Written by Joe Janes
3/27/09
68 of 365
CAST:
John, teens
Reese, 30s
Terminator
Old man with rifle
(In the dark, we hear gunshots and a truck squealing to a halt. Lights up on John, winded. Reese is in a truck that has pulled up next to him. He swings open the passenger door.)
REESE
Come with me if you want to live.(More gunshots are heard offstage.)
JOHN
Okay.(John hops in the truck and they take off.)
JOHN (continuing)
Who are you?
REESE
My name is Reese. I’m from the future.JOHN
The future?REESE
That’s right. I was sent here to save your life. JOHN
Who sent you?REESE
You did.JOHN
But I don’t even know you.REESE
Future you sent me. JOHN
But if I’m alive in the future, then I must not die. So, I’m going to be okay.REESE
Not necessarily. They sent an assassin back in time to kill you in order to change the future.JOHN
Why not just kill me in the future?REESE
Well, you cause a lot of problems. You lead a whole rebellion against all the machines.JOHN
The machines. Toasters try to oppress us?REESE
Yeah. Okay. Let me back up. Machines take over the world. Super computers. There are a group of humans that resist. You’re our leader. JOHN
Are we winning?REESE
Not really. JOHN
Then what does it matter? Why did machines send some guy back in time to kill me?REESE
They’re just trying to be efficient. And it’s not a guy. He’s a machine, too. A terminator.JOHN
A terminator?
REESE
Yes. He won’t stop until he’s completed his mission. He’s unstoppable. JOHN
O-kay. If I’m such a great leader, why didn’t I send you back in time, like, oh, YESTERDAY, before this unstoppable machine guy started taking shots at me?REESE
Uh – I don’t know. That probably would have been a good idea. You should have thought of that.JOHN
And why now? Why not before I was born? Kill my mother or something.REESE
They tried that. In fact, my brother is your father. JOHN
I sent some guy back in time and he binked my mother?REESE
Yeah. You were pissed, but also not pissed, because of he hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been born. Hey, I’m your uncle! How about that? Do you have any orders for me?JOHN
Yeah, stay off my mother.REESE
I’ll try. But your mom is hot.JOHN
Stop the truck.REESE
What?JOHN
Stop the truck! That’s an order.(Reese stops the truck and John steps out. Reese does, too.)
REESE
We can’t just stop. That thing is right on our tail.JOHN
Good. He can kill me. The future sucks. Future me is an idiot. My mom’s a slut.(An armed terminator, classic Arnold in leather jacket and sunglasses, enters.)
TERMINATOR
Are you John Connor?JOHN
Yes. Shoot me already.TERMINATOR
Come with me, if you want to live.REESE
Too late, metal head. I’m already here saving his ass.JOHN
Who sent you here to save me?TERMINATOR
You did. About a week after you sent this man.JOHN
Why did I do that?TERMINATOR
He sleeps with your mom. It pisses you off. JOHN
Don’t they have any poontang in the future?REESE
We do, but, man, if a guy gets a chance to nail John Connor’s mom…that’s like laying history. It’s patriotic.TERMINATOR
I agree. I plan on nailing her myself. JOHN
But you’re a machine.TERMINATOR
Yah. A sex machine. Would you put in a good word with your mom?JOHN
If you’re here to save me, then who was shooting at me?(Old Man with gun enters.)
OLD MAN
I was.(Old Man points a rifle at John. Both Terminator and Reese fill him with bullets. Old Man drops the gun and stumbles into John’s arms. )
JOHN
You’re not a machine. Who are you?OLD MAN
I’m you in the future.JOHN
Why did you try to kill me?OLD MAN
Tired…of…all…the bullshit. I used to be a lone orphan. I’ve sent so many people back in time; I now have eight brothers and some weird cyborg vacuum cleaner thing thanks to this jerk.JOHN
Why not just kill yourself in the future?OLD MAN
Oh. Damn. I didn’t think of that.(He dies. Blackout.)
