Written by Joe Janes
116 of 365
Mary Jo, 30s
(Lights up on a small get together at Ned and Marianne’s. Ned is setting out some refreshments. Holly and Mary Jo are chatting in the corner. Marianne enters and heads towards Ned.)
MARIANNENo sign of Denver.
NEDLook, I know he’s been through a rotten divorce, but your brother’s not the kind to just sit in the parking lot and not come in to the party.
MARIANNEYes, he is. Who else is coming?
NEDAside from Christine, I’m not really sure. I just did an e-mail blast at work. I didn’t ask for any RSVPs.
MARIANNEChristine is my ringer. I told him there’d be lots of eligible ladies here.
NEDWell, you’ve got at least two, which it two more than he’s used to dealing with. Three if you include Seth in the bathroom. It’s been over six months. It’s time for him to get back on the horse.
MARIANNEI know. He’s just so sensitive.
(The doorbell rings.)
NEDI bet that’s him, now.
(Marianne opens the door. Denver enters. He wears a sharp, striped shirt, untucked, nice jeans, black and white Chuck Taylor’s, a choker and has some gel in his hair. He carries a bottle of wine.)
MARIANNEYou look great. Look at you. Ned, come here. Look at Denver.
MARIANNEYou’ve got stuff in your hair and a thing around your neck.
DENVERIt’s not too much, is it?
MARIANNEDenver, you look very handsome. The ladies are going to be falling all over you. What’s that …? Cologne?
DENVERAxe. I’m wearing Axe.
NEDThat smells familiar.
MARIANNEAnd you brought wine. My brother brought some wine, Holly and Mary Jo.
DENVERHi. I’m Denver. (To Mary) Is Christine here, yet?
MARIANNENot yet. You are so going to love her.
NED (taking bottle)Zinfandel. Good. I didn’t have Zinfandel. I’ll put it over here by Seth’s wine coolers.
(Mary Jo and Holly whisper and giggle to one another)
MARIANNEI think they like what they see.
DENVERYou sure? I think they’re laughing at me.
MARIANNEYou have a lot to learn about women.
DENVERMy ex-wife would agree. Boy, that feels weird to say.
MARY JOYou look like someone, Denver.
HOLLYIn his own mind, maybe. A guy we work with.
(Seth enters. He is wearing the exact same outfit as Denver. Exactly.)
SETHOh, my God!
(Denver turns and sees Seth.)
MARIANNEOh, look at you two. Look at them, Ned.
(Denver is speechless)
SETHIt’s like looking in a mirror.
MARY JODid you two call each other before coming to the party?
DENVER (defensive)No. No, we didn’t. I don’t even know this man.
MARY JOI was just kidding.
SETHThis is so crazy. I’ve never had this happen before. I mean, I’ve been to a few clubs where everyone was wearing leather pants, but that was more of an unspoken dress code. Are you wearing Axe or am I just getting a second whiff of my own bad self.
DENVERMust be you.
NEDIt’s you, Denver. I thought I smelled that earlier. You two are two smelly peas in a pod.
DENVERNo, we’re not.
SETH (holding out his hand to Denver)I’m Seth. I’ll be your doppelganger for the evening.
DENVERThat’s nice. Look, I’m going to head home. I suddenly feel a very strong urge to change my clothes.
MARIANNEDon’t go, Denver. I know you. You’ll go home and just stay home. So, you’re both wearing the same outfit. It happens to people.
DENVERNot to guys.
HOLLYI think it’s adorable.
DENVERI don’t want it to be adorable. This is all new clothes. I picked them out because I thought it might make me look, you know, sexy.
SETHSexy is sexy.
(The doorbell rings.)
DENVERWe can’t spend the evening both looking like this. I’m meeting someone. One of us has to do something. Tuck in your shirt.
NEDThat’s probably Christine. I’ll get it.
SETHI’m not going to tuck in my shirt. That looks gay.
(As Ned and Marianne get the door to let Christine in, Denver tries to get Seth to distinguish his outfit. They fight over who should tuck in his shirt and button up more. It turns in to a low-key wrestling match, one that Seth is not adverse to.)
MARIANNEOh, my, you look just lovely.
CHRISTINEThanks. Sorry I’m late. I’m a little nervous to meet your brother.
MARIANNEHe’s been so cute. He’s nervous, too. Let me –
(They all turn and notice Seth and Denver wrestling with Denver trying to tuck in Seth’s shirt. They stop and look at Christine.)
DENVERHi. I’m Denver.
SETHYou shut up.
CHRISTINEYou guys look adorable.
CHRISTINEAre you guys twins or something?
DENVERNo. Tuck in your shirt!
SETHI was wearing this outfit first. You tuck in your shirt.
DENVERI can’t. I didn’t wear a belt and I have a muffin top.
(He pulls Seth’s hair.)
DENVERI’m the one trying to desperately hook up with a girl.
SETHI don’t think you’re scoring any points here.
(Seth racks Denver in the balls. Denver drops in agony.)
CHRISTINEYou poor man. (She helps Seth up.) Sorry, Marianne, but your brother has some issues he needs to work out. Let me get you some Zinfandel.
(Christine walks Seth over to the wine table.)
MARIANNEI’ll go get you some ice.
NEDI’ll go with you. I’m getting sympathy pains.
DENVERI never had anything like this happen before. This ever happen to women?
MARY JOOh, sure.
HOLLYAll the time. Happened to us once at a Single Mingle.We both wore the same red dress.
DENVERWhat did you do?
MARY JOSame thing you did.
HOLLYPunched her right in the nut sack.
(Mary Jo nods. Lights fade.)