Week 10, Day 70 - “WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Three”

“WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Three”
Written by Joe Janes
3/29/09
70 of 365

Cast
Joe, late teens
Nadine, mid-30s
Rob, Jr, mid-40s


(Lights up on Joe in the small control room of a tiny radio station. He is getting ready to speak on the microphone as a lush instrumental song winds down.)

JOE
That’s “Leaving On A Jet Plane” as performed by 101 Strings. I think they cheated. I only counted 98. It’s ten minutes before the hour and time for Bulletin Board. The Erie Township Volunteer Fire Department is holding their annual Christmas in July fund-raiser. Join them this Saturday for games for the kids, chicken or muskrat dinner, and candy canes… and candy canes. And how about some Hot Buttered Popcorn?

(He turns on the turntable and turns down his mic. The instrumental “Hot Buttered Popcorn” plays. Joe takes off his headphones and sits back. Nadine quickly enters and closes the door behind her. She leans against the door.)

NADINE
Don’t do it.

JOE
Do what?

NADINE
Don’t do it, Joey.

JOE
Do what, Nadine?

NADINE
Just think it over. Think it over carefully.



JOE
We’ve already picked out rings.

NADINE
Listen to me. I don’t hate it here, but I hate it here. I got married after high school. 20 years later, I’ve got an asshole husband, kids that I love but they make me feel like my feet are in cement, I work a crappy job selling radio advertising for a dime and I drink too much. Don’t you see? There are things I wanted to do.

JOE
20 years?

NADINE
I meant ten.

JOE
I love Melinda.

NADINE
She’s a doll. You’ll end up hating her guts if you don’t get out of here.

JOE
How do you know that? You can’t know that.

NADINE
I see it all around me. This town eats people’s souls. Go to college. Experience life. Del Close said he’d give you a job at Second City.

JOE
He didn’t say that. He just asked me if I wanted to get high.

NADINE
Are you going to be happy here wondering what could have happened? You can’t support a family working here. You’ll end up working at U.S Gypsum or selling real estate. You’ll be overweight and alcoholic, trying to sleep with women half your age, and in the back of your mind will be a festering rotting dream that every once in awhile gives you
a headache that wonders what would have happened. What would have happened? Could you be on Saturday Night Live, could you be making movies or on TV?

JOE

We’re picking out the rings tomorrow.

(She kisses Joe on the forehead and looks him in the eye.)

NADINE
Don’t do it.

(She exits. Joe cues up another record. Rob enters and stands quietly for a moment.)

ROB
Joe J., I meant to mention this earlier. Is that a t-shirt you’re wearing?

JOE
Oh, yeah, I saw Woody Herman play last night. He was great. I didn’t think you’d mind. It’s Woody Herman; it’s a nice t-shirt. Cost me $20, more than I’d spend on a real shirt.

ROB
Yes, well, you know we do have a dress code. We have to look professional.

JOE
Yep. You never know who might be listening.

ROB
Don’t let it happen again, Joe J.

JOE
I won’t, Rob.

(Rob gives one good affirmative nod and exits. Joe locks the door. He cues up a different record. Drags the needle across the record currently playing and starts the other one. “Dog & Butterfly” by Heart plays as the lights fade.)

Week Nine, Day 63- “WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Two”

“WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Two”
Written by Joe Janes
3/22/09
63 of 365

CAST:
Joe, late teens
Joe C., early 20’s

(Joe is sitting in the small booth of a small town radio station making notes on a clipboard. Some nondescript easy listening instrumental plays in the background. Not quite Muzak, but not far from it. Joe Chapman, a slightly overweight mans, enters with copy for some commercials. He’s wearing a loose wide tie and a shirt that’s coming untucked. Even though he’s wearing a shirt and tie, he looks frumpy.)

JOE C.

I’ve got some new copy for the tags and live spots. Can you hand me the book, Joe?

(Joe hands him the copybook, a three-ring binder above the microphone and looks over Joe C.’s shoulder.)

JOE

“Uhlman’s Department store is now open till 7pm on Fridays.” This is what you do, isn’t it, Joe?

JOE C.

What do you mean?

JOE

Write the copy for all the commercials and stuff.

JOE C.

Yep, that’s what I do.

JOE

Randy said you were only 20. That you guys went to a bar and they wouldn’t serve you.

JOE C.

Randy C. said that?

JOE J.

Randy H.

JOE C.

Oh, yeah. At the Elks Lodge. It happens. Yeah, I’m only 20.

JOE

You look older.

JOE C.

I know. That’s why I try to drink in bars. I usually get away with it. I heard you got busted the other night at Ivan’s?

JOE

Yeah, well…

JOE C.

You shouldn’t order whiskey sours. That’s a dead giveaway.

JOE

I like the fruit. It’s like you get booze and a snack.

JOE C.

Order stuff like martinis or manhattans. Or you know what usually works, a rusty nail. Only old people order rusty nails.

