Written by Joe Janes
63 of 365
Joe, late teens
Joe C., early 20’s
(Joe is sitting in the small booth of a small town radio station making notes on a clipboard. Some nondescript easy listening instrumental plays in the background. Not quite Muzak, but not far from it. Joe Chapman, a slightly overweight mans, enters with copy for some commercials. He’s wearing a loose wide tie and a shirt that’s coming untucked. Even though he’s wearing a shirt and tie, he looks frumpy.)
JOE C.I’ve got some new copy for the tags and live spots. Can you hand me the book, Joe?
(Joe hands him the copybook, a three-ring binder above the microphone and looks over Joe C.’s shoulder.)
JOE“Uhlman’s Department store is now open till 7pm on Fridays.” This is what you do, isn’t it, Joe?
JOE C.What do you mean?
JOEWrite the copy for all the commercials and stuff.
JOE C.Yep, that’s what I do.
JOERandy said you were only 20. That you guys went to a bar and they wouldn’t serve you.
JOE C.Randy C. said that?
JOE J.Randy H.
JOE C.Oh, yeah. At the Elks Lodge. It happens. Yeah, I’m only 20.
JOEYou look older.
JOE C.I know. That’s why I try to drink in bars. I usually get away with it. I heard you got busted the other night at Ivan’s?
JOE C.You shouldn’t order whiskey sours. That’s a dead giveaway.
JOEI like the fruit. It’s like you get booze and a snack.
JOE C.Order stuff like martinis or manhattans. Or you know what usually works, a rusty nail. Only old people order rusty nails.
JOEI’ll keep that in mind. So, is this your first job out of college?
JOE C.I didn’t go to college. My last job was playing Mr. Beefy outside of Mr. Beefy restaurants. Passing out coupons. Ever heard of them?
JOE C.I guess they’re just in Columbus. I used to wear a cow costume and pass out coupons. I was popular.
JOEI can see that. (Joe cues up a record on the turntable) How did you get from Mr. Beefy to this?
JOE C.My cousin knows Rob, Jr. and recommended me. Plus, I’m cheap. They pay me crap. I’ll work here a couple of years, get some experience, then try to land a job in a bigger market, like Elmore.
JOEThat’s thinking big. (Joe C. nods) Sounds like a good plan.
JOE C.Yeah. No way I could work here all my life. Like Mike M.
JOEIt’s just Mike.
JOEHe’s the only Mike that works here. It’s just Mike.
JOE C.Oh, right. Oh, the East Perry Parts spot, the carburetor sale tag is still good, just change the date on it to next Friday.
JOE“East Perry Parts, Incorporated…East Perry Parts, Incorporated…” That’s good writing.
(He exits. Joe intros the next song.)
JOEGood news, Vacationland. We just got Steve and Edie’s greatest hits in and here’s (doesn’t remember which song he cued up)… one of them.
(Steve and Edie’s version of “Hallelujah” plays as Joe sits looking depressed. Lights fade.)