. He approaches the canvas, practicing his stroke first. He is inches away from putting his brush to the canvas when he just barely touches it. He quickly drops his brush and pallet and cleans off the paint with a rag and paint thinner. He looks around his studio. He sees an empty chair. He moves it and places it where he would if he had a model to paint. He goes back to his canvas, unhappy with the angle, he moves the chair. He returns to the canvas. He moves the chair once more. He returns to the canvas. Still unhappy, he sits in the chair. He sits in it various different ways. While sitting there, he sees a single flower in a vase on small table on the other side of the room. He moves the easel over to the chair and sits down to paint the flower from there. He paints furiously, passionately. He pours his heart and soul into capturing the essence of this flower on his canvas. Finished. Spent. Exhausted. He sits back satisfied with himself. He takes another look at his work. He looks concerned. He picks up the canvas and walks around the room looking at it from different angles in different light. He turns the easel out and sets it back down. It looks like crap. He turns to the flower. He takes it out of the vase and sets it on the table. He picks up a hammer from the floor and beats the piss out of the flower. He holds the flattened, smattered mess up toward the canvas to compare. Satisfied, he returns the beaten flower to its vase. The art dealer comes in with a tall beautiful woman at his side. They are both dressed in Italian chic with sunglasses. The artist is nervous, but happy to see him. The woman stays in the doorway as the art dealer looks at the canvas and is aggressively unimpressed. The art dealer turns and stops in his tracks at the sight of the flower. He is in awe of its magnificence. He delicately picks it up and regards it with reverence. He continues to revere the flowery remains as he walks out the door. The artist follows, but is stopped by the woman who tosses coins on the floor to distract the artist. It works. She exits. The artist scoops up the coins and puts them in his pockets. He looks at the painting with a mixture of disgust and humiliation. He picks up the hammer and starts beating on the canvas as lights fade.)

Week 29, Day 202 - “Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear To Treadmill”

“Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear To Treadmill”
Written by Joe Janes
8/8/09
202 of 365

CAST:
Rebecca, 30s
Tawny, 30s
Milt, 60s
Paramedic One
Paramedic Two
Verne, 60s

(Lights up on Rebecca in a health club walking slowly on a treadmill. Milt, an older gentleman, is off to the side on a recumbent stationary bike reading the paper while peddling. Rebecca looks like she could use the long-term positive effects of said treadmill. She looks bored and moves at a walking pace. Tawny, who is in much better shape and wears designer workout clothes, enters and hops on the treadmill right next to Rebecca. They give one another a quick, snotty look. Rebecca watches Tawny punch in her information and start walking at a faster clip than Rebecca. This does not sit well with Rebecca who bumps up her speed to match Tawny’s. Tawny looks out of the corner of her eye and down her nose at Rebecca. She pushes up her speed two notches. This infuriates Rebecca who has to work a little to make it up to her control panel and bumps up her pace not two notches, but four! She smiles at Tawny as she somehow manages to maintain this pace. Tawny starts punching up her pace one notch at a time and so does Rebecca until they’ve punched it up so much that all they can do is stop punching it up and run at a full speed for both of them. They’re both running at maximum and neither is going to give in to the other and stop. We can see it wearing them down on their forced smiles and flailing arms and legs. Rebecca starts to shake out her left arm, but won’t give up running. Her whole left side goes numb and she’s still trying to keep pace with Tawny. Milt takes out his cell phone and calls 911. Tawny notices and presses both her and Rebecca’s emergency stop buttons. Rebecca stops hard and collapses onto the ground. Tawny rushes over to her, but suddenly looks dizzy and collapses. Milt is keeping an eye on things but keeps peddling as he hears a siren approaching. Two paramedics rush in from opposite sides of the stage and face off against each other like gunslingers. They look at each other, look at the two women, and then back at each other. They both quickly tend to the nearest woman, One to Rebecca and Two to Tawny, racing to see who can revive their patient first. They try CPR three times each, keeping pace with one another. No success. They both race to try the defibulators. They end up both zapping Rebecca and Tawny at the same time. They do this three times. On the third try, Rebecca recovers. Tawny does not. Paramedic One helps Rebecca off while looking smugly over his shoulder at Paramedic Two. Paramedic Two packs up his stuff angrily, kicks Tawny’s dumb ol’ body and leaves. Milt, still peddling, watches the paramedic exit and then looks back over at Tawny. Verne enters and hops onto the recumbent bike next to Milt and starts peddling briskly. Milt physically and non-verbally indicates, “Fuck this” and gets off his bike. He gives Verne on old timey “up yours” gesture with his fist and elbow and storms off. Verne has no idea what that was about and creepily becomes aware of Tawny’s corpse on the floor as he continues to peddle faster. Lights fade.)

Week One, Day Four - "Czernik on the Bus"

“CZERNIK ON THE BUS”
Written by Joe Janes
(Based on a suggestion from Tim Musho)
4 of 365

CAST:
CZERNIK
MAX, THE BUS DRIVER
LITTLE GIRL
LITTLE GIRL’S MOTHER
OLD LADY
PASSENGER #1
PASSENGER #2
AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE

(Lights up on Czernik getting on the bus. He is an older, timid looking man bundled up in a parka.)

CZERNIK

Hi, Max.

MAX

Afternoon, Czernik, my man.

(Czernik moves through the crowded bus. He sees an Old Lady who has placed her bag on a seat. He looks at her and gestures, with a slightly snobby flair, for her to move her bag. She sighs and puts the bag on her lap. He wedges himself in next to her. He puts on his iPod and presses play. We hear an electronic dance version of “Tubular Bells,” the theme from the film “The Exorcist.” This is all that we hear. In the back of the bus there is a commotion that he does not see. During the scene, he is oblivious and simply sits and stares out towards the audience. Max, without ever stopping the bus, grabs the old lady and makes her take over driving while he moves to the back. He moves people away revealing a small girl being held by the arms by Passenger #1 and Passenger #2 and she is psychotically flipping out. She is pale and has blood red scars on her face and arms. Her mother is off to the side crying hysterically. The girl spits pea soup at the bus driver. As passengers restrain the girl, the bus driver goes back to his seat and removes a briefcase from under it. He goes back to the girl, opens the case on the floor and removes a Bible, a collar and a small vial of holy water. He puts on the collar and begins exorcising the demon from the little girl. Lights flash and the bus rocks back and forth. We cannot hear because of the music, but he is reading from the book, splashing the girl with water and yelling things like “The Power of Christ compels you!” over and over. The bus fills with fog and the little girl appears to levitate. The bus driver grabs her by the throat and begins to strangle and punch her. At one point, he clearly becomes possessed by the demon and throws himself out the window. The fog dissipates; the little girl is now fine and being held by her mother. Czernik has still not noticed anything. He sees his stop and pulls the signal cord. He turns off his iPod and prepares to exit the bus.)

CZERNIK (not looking at driver)

Have a nice day, Max.

OLD LADY

Adios, asshole.

(Czernik looks at her quizzically and exits. Lights fade.)