Bite and Smile with Joe Janes

satire, social commentary, sketch comedy, writing, stuff

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I've Thought About This...

Posted by Joe Janes at 6:41 AM No comments:
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50 Plays
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"silly, bizarre, violent, and provocative" "...the pieces showcase Janes's willingness to take risks of all kinds." - Chicago Reader

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365 Sketches!

365 Sketches!

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365 Sketches Around the Web

Check out the french translation of sketch 67 "The End of the World", sketch 36 "Zombie Space Aliens" and sketch 68 "The Machine Also Rises" at la-fin-du-monde.

Audio versions of sketch 108 "Brace Beer," sketch 106 "Wishful Thinking," and sketch 59 "Recollections of a Country Life" can be heard on this episode of the podcast Playing in Peoria.

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Salvador Janes

Salvador Janes
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Joe Janes
Joe is a writer, director and actor in Chicago. He teaches at The Second City Training Center and at Columbia College. He is also a senior writer/director at Fig Media, Inc.
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Joe's Writing Samples for the Stage

  • all material is copyrighted and may not be used without permission
  • Bible Action Figures (audio file - commercial parody)
  • Cheddar Moon (10 Minute Play)
  • Guardian Throat (Dada poetry)
  • Ire Kuche (Dada poetry)
  • Man Juice for Men (audio file - commercial parody)
  • Misconception (sketch)
  • The Last Night (Dada poetry)
  • The Legend of Pecos Bill (10 minute play)
  • The Semi-Hard Truth about Viagra (sketch)
  • Weber, Rooney & York (10 minute play)

Don Hall and Joe Janes as Rhino and Benny

Don Hall and Joe Janes as Rhino and Benny
...in kinescope!

Some On-Camera Work

  • "Walk It Off" - The Breeders Music Video

Bite Club

Unbelievable?

Unbelievable?
Believe It!

Fig Blog Roll

  • The Way of the Musho
    James Elkington - Late Jim’s LamentDirected by Timothy Musho - James Elkington - Late Jim’s Lament Directed by Timothy Musho
    4 years ago
  • Brushfire Perceptions
    Have A Look At These Wonderful Recommendations On Dental Treatments Inside The Article Below - Do you need to read more about proper hygiene habits? Do you have looked at the numerous whitening products available for purchase today? Not all the tee...
    4 years ago
  • 27 Years as a Redhead...
    Video -
    11 years ago
  • DJ Erik (Hard Rock & Heavy Soul)
    Wine tasting at Binnys! - Wine tasting at Binnys!
    13 years ago
  • fig blog
    -
  • Take Up Real
    -
  • be still - blog of billy rood
    -

Robot vs Dinosaur Blog Roll

  • Mike in the Shot
    EXCLUSIVE Photo of Paul Ryan in His New DC-Area Home -
    5 years ago
  • Robot vs. Dinosaur - Chicago
    Press Photos for Attack at Bikini Werewolf Beach: Part 2 - Below are the press photos for the show and a demo of one of our original songs, *My Bikini Beach Werewolf.* Our heroine Sandy (Hailey Fyfe) wards off an ...
    10 years ago
  • Clever Title
    2013 Chicago Sketchfest - First Week OVAH - Happy New Year, folks! The beginning of the year means one thing and one thing only to the Chicago comedy scene and that’s Chicago Sketchfest, which is goi...
    11 years ago
  • It's our time on the edge.
    What we remember. - Every so often, while in the company of Emilia, I find myself thinking, “Someday, she’s going to look back on this moment and laugh, or smile, or stare ...
    12 years ago

Theater & Writing Related Links

  • 826-Chicago
  • An Angry White Guy in Chicago (Don Hall)
  • By Ken Levine
  • Chainsaw Calligraphy (Marisa Wegrzyn)
  • Claire Zulkey
  • Devil Vet (Bob Fisher)
  • Hey Dullblog
  • Hey there, Butterscotch (Garin Jones)
  • I Thought I'd Be Famous By Now (Michael Brownlee)
  • Jane Espenson
  • Jay Raskolnikov
  • Murky Cloud Butter (Andrew Thorp)
  • No Mistakes (Dave Stinton)
  • Outside Looking In
  • Overheard Lines
  • Scott Barsotti: Playwright...n'at
  • The Theater Loop (Chris Jones)
  • The Time Out Chicago
  • Theatreforte
  • Welcome to Ali-Land
  • WildClaw's Blood Radio
  • Writing with Nancy

