Sunday, March 22, 2009

Week Nine, Day 63- “WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Two”

“WE REACH WITH RADIO, Part Two”
Written by Joe Janes
3/22/09
63 of 365

CAST:
Joe, late teens
Joe C., early 20’s

(Joe is sitting in the small booth of a small town radio station making notes on a clipboard. Some nondescript easy listening instrumental plays in the background. Not quite Muzak, but not far from it. Joe Chapman, a slightly overweight mans, enters with copy for some commercials. He’s wearing a loose wide tie and a shirt that’s coming untucked. Even though he’s wearing a shirt and tie, he looks frumpy.)

JOE C.
I’ve got some new copy for the tags and live spots. Can you hand me the book, Joe?

(Joe hands him the copybook, a three-ring binder above the microphone and looks over Joe C.’s shoulder.)

JOE
“Uhlman’s Department store is now open till 7pm on Fridays.” This is what you do, isn’t it, Joe?

JOE C.
What do you mean?

JOE
Write the copy for all the commercials and stuff.

JOE C.
Yep, that’s what I do.

JOE
Randy said you were only 20. That you guys went to a bar and they wouldn’t serve you.

JOE C.
Randy C. said that?

JOE J.
Randy H.

JOE C.
Oh, yeah. At the Elks Lodge. It happens. Yeah, I’m only 20.

JOE
You look older.

JOE C.
I know. That’s why I try to drink in bars. I usually get away with it. I heard you got busted the other night at Ivan’s?

JOE
Yeah, well…

JOE C.
You shouldn’t order whiskey sours. That’s a dead giveaway.

JOE
I like the fruit. It’s like you get booze and a snack.

JOE C.
Order stuff like martinis or manhattans. Or you know what usually works, a rusty nail. Only old people order rusty nails.

JOE
I’ll keep that in mind. So, is this your first job out of college?

JOE C.
I didn’t go to college. My last job was playing Mr. Beefy outside of Mr. Beefy restaurants. Passing out coupons. Ever heard of them?

JOE
No.

JOE C.
I guess they’re just in Columbus. I used to wear a cow costume and pass out coupons. I was popular.

JOE
I can see that. (Joe cues up a record on the turntable) How did you get from Mr. Beefy to this?

JOE C.
My cousin knows Rob, Jr. and recommended me. Plus, I’m cheap. They pay me crap. I’ll work here a couple of years, get some experience, then try to land a job in a bigger market, like Elmore.

JOE
That’s thinking big. (Joe C. nods) Sounds like a good plan.

JOE C.
Yeah. No way I could work here all my life. Like Mike M.

JOE
It’s just Mike.

JOE C.
What?

JOE
He’s the only Mike that works here. It’s just Mike.

JOE C.
Oh, right. Oh, the East Perry Parts spot, the carburetor sale tag is still good, just change the date