Written by Joe Janes
68 of 365
Old man with rifle
(In the dark, we hear gunshots and a truck squealing to a halt. Lights up on John, winded. Reese is in a truck that has pulled up next to him. He swings open the passenger door.)
REESECome with me if you want to live.
(More gunshots are heard offstage.)
(John hops in the truck and they take off.)
Who are you?
REESEMy name is Reese. I’m from the future.
REESEThat’s right. I was sent here to save your life.
JOHNWho sent you?
JOHNBut I don’t even know you.
REESEFuture you sent me.
JOHNBut if I’m alive in the future, then I must not die. So, I’m going to be okay.
REESENot necessarily. They sent an assassin back in time to kill you in order to change the future.
JOHNWhy not just kill me in the future?
REESEWell, you cause a lot of problems. You lead a whole rebellion against all the machines.
JOHNThe machines. Toasters try to oppress us?
REESEYeah. Okay. Let me back up. Machines take over the world. Super computers. There are a group of humans that resist. You’re our leader.
JOHNAre we winning?
JOHNThen what does it matter? Why did machines send some guy back in time to kill me?
REESEThey’re just trying to be efficient. And it’s not a guy. He’s a machine, too. A terminator.
REESEYes. He won’t stop until he’s completed his mission. He’s unstoppable.
JOHNO-kay. If I’m such a great leader, why didn’t I send you back in time, like, oh, YESTERDAY, before this unstoppable machine guy started taking shots at me?
REESEUh – I don’t know. That probably would have been a good idea. You should have thought of that.
JOHNAnd why now? Why not before I was born? Kill my mother or something.
REESEThey tried that. In fact, my brother is your father.
JOHNI sent some guy back in time and he binked my mother?
REESEYeah. You were pissed, but also not pissed, because of he hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been born. Hey, I’m your uncle! How about that? Do you have any orders for me?
JOHNYeah, stay off my mother.
REESEI’ll try. But your mom is hot.
JOHNStop the truck.
JOHNStop the truck! That’s an order.
(Reese stops the truck and John steps out. Reese does, too.)
REESEWe can’t just stop. That thing is right on our tail.
JOHNGood. He can kill me. The future sucks. Future me is an idiot. My mom’s a slut.
(An armed terminator, classic Arnold in leather jacket and sunglasses, enters.)
TERMINATORAre you John Connor?
JOHNYes. Shoot me already.
TERMINATORCome with me, if you want to live.
REESEToo late, metal head. I’m already here saving his ass.
JOHNWho sent you here to save me?
TERMINATORYou did. About a week after you sent this man.
JOHNWhy did I do that?
TERMINATORHe sleeps with your mom. It pisses you off.
JOHNDon’t they have any poontang in the future?
REESEWe do, but, man, if a guy gets a chance to nail John Connor’s mom…that’s like laying history. It’s patriotic.
TERMINATORI agree. I plan on nailing her myself.
JOHNBut you’re a machine.
TERMINATORYah. A sex machine. Would you put in a good word with your mom?
JOHNIf you’re here to save me, then who was shooting at me?
(Old Man with gun enters.)
OLD MANI was.
(Old Man points a rifle at John. Both Terminator and Reese fill him with bullets. Old Man drops the gun and stumbles into John’s arms. )
JOHNYou’re not a machine. Who are you?
OLD MANI’m you in the future.
JOHNWhy did you try to kill me?
OLD MANTired…of…all…the bullshit. I used to be a lone orphan. I’ve sent so many people back in time; I now have eight brothers and some weird cyborg vacuum cleaner thing thanks to this jerk.
JOHNWhy not just kill yourself in the future?
OLD MANOh. Damn. I didn’t think of that.
(He dies. Blackout.)