"Soireé Dada: Blinde Esel Hopse"

All Treatment

Addiction Treatment Centers

Nice Places to Visit

  • Areas of My Expertise (John Hodgman)
  • Big Mouth Indeed Strikes Again (Amy Guth)
  • Chicagoland Bicycle Federation
  • Columbia College
  • Comics, Old Time Radio and Other Cool Stuff
  • Dante's Inferno
  • Empowered Actor
  • Erica Reid
  • Fed Up: Are You Filled Up Or Fed Up?
  • Fig Media
  • Five O' Clock Rock (Jason Meyer)
  • Gaper's Block
  • Jellyvision
  • Joshua Janes - Illustrator
  • Larsenopolis (Matt Larsen)
  • Life is Wasted on the Living
  • Living Cruelty Free
  • L’impro, c’est la vie…
  • Mac n Cheese Dinner Parties (which rock, by the way)
  • Marc Smith - Founder of The Poetry Slam
  • Marquisdejolie On Video
  • Michael Moore
  • Middle Eastern European
  • Mike Gerber
  • My First Dictionary
  • Ocelopotamus (Dave Awl)
  • Paper Girl (Mary Fons)
  • Pop Arf - Art of Nathan Janes
  • Post Punk Kitchen
  • Punk Rock Poetry Playwriting Writergirl Ramblings
  • Sedadada
  • Silent Film Society
  • The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks
  • The Comique (Jen Ellison)
  • The Improvised Shakespeare Company
  • The Mad Cowboy
  • The Neo-Futurists
  • The Onion
  • The Second City
  • The Yes Men
  • Thea Lux
  • WBEZ - Chicago Public Radio
  • Whedonesque
  • WNEP Theater


