Written by Joe Janes
5/14/09
116 of 365
CAST
Denver, 30s
Seth, 30s
Ned, 30s
Marianne, 30s
Holly, 30s
Mary Jo, 30s
(Lights up on a small get together at Ned and Marianne’s. Ned is setting out some refreshments. Holly and Mary Jo are chatting in the corner. Marianne enters and heads towards Ned.)
MARIANNE
No sign of Denver. NED
Look, I know he’s been through a rotten divorce, but your brother’s not the kind to just sit in the parking lot and not come in to the party.MARIANNE
Yes, he is. Who else is coming?NED
Aside from Christine, I’m not really sure. I just did an e-mail blast at work. I didn’t ask for any RSVPs.MARIANNE
Christine is my ringer. I told him there’d be lots of eligible ladies here.NED
Well, you’ve got at least two, which it two more than he’s used to dealing with. Three if you include Seth in the bathroom. It’s been over six months. It’s time for him to get back on the horse.MARIANNE
I know. He’s just so sensitive.(The doorbell rings.)
NED
I bet that’s him, now.(Marianne opens the door. Denver enters. He wears a sharp, striped shirt, untucked, nice jeans, black and white Chuck Taylor’s, a choker and has some gel in his hair. He carries a bottle of wine.)
MARIANNE
Denver!DENVER
Hi.MARIANNE
You look great. Look at you. Ned, come here. Look at Denver.NED
Styling, dude.MARIANNE
You’ve got stuff in your hair and a thing around your neck.DENVER
It’s not too much, is it?MARIANNE
Denver, you look very handsome. The ladies are going to be falling all over you. What’s that …? Cologne?DENVER
Axe. I’m wearing Axe.NED
That smells familiar.MARIANNE
And you brought wine. My brother brought some wine, Holly and Mary Jo.DENVER
Hi. I’m Denver. (To Mary) Is Christine here, yet?MARIANNE
Not yet. You are so going to love her.NED (taking bottle)
Zinfandel. Good. I didn’t have Zinfandel. I’ll put it over here by Seth’s wine coolers.(Mary Jo and Holly whisper and giggle to one another)
MARIANNE
I think they like what they see.DENVER
You sure? I think they’re laughing at me.MARIANNE
You have a lot to learn about women.DENVER
My ex-wife would agree. Boy, that feels weird to say.MARY JO
You look like someone, Denver.DENVER
A celebrity?HOLLY
In his own mind, maybe. A guy we work with.(Seth enters. He is wearing the exact same outfit as Denver. Exactly.)
SETH
Oh, my God!(Denver turns and sees Seth.)
MARIANNE
Oh, look at you two. Look at them, Ned.NED
Adorable.(Denver is speechless)
SETH
It’s like looking in a mirror.MARY JO
Did you two call each other before coming to the party?DENVER (defensive)
No. No, we didn’t. I don’t even know this man.MARY JO
I was just kidding.SETH
This is so crazy. I’ve never had this happen before. I mean, I’ve been to a few clubs where everyone was wearing leather pants, but that was more of an unspoken dress code. Are you wearing Axe or am I just getting a second whiff of my own bad self.DENVER
Must be you.NED
It’s you, Denver. I thought I smelled that earlier. You two are two smelly peas in a pod.DENVER
No, we’re not. SETH (holding out his hand to Denver)
I’m Seth. I’ll be your doppelganger for the evening.DENVER
That’s nice. Look, I’m going to head home. I suddenly feel a very strong urge to change my clothes. MARIANNE
Don’t go, Denver. I know you. You’ll go home and just stay home. So, you’re both wearing the same outfit. It happens to people.DENVER
Not to guys.HOLLY
I think it’s adorable.DENVER
I don’t want it to be adorable. This is all new clothes. I picked them out because I thought it might make me look, you know, sexy.SETH
It does.DENVER
To women.SETH
Sexy is sexy.(The doorbell rings.)
DENVER
We can’t spend the evening both looking like this. I’m meeting someone. One of us has to do something. Tuck in your shirt.NED
That’s probably Christine. I’ll get it.SETH
I’m not going to tuck in my shirt. That looks gay.(As Ned and Marianne get the door to let Christine in, Denver tries to get Seth to distinguish his outfit. They fight over who should tuck in his shirt and button up more. It turns in to a low-key wrestling match, one that Seth is not adverse to.)
NED
Christine!MARIANNE
Oh, my, you look just lovely.CHRISTINE
Thanks. Sorry I’m late. I’m a little nervous to meet your brother.MARIANNE
He’s been so cute. He’s nervous, too. Let me –(They all turn and notice Seth and Denver wrestling with Denver trying to tuck in Seth’s shirt. They stop and look at Christine.)
DENVER
Hi. I’m Denver.SETH
I’m Seth.DENVER
Shut up.SETH
You shut up.CHRISTINE
You guys look adorable. SETH
Thank you.CHRISTINE
Are you guys twins or something?DENVER
No. Tuck in your shirt!SETH
I was wearing this outfit first. You tuck in your shirt.DENVER
I can’t. I didn’t wear a belt and I have a muffin top.SETH
Too bad. (He pulls Seth’s hair.)
DENVER
I’m the one trying to desperately hook up with a girl.SETH
I don’t think you’re scoring any points here.(Seth racks Denver in the balls. Denver drops in agony.)
CHRISTINE
You poor man. (She helps Seth up.) Sorry, Marianne, but your brother has some issues he needs to work out. Let me get you some Zinfandel.(Christine walks Seth over to the wine table.)
MARIANNE
I’ll go get you some ice.NED
I’ll go with you. I’m getting sympathy pains.(They exit.)
DENVER
I never had anything like this happen before. This ever happen to women?MARY JO
Oh, sure.HOLLY
All the time. Happened to us once at a Single Mingle.We both wore the same red dress.DENVER
What did you do?MARY JO
Same thing you did.HOLLY
Punched her right in the nut sack.(Mary Jo nods. Lights fade.)
