Written by Joe Janes
6/15/09
148 of 365
CAST:
Eric, 40s
Vandemeer, 40s
(Lights up on Eric standing alone in a parking garage. He hears a car in the distance. He hears a car door. He hears distant footsteps. He hears someone clearing their throat.)
ERIC
Is someone there? (He hears stronger throat clearing and then Vandemeer walks out of the shadows in a trench coat and fedora, sucking on a milkshake.)
VANDEMEER
Yeah, kid. Sorry. Feeling a little phlegmy. Gotta cut down on these milkshakes.ERIC
Did you find Melissa, Mr. Vandemeer?VANDEMEER
Maybe.ERIC
What do you mean “maybe”?VANDEMEER
I mean maybe when I say maybe. I’ll walk if you don’t like how I do business, Eric.ERIC
I’m sorry. It’s just, three in the morning in this parking garage. I feel like I’m doing something against the law.VANDEMEER
Are you?ERIC
I don’t think so. Are you?VANDEMEER
You want the information or not?ERIC
Yes, of course, I do. I just didn’t expect all this cloak and dagger stuff.VANDEMEER
You try to find somebody who maybe don’t want to be found, you get the cloak and dagger stuff. Comes with the territory. Plus, these are my regular office hours. I get this space for free at night. ERIC
Melissa doesn’t want to be found?VANDEMEER
Look, kid. Let me give you some advice. You’re trying to find a girl you had a thing with a long, long time ago.ERIC
I just want to see if she’s okay.VANDEMEER
All right, then. She’s okay. We’re done here.ERIC
Well, you have to tell me more than that. I paid you two thousand dollars to find her for me. How do I know you’re not just ripping me off? VANDEMEER
She lives in Toledo with her third husband, Carl Busby. ERIC
Melissa Busby?VANDEMEER
Her kids are all in college or vocational school. She makes money as a nurse-for-hire. Eats more yogurt than any woman should. She likes the ponies.ERIC
She’s always liked ponies.VANDEMEER
Now she bets on them. ERIC
I want to see her. VANDEMEER
Here’s her number.(He hands him a slip of paper.)
ERIC
Finally, a phone number.VANDEMEER
Look, kid. Do yourself a favor. Throw that slip of paper away. ERIC
I haven’t seen her in twenty years.VANDEMEER
Exactly why you should file it in the trash bin. Things will never be the way they were with her. She was your sweetheart a long time ago. She’s changed. You’ve changed. You can’t reheat that hormone casserole. ERIC
I don’t expect to. She was important to me. I wouldn’t be who I am now if she hadn’t pushed me in the right direction. I owe her. I want to thank her.VANDEMEER
That’s what you say to help you get to sleep at night. But I know and you know you hope there’s a spark there that hasn’t gone out. Maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t. If it has, you’ll be broken hearted all over again. If it hasn’t, you’ll ruin her life and hate yourself for it. Leave it alone. Walk away. She’s doing okay. That’s all you wanted to know, that’s all you need to know. Am I getting through that bone beret you’re wearing?ERIC
Yeah. I hear you. Thanks, Mr. Vandemeer. VANDEMEER
If you want your two grand back –ERIC
No, no. You did your job. VANDEMEER
Good. I already spent it. I have some car wash coupons I could give you, though. ERIC
That’s okay. I think I’ve got my money’s worth.VANDEMEER
Throw that slip of pulp and ink in the can.ERIC
I will.VANDEMEER
If you like the job I did, tell your friends. Word of mouth is the best form of advertising. And the only one I can afford.(Vandemeer nods, sips on his milkshake, and retreats into the shadows. Eric looks at the number, crumples it up. Think better of it and uncrumples it. He dials. We hear him dial and we hear the phone ring and pick up.)
VANDEMEER (VO)
Thank you for calling Vandemeer Car Wash and Detective Agency, if you’d like to leave a message-(Eric hangs up.)
ERIC
Fuck!(Blackout)