"45 Minutes Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes"
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  • 'How To Write A Comedy Sketch"
  • 'The Customer Is Always Right"
  • " 365 Sketches
  • "365 Sketches"
  • "77"
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  • "A Civil War"
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  • "A Ghost's Story"
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  • "Farewell To Monster Island"
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  • "Funk and Wagnall"
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  • "Give A Little"
  • "God Hates Fags"
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  • "Grand Opening"
  • "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"
  • "Gravy Boat"
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  • "Gronk Goes Bonk"
  • "Grosseries"
  • “Gunther Landor’s House o’ Healing”
  • “Had This Been An Actual Emergency”
  • "Happy Alzheimer's". "365 Sketches"
  • "Happy Ending"
  • "Health Nut"
  • "Held Up"
  • "Hemlock"
  • "Hi-Def"
  • "Hippy Bathday"
  • "Hotel Room"
  • "How Bads The Coffee"
  • "How Sweet"
  • "How To Have Sex With A Woman"
  • "I Believe"
  • "I Do... Hold On"
  • "I Hate Cleaning"
  • “I Like You Better When Youre Nude”
  • "I Love 2 Boogie"
  • "I Need Lunch"
  • "I'll Be Home For Christmas"
  • "Icicles of Evil"
  • "If I Were You"
  • "iMiranda"
  • "Interest Due"
  • "It's For The Best"
  • "Jens Mom Nancy"
  • "Jerk Sandwich"
  • "Jock Itch"
  • "John Irvingness"
  • "Just In Case"
  • "Kat Jitsu"
  • “Kenny Spicerman Tells You How To Rule Your World”
  • "Kick The Can"
  • "Kidz Newz"
  • "Laid On"
  • "Lake Rood"
  • "Langley and Pratt"
  • "Late"
  • "Life's Too Short - Hey
  • "Lighthouse Hill"
  • "Like A Baby"
  • "Listening"
  • "Listless"
  • "Little Drummer Boy"
  • "Looking Great"
  • "LOUD SUNSHINE"
  • "Love Birds And Cat Thieves"
  • "Macbeth"
  • "Made in China
  • "Mandingo Rex"
  • "Matt Needs Your Help"
  • "Meat Substitute"
  • "Medusa"
  • "Mercenary Air"
  • "Mercury Poisoning"
  • "Mr. Jones"
  • "Mr. Mysterium"
  • "Much To Do"
  • "My Fathers Beret"
  • "Neighbors"
  • “Never Been Ruffied”
  • "New Blood"
  • "New York
  • "Nighthawks"
  • "No Thanks"
  • "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven"
  • "NPR
  • "OBGYN-Detroit"
  • "Oblique Oblige"
  • "Off The Grid"
  • "Officer Arsenty"
  • "On A Stick"
  • "On Fire"
  • "Once Upon A Time in the Church Basement"
  • "One Night"
  • "Open Casket"
  • "Our Man In Accouunting"
  • "Pawn Broken"
  • "Pay It Sideways"
  • “People Let Me Tell Ya”
  • “People Who Live In Candy Houses Shouldn’t Throw Vegetables”
  • "Pepper"
  • "Phantom Booger"
  • "Phillip the Friendly Dinosaur"
  • "Pigeon"
  • "Pinocchio"
  • "Pitch Bleak"
  • "Polka Dots and Moonbeams"
  • "Popsicle Stick"
  • "Problem Solved"
  • "Procrastination"
  • "Prom Night"
  • "Public Hair"
  • "Pullover"
  • "Pushing the Envelope"
  • "Puzzle Night
  • "Queen of Bee"
  • "Racist In A Box"
  • "Rate of Decay"
  • "Recollections of a Country Life"
  • "Red
  • "Retard"
  • "Rock
  • "Rock and Roll Trouble"
  • "Romeo Pizza"
  • "Room in New York"
  • "Runaway"
  • "Sea Watchers"
  • "Seance"
  • "Searching for Joss Whedon"
  • "Self-Storage"
  • "Settling Down"
  • "Seuss Club"
  • “Shows You Would Never See If You Didn’t Know Someone In The Cast”
  • "Simplifying"
  • "Single Slices"
  • "Single White Friendstar"
  • “Slow Down Life’s Too Short Stop Smell The Roses Get While The Getting’s Good Bar and Grill”
  • "Slow Walk With Limp In Echo"
  • "Smile"
  • "Smooth Sailing"
  • "So Help Me God"
  • "Social Issues I and II"
  • "Something Rotten"
  • "Something To Believe In"
  • "Something's Different"
  • "Spuhllujah"
  • "St. Drunken's Day"
  • "Staying Up Late"
  • "Stella on Tuesdays"
  • "Still Life"
  • "Stop SHOUTING"
  • "Stretch Limousine"
  • "Stripperer"
  • "Summer Evening"
  • "Sunburn"
  • "Swimming for Non Swimmers"
  • "Teach A Man To Fish"
  • "Termination"
  • "That's Just Jay"
  • "The (edward) Hopper Project"
