Week 43, Day 295 - "Teach A Man To Fish"

“Teach A Man To Fish”

Written by Joe Janes

11/9/09

295 of 365

CAST:

Jolene, 12

Grandpa, 70s

Game Warden Ned, 30s

(Lights up on Grandpa fishing along a stocked lake. Jolene walks up and sits next to him.)

JOLEEN

Thanks for taking the time to teach me to fish, Grandpa.

GRANDPA

Like I always say, “Give a man a fish and eats for the day, teach a man to fish and eats whenever he wants fish.”

JOLEEN

I’m so excited.

GRANDPA

Where’s your pole?

JOLEEN

Pole? I don’t have a pole.

GRANDPA

Can’t fish without a pole. You need to go buy one. Nice rod and reel like mine, plus bait and tackle, probably run you around a hundred bucks.

JOLEEN

But I don’t have any money.

GRANDPA

That’s too bad. Then I guess you don’t get to fish. Darn shame, I was looking forward to spending some quality time with my grand daughter.

JOLEEN

Me, too.

GRANDPA

You can watch while I fish.

JOLEEN

And I can help you eat the fish you catch.

GRANDPA

Well, that hardly seems fair. I do all the work and you get to eat the fish. Man needs to learn to get and eat his own fish. You could get a job. Get a job, make some money, buy yourself a rod and reel.

JOLEEN

I’m only twelve.

GRANDPA

I’m only twelve. Sounds like lazy talk to me.

JOLEEN

Could you give me the money to buy what I need?

GRANDPA

That hardly seems to fit the lesson I’m trying to pass on to you, Jolene. But I could loan you the money.

JOLEEN

That would be great.

GRANDPA (taking out wallet)

Here you go. Now, you pay me back within the next month and I won’t charge you interest. After that, the rate goes up to 10%. Think you can handle that?

JOLEEN

Sure. You’re teaching me to fish. I’ll figure something out.

GRANDPA

Good girl. Now, just so happens I have a rod and reel right here. You can take it off my hands for a hundred-fifty.

JOLEEN

But I only have a hundred.

GRANDPA

Hmmmm… That’s a toughie. Tell you what, I’ll make it 125 because you’re family, we’ll increase your line of credit on your loan and it starts accruing interest immediately.

JOLEEN

I don’t know…

GRANDPA

You want to exercise your right to fish, don’t you?

JOLEEN

I want to fish so badly.

GRANDPA

Well, okay, then. It’s a done deal. You aren’t going to be happy until you learn to fish and it breaks my heart to see you unhappy.

JOLEEN

Me, too. Let’s do it.

GRANDPA

Here you go. (He hands her a rod and reel and small tackle box.) Just watch what I do. You’ll pick up on it.

(She watches him and imitates him baiting his hook and gently casting into the water. She catches a fish. Grandpa talks her through bringing it in.)

GRANDPA

There you go. Now, reel it in, gently. Tug just a little bit. Reel it in…reel it in. (She stands up showing off the fish she hooked.)

JOLEEN

Look at me, Grandpa. I can fish!

(Game Warden Ned walks up.)

GAME WARDEN NED

Excuse me, little girl. Do you have a fishing license?

JOLEEN

A what?

GRANDPA

You need a license to fish, honey. It’s mandatory.

JOLEEN

I didn’t know.

(Game Warden Ned takes the fish, unhooks it, and throws it back into the lake.)

GAME WARDEN NED

I’m afraid I’ll have to take you back to the station and fine you $500. Let’s go.

(He grabs her arm and takes her off.)

JOLEEN

I don’t have the five hundred dollars. Bye, Grandpa.

GRANDPA

Bye, Jolene. Don’t forget that money you owe me. (Pause) Sweet girl. Too bad she’s such a parasite on society.

(He feels a tug on his line. Blackout.)

Week 31, Day 212 - "What Price Gory?"

“What Price Gory?’
Written by Joe Janes
8/18/09
212 of 365

Cast:
Glenda, 40s
Garrett, 40s
Dr. Patel, 40s
Derek, 30s

(Lights up on Garrett and Glenda, a middle-aged couple, holding hands in a hospital room, looking concerned. Derek lays in a hospital bed asleep. Dr. Patel enters.)

DR. PATEL

Well, Garrett, we have the test results. You are a perfect match for your brother. We can schedule the kidney transplant for this coming weekend.

GLENDA

That is great news.

GARRETT

I’m so glad my baby brother doesn’t have to worry about this any more.

DR. PATEL

This is a relatively simple procedure, very common. And you’re in good health. There shouldn’t be any complications. Do you have any questions?

GARRETT

Jus one. How much?

DR. PATEL

Well, your brother’s insurance should cover most of the procedure.

GARRETT

Right, right. How much to me?

DR. PATEL

I’m not sure what you are asking.

GARRETT

Glenda here got $8,000 for giving up some of her eggs. I only have two kidneys. Giving up one of them has to bring in a good chunk of change.

DR. PATEL

Garrett, I –

GLENDA

Pretty straightforward question, Doc. What’s the going rate on a healthy kidney?

DR. PATEL (closes the hospital room door)

What you are talking about is against the law.

GARRETT

So is smoking pot, but we all do it.

DR. PATEL

I have a prescription.

GARRET

I didn’t mean you, but I think you know what I’m getting at.

DR. PATEL

Let me repeat, it is against the law to sell or otherwise receive gifts for donating an organ. We could get into a lot of trouble here.

GLENDA

Bet Derek will think otherwise.

(She shakes him.)

DR. PATEL

We should really let him rest.

GLENDA

Derek! Derek! Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

DEREK

Hunh…Whuh? Um. Oh. Hi, Doc. What’s the good news?

GLENDA

The good news is that your big brother is a perfect match for a kidney for you, Derek.

DEREK

Oh… What does he want?

DR. PATEL

Derek, as I was telling Glenda and Garrett, paying for a kidney is against the law.

DEREK

Oh, I know. I know. And I know my brother. What does he want?

DR. PATEL

I have to put my foot down on this. This is unethical. You’re saving his life.

GARRETT

Which ought to be worth something, don’t you think? Keeps him kicking around another 40-50 years.

DR. PATEL

Any payment is not going to come from the hospital or from the insurance company. You understand that, don’t you?

GARRETT

Well, baby brother, what do you think? Did you still want to take that cruise to Cozy-mell this summer or are you not going to be around for it?

DR. PATEL

This is blackmail.

GARRETT

Call it what you like, I call it doing business, Doc.

DEREK

What do you want, Garrett?

GLENDA

Tell him, honey.

GARRETT

We want your house.

DEREK

My house? Where am I going to live?

GARRETT

Hey, I’m not heartless. You can have our RV. We won’t need it anymore.

DEREK

That mold-infested flea trap? You’re saving me from one coffin and putting me in another.

DR. PATEL

I refuse to listen to this. I’ll check the registry and see if there are any other potential organ donors.

DEREK

Wait. Doc. We both know I’m pretty low on the priority list. Garrett’s my only real chance. And he’s my only brother. He’s lived in that RV at the trailer park for over a decade. It don’t even run anymore. The house is my gift to you, Garrett. Not for the kidney, but because you are my brother and you’re too stupid to ever have a chance to live in a proper house on your own.

GARRETT

Now, you’re talking. Let’s do this thing, Doc.

DR. PATEL

Okay, then. The surgery is in two days. Don’t eat anything tomorrow. Be here Saturday morning at 6am. Any questions?

GARRETT

Need anything else?

GLENDA

I’ve got eggs!

(Blackout)

Week 21, Day 143 - “Extraction Number Two”

“Extraction Number Two”
Written by Joe Janes
6/10/09
143 of 365

CAST:
Dr. Richards, 20s
Joe, 40s

(Lights up on a dentist’s office. Dr. Richards finishes looking in Joe’s mouth.)

JOE

What’s the verdict, Dr. Richards?

DR. RICHARDS

Well, Joe. Tooth Number Two is definitely fractured. Half of the tooth is dead. We have three options. We do a root canal and put a crown on it, which will be about fifteen hundred dollars and no guarantee that it will work.

JOE

Yikes.

DR. RICHARDS

Option two is we do an extraction for about two hundred dollars.

JOE

Is option three the affordable one?

DR. RICHARDS

It is.

JOE

I’ll take that one.

(Dr. Richards pulls a hammer out of her lab coat.)

DR. RICHARDS

Meet me in the alley. Bring ten bucks.

(Blackout)