JOE

I’ll keep that in mind. So, is this your first job out of college?

JOE C.

I didn’t go to college. My last job was playing Mr. Beefy outside of Mr. Beefy restaurants. Passing out coupons. Ever heard of them?

JOE

No.

JOE C.

I guess they’re just in Columbus. I used to wear a cow costume and pass out coupons. I was popular.

JOE

I can see that. (Joe cues up a record on the turntable) How did you get from Mr. Beefy to this?

JOE C.

My cousin knows Rob, Jr. and recommended me. Plus, I’m cheap. They pay me crap. I’ll work here a couple of years, get some experience, then try to land a job in a bigger market, like Elmore.

JOE

That’s thinking big. (Joe C. nods) Sounds like a good plan.

JOE C.

Yeah. No way I could work here all my life. Like Mike M.

JOE

It’s just Mike.

JOE C.

What?

JOE

He’s the only Mike that works here. It’s just Mike.

JOE C.

Oh, right. Oh, the East Perry Parts spot, the carburetor sale tag is still good, just change the date on it to next Friday.

JOE

“East Perry Parts, Incorporated…East Perry Parts, Incorporated…” That’s good writing.

JOE C.

Thanks.

(He exits. Joe intros the next song.)

JOE

Good news, Vacationland. We just got Steve and Edie’s greatest hits in and here’s (doesn’t remember which song he cued up)… one of them.

(Steve and Edie’s version of “Hallelujah” plays as Joe sits looking depressed. Lights fade.)

Week Eight, Day 56 - “We Reach With Radio, Part I”

"We Reach With Radio, Part I"
By Joe Janes
3/15/09
56 out of 365

Cast
Joe, late teens
Rob, mid-40’s



(1979. Joe is sitting at the console of a small radio station in small town Ohio. He wears corduroy slacks and a new, black concert t-shirt for Woody Herman and his Thundering Herd.)

JOE
… and at Bataan Elementary they’ll be having macaroni and cheese, green beans and a fruit cocktail. Go easy on those cocktails, kids. That’s it for school lunch menus. Weather and the news coming up in ten. Right now, here’s the latest from Gerry Rafferty on WRWR, 94.5 FM, We Reach With Radio…

(Joe flips a switch and we hear Gerry Rafferty’s “Right Down the Line” begins to play. Joe takes off his headphones and cues up the next record. Rob Rider enters and closes the door behind him. He wears a gray three-piece suit and carries some record albums.)

ROB

Good morning, Joe J.

JOE (turning down the music)

Morning, Rob. How are you?

ROB

Good, good, good. Well, okay. You know, it’s no longer “We Reach With Radio.” It’s “WRWR – We’re Radio Active.”

JOE

Oh, I thought it was either one.

ROB

Nope. Just “We’re Radio Active.”

JOE

Because of the new nuclear power plant they built outside of town.

ROB

It’s clever and topical.

JOE

That it is.

(Rob looks at turntable and spins his head around to read the label.)

ROB

I was also wondering why you were playing the side of a 45 that clearly doesn’t have a tan sticky on it.

JOE

Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t paying attention. You know, this song has been getting a lot of airplay. You should consider giving it a tan sticky.

ROB

Perhaps. But remember, we only play rock and roll at night. Only adult contemporary during the day.

JOE

Right.

ROB

I brought in some new albums to put into the rotation, “Steve and Edie’s Greatest Hits”-

JOE

That’s an album?

ROB

Some Montavani and Roger Miller.

JOE

That’s… great. Let me double check something. Is it album-single-album-single? Or is it single-single-single-single-album?

ROB
It’s male vocalist single-album cut-instrumental single-album cut-female vocalist single-album cut-band single-album cut.

JOE
What should I do if I have a Steve & Edie single and their album is next in the stack? Do I play two in a row?

ROB
No, no. I think you should just skip over that album and go to the next album.

JOE
There’s also fewer instrumental singles than any other singles. I could end up playing “Hot Buttered Popcorn” two or three times in a shift.

ROB
I think that would be okay. Um… Joe J.? You wouldn’t know how this got into the adult contemporary “band single” rotation?

(Rob picks a 45 out of the bands single pile.)

JOE

What is it?

ROB

“Dog and Butterfly” by Heart. It clearly has a neon green sticky indicating rock. Heart is a rock and roll band. It does not belong here.

JOE

Have you heard the tune? It’s all acoustic guitar. Roger Miller out rocks it.

ROB

I see. Well, let’s keep it where it belongs for now. Have you seen Joe C. this morning?

JOE

Yeah.

ROB

He looks very nice today. Very professional. Shirt and tie. (Pause as he looks at Joe’s outfit.) Very well. I look forward to hearing Heart after 7pm.

(He exits. Joe turns the music back up, checks the log and organizes his commercial cartridges as “Right Down the Line” continues playing. Lights fade.)