  • "The (edward) Hopper Project". Edward Hopper
  • "The Amazing Maxwells"
  • "The Awakening"
  • "The C-E-Yo's (a rap song)"
  • "The Carpet Cave"
  • "The Case of the Speckled Bullet"
  • "The Constant Present"
  • “The Day The Earth Stood By Waiting
  • "The Deaf of Theater"
  • "The Death of Me"
  • "The Ding Dong Song"
  • “The Eighth Wonder of the World”
  • "The End of the World"
  • “The Film of My Love”
  • "The First Tea Partiers"
  • "The Five Dollar Mystery"
  • "The Food Chain"
  • "The Go In Go-For-It"
  • "The Good Soul of Szechuan"
  • "The Hippening"
  • "The HItchhiker"
  • “The International Comedy Writing Institute of America”. 365 Sketches
  • "The Last Unicorn"
  • "The Last Word"
  • "The Library"
  • "The Life and strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe"
  • "The Machine Also Rises"
  • "THE SEMI-HARD TRUTH ABOUT VIAGRA: AN AFTER WORK SPECIAL"
  • "The Spy Who Dated Me"
  • "The Third One"
  • "The Thought That Counts"
  • “The Tip
  • "The Twittysburg Address"
  • “The Unicorn and The Vengeance”
  • "The Weeping Llama"
  • "The Wretched Refuse"
  • "Thief" or "Sharked Jumped"
  • “Things I Put In My Mouth”
  • "This Is My Art"
  • "This Will Be Our Year"
  • "Those Who Cant". 365 Sketches
  • "Thoughts Of A Dying Atheist"
  • "Three Bags Full"
  • "Three Wishes"
  • "Throwing Chonos"
  • "Time Beavers"
  • "Tit for Tat"
  • "To The Impossible"
  • "To Wake
  • "Tracer"
  • "Truckin"
  • "Turkey Fingers"
  • "Turkey In The Straw"
  • "Twi-Lite"
  • "Two On The Aisle"
  • "Typewriter Repair"
  • "Untucked"
  • "UPS Sucks"
  • "Violets in Garlic Sauce"
  • "Walter Goldstein
  • "War Is Hard Work"
  • "Warts and All"
  • "WASP-18"
  • "We Reach With Radio
  • "Weenus"
  • "Weepy"
  • “What America Runs On”
  • “What If They Held A Peace Rally And Nobody Came?"
  • "What Price Gory?"
  • "Where There's Smoke There's Smoke"
  • "While On My Way To Hell"
  • "White Chocolate"
  • "Who's Afraid of Virginia
  • “Why I Hate French Cinema
  • "Wide With Pride"
  • "Wild Is The Wind"
  • "Window Shopper"
  • "Winning The Lottery"
  • "Wishful Thinking"
  • "With or Without"
  • "Works Better On Children"
  • “You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart”
  • "You Know - Like The End of the World"
  • "Your New Improv Coach"
  • “Zombie Pizza Party”
  • "Zombie Space Aliens"
  • 101 Strings
  • 1930s
  • 1940s
  • 1950s
  • 1950s sci-fi
  • 1980s
  • 2010
  • 3 women
  • 300
  • 365 List of Scenes
  • 365 Show Schedule at Strawdog
  • 365 sketches
  • 365 Video Contest Entry
  • 4 person scene
  • 50 Plays
  • 50th birthday
  • 711
  • 826
  • 911
  • A Balloon"
  • A Christmas Story
  • abortion
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • absurd
  • Abu Ghraib
  • acting
  • acting majors
  • actors
  • addressing the audience
  • adlibs
  • adventure parody
  • After School Special
  • afterlife
  • Again"
  • air travel
  • alien invasion
  • alimony
  • alzheimer's
  • Amanda Rountree
  • Amazon
  • American revolution. Tea Party
  • american sign language
  • Andrew Ettenhofer
  • Andrew Lloyd Webber
  • Andrew Mason
  • angel
  • Angry Hip-Hop Poet”
  • anniversaries
  • Anthenaeum
  • antique typewriters
  • Antiques Roadshow
  • apartments
  • apology
  • apples
  • army
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  • arrest
  • art installations
  • artists
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  • ass bags
  • assassination
  • astronauts
  • astronomy
  • Auditions
  • Axe Cop
  • Azhar Usman
  • Aztec
  • Babe Winkelman
  • babies
  • bachelor party
  • bacon
  • banks
  • bar
  • Barack Obama
  • Barbra Streisand
  • Barney
  • baseball
  • basketball
  • beach
  • beanbag chair
  • bear
  • beavers
  • beef jerky
  • beekeeping
  • beer
  • Before Bed"
  • Ben Harpe
  • beret
  • best friend
  • Big Brother
  • Bina Martin
  • biographical
  • birth control
  • birthday
  • birthdays
  • Black Eyed Peas
  • black holes
  • Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears
  • black light
  • black market
  • blackout
  • Blade Runner
  • blind date
  • blindfold
  • Blockbuster
  • blogging
  • Bob Dylan
  • bodies
  • Bon Jovi
  • bonnet
  • bonuses
  • book clubs
  • book signing
  • Borders
  • bouncer
  • bowling
  • bowling team
  • Brea Hayes
  • breaking fourth wall
  • breastfeeding
  • Brian Dennehy
  • brian posen
  • Broadway
  • Brooke Johnson
  • brothers
  • bunnies
  • Bunning
  • Bush tax cuts
  • business
  • Buzz Aldrin
  • cab driver
  • cable
  • caffeine
  • camp
  • camp counselor
  • camping
  • cancer
  • cannibalism
  • caricature
  • Carl Kasell
  • CarMax
  • carpeting
  • carrots
  • Cassie Ahiers
  • cast scene
  • catering
  • Catholic
  • cats
  • cavemen
  • center and eccentrics
  • CEOs
  • characters
  • Chekhov
  • chess
  • Chicago
  • Chicago Dramatists
  • Chicago Sketchfest 2010
  • Chicago Sketchfest 2011
  • chickens
  • children's shows
  • Chris Novoa
  • Chris Othic
  • Christianity
  • Christmas
  • Christopher Guest
  • Christopher Piatt
  • Chrysler
  • Chuck Berry
  • church
  • CIA
  • Cinco de Mayo
  • circus act
  • Civil War
  • civilization
  • clash of context
  • class
  • Clifton Frei
  • co-workers
  • cocaine
  • coffee beans
  • coffee shop
  • Cokie Roberts
  • college
  • colors
  • comedy teams
  • comedy writing
  • comic books
  • comic monologue
  • commentary
  • commentary. I Believes
  • commercial airlines
  • commercial parody
  • commercials
  • community theater
  • commute
  • computers
  • concession stands
  • construction
  • couples
  • courtroom
  • cows
  • Creation Museum
  • creativity
  • credit cards
  • crime
  • crime scene
  • current events
  • custody
  • customer service
  • cyborg
  • dada
  • dads
  • dairy industry
  • dancing
  • Dane Cook
  • Danni Parpan
  • date
  • date rape
  • Dates with Ever
  • dating
  • David Rocco Facchini
  • Dawn Renee Jones
  • de MAAT
  • Dead Like Me
  • Deanna Moffitt
  • death
  • deconstruction scene
  • dee-jaying
  • Dennis Frymire
  • dentist
  • Derek Van Tassel
  • detective
  • detective show
  • detention
  • Detroit
  • devil
  • Dexter
  • dibs
  • diets
  • Dina Marie Klahn. regan davis
  • diner
  • dinosaurs
  • directing
  • disasters
  • Disney
  • divorce
  • Dockers
  • Dog and Butterfly
  • Don Hall
  • Don’t Shout It Out Loud”
  • Donald Trump
  • dont ask dont tell
  • dorm life
  • double entendres
  • douchebags
  • downsizing
  • Dr. Watson
  • Dracula
  • dressing room
  • drive-by shooting
  • driving
  • drug abuse
  • drug testing
  • drunk driving
  • drunk test
  • dry cleaning
  • Easter
  • Easter Bunny
  • Easter eggs
  • economy
  • Eddie's Sketchbook
  • educational
  • Edward Hopper
  • elderly
  • elephant paper
  • Elvis Presely
  • Emily Darlington Cooke
  • Emma Caulfield
  • Emma Peterson
  • encyclopedia
  • engagement ring
  • ensemble
  • entertainment news
  • entourage
  • Eric Roth
  • Erin O'Shea
  • Erin Orr
  • Ernst Shackleton
  • Even Neil"
  • evite
  • expedition
  • extended blackout
  • Facebook
  • factory farms
  • fairy tale
  • faith
  • family
  • family business
  • farmers
  • farmers market
  • farming
  • farting
  • fashion
  • fast food
  • father and daughter
  • father and son
  • Febreze
  • Fight Club
  • film noir
  • film-making
  • finances
  • firing squad
  • fish out of water
  • flight
  • flowers
  • foie gras
  • Fords Theater
  • foreclosures
  • foreign language
  • fourth of July
  • Frank Sinatra
  • french cinema
  • French Revolution
  • Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
  • Friday's
  • Friendship
  • Friendster
  • fringe theater
  • front porch
  • Fruit Roll-Ups
  • full cast
  • funeral
  • future
  • Gandhi
  • gangsters
  • gay
  • gays in military
  • gender roles
  • genie
  • genre parody
  • genre parody. pharmaceutical industry
  • George Lyons
  • geriatric
  • Gerry Rafferty
  • Gettysburg Address
  • Ghandi
  • ghosts
  • gift giving
  • giraffes
  • God
  • Goodman Theater
  • Google
  • gorgons
  • government
  • grandchildren
  • grandparents
  • Greenpeace
  • Grenada
  • groceries
  • Groupon
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RoboWriter Assignments

  • June 14, 2008
  • May 31, 2008
  • May 17, 2008
  • May 10, 2008
  • April 5, 2008
  • March 22, 2008
  • March 15, 2008
  • March 8, 2008
  • March 1, 2008
  • February 23, 2008
  • February 4, 2008
  • December 13, 2007
  • December 6, 2007
  • November 29, 2007
  • November 15, 2007
  • November 8, 2007
  • November 1, 2007
  • October 18, 2007
  • October 11, 2007
  • October 4, 2007
  • September 27, 2007
  • September 20, 2007
  • September 13, 2007
  • September 6, 2007
  • August 30, 2007
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  • July 26, 2007
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  • June 28, 2007
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  • May 31, 2007
  • May 24, 2007
  • May 17, 2007
  • May 10, 2007

"45 Minutes Locked in a Room with Don Hall and Joe Janes"

Bite and Smile - Best of 2009

  • Holy Name Cathedral
  • I'm So Old...
  • Shoe Carnival?

Best of Bite and Smile 2008

  • A Political Runner
  • An Open Letter to Germany, France and England
  • Auditioning for Improvisation
  • Butch McCain and The Only-Six-Months-Of-Sun Dance Kid
  • Five Years Ago
  • Fried Bullets
  • From Russia With Loathe
  • HolyCrapWe'reF**KED!
  • Hope-y New Year
  • I Believe - 7/9/2008
  • I Believe George W. Bush Should Be Impeached
  • I'm One!
  • If You Don't Have Anything To Say, Shut The F@CK Up
  • It's a Baby! Run!
  • Kick It, Yo!
  • Kiss It!
  • Listen to Your Scene
  • McCain and O'Bama
  • My Gods
  • Not as Good or Bad as You Think
  • One Message. Loud and Clear.
  • See Less Evil or From "C" to Shining "C"
  • So, That's What A Community Organizer Does!
  • Special Announcement from Our Candidates
  • The Actor's Role
  • The Make-A-Death-Wish Foundation
  • The Value of Theater - Us vs Us
  • There's Something Happening Hair
  • What A Country!
  • What I Don't Want in 2009
  • What's Wrong with Lipstick on a Pig?
  • Won't I Won't Miss
  • You Say Tomato, I Say Red Knob of Death

Best of Bite and Smile 2007

  • ...And We Get the Shaft
  • 10 Things You Should Really Please Stop Doing In Your Sketch Revue - NOW!!!
  • 50 Simple Things You Can Do To Bring daDa Into Your Life
  • Advice to the Newbie
  • Always Leave 'em Laughing
  • An Important Message for Today's Youth
  • Begging for Change
  • Buff My Helmet
  • Dear Mr. President
  • Dumb Vegans
  • Effingham, Baby
  • Hey, Nice Labia!
  • It's Really Okay With Me If You Don't Write
  • Just A Friendly Reminder, Mr. President
  • Just for a Day
  • Karl Rove's Memoirs - First Draft
  • Karl's Roving Brain
  • Million Dollar Maybe
  • Not What, But How
  • One from the Vonnegut
  • Putting Together a Running Order
  • Rants
  • RoboWriters FAQ
  • Salary Disputed
  • Sgt. Pepper's Sketch Revue
  • Shakespeare Improvis-ed
  • She Loves You - Yah, Yeah, Ya!
  • Shouting "Fire!" in a Movie House
  • Show & Don't Tell
  • Standing Up
  • That's Enternewsment!
  • The Danger of Experience
  • The Legacy of King George
  • They're Digging in the Wrong Place!
  • Think Before You Bink
  • We're Not Quiters!
  • What I Learned from Del Close
  • What I Learned from Martin de Maat
  • World War Three-peat!
  • Ye Olde People

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