Written by Joe Janes
3/26/09
67 of 365
CAST:
Bri, 30s
Keely, 30s
(Lights up on a missile silo control room somewhere in Kansas. Bri and Keely wear dark coveralls. The reasonably attractive Keely sits at a control panel as the reasonably unattractive Bri takes down readings from wall panels on a clipboard.)
BRI
Man. You know what I haven’t done in awhile, Keely?KEELY
What’s that, Bri?BRI
Go to a movie. Go out to a movie theater, sit in air-conditioned comfort, eat a bag of popcorn, sip on an ice cold coca-cola and watch a flick on the big screen.KEELY
Guess I haven’t done that in awhile, either.BRI
We should go. After work Friday. Maybe even sneak out of the ol’ silo early. Grab some dinner at the Chicken Shack. Hit the mall and see what’s playing. Sound like a plan?KEELY
Sounds more like a date.BRI
Date? Naw. You’ve been clear on that. This is just two co-workers getting away from the drudgery of baby-sitting a nuclear missile. Relaxing. Blowing off some steam. Bitchin’ about the boss.KEELY
You’re my boss.BRI
Just barely by rank. You can bitch about me.KEELY
I do.BRI
To my face.KEELY
I do.BRI
Then it sounds like we’d have a good time.KEELY
Bri. No. I don’t go out with people I work with. Makes things weird.BRI
Keely, we both got transferred here. Neither of us knows anybody. We can’t tell anybody that we’re here babysitting a nuclear missile in their backyard. Aren’t you just the least bit lonely?KEELY
Yes, Bri. I’m lonely. But it’s just an assignment. We’ll be here a few months and then move on to something else.BRI
Right. And we’ll regret not taking the time getting to know each other better. Not now, but, you know, down the road. You’ll look back and think, “That, Bri. Cute. Comely-KEELY
I would never say “comely.”BRI
Fine. But the way I fill out my coveralls will forever be etched into your mind.KEELY
This is true.BRI
Then let’s go out on a “sort of” date.KEELY
What’s a “sort of” date?BRI
Very casual and if something happens, it happens. If not, no big deal. Still just friendly co-workers.KEELY
Nothing’s going to happen.BRI
It might.KEELY
It won’t.BRI
You never know.KEELY
I’m gay.BRI
I can deal with that.KEELY
It kind of takes dating completely off the table, don’t you think?BRI
Not necessarily. I’d go gay for you.KEELY
Doesn’t work like that.BRI
You’re telling me flat out that there is absolutely no way under any circumstances that you would sleep with me?KEELY
Maybe if it were the end of the world.BRI
So there’s hope!KEELY
I said “maybe.”BRI
What if there’s a nuclear war? What if we fire off ol’ Bessie here and the whole planet’s just a post-apocalyptic wasteland? You’re telling me you wouldn’t have sex with me to carry on the human race?KEELY
I don’t want to have a kid now the way things are on this planet, what makes you think nuclear holocaust is going to sweeten the deal?BRI
Okay, then. As long as we know where we stand. But this Friday, after work, I am going to go to a crowded restaurant and eat fried chicken and then see a movie in a big room with lots of other people. Some of them inexplicably rude and loud. I’d like to not be alone when I do that.KEELY
It’s a date.(The lights turn red as a baritone pulsing buzzer-warning signal goes off. Bri and Keely look at the control panel stunned and then look at each other. Lights and sounds fade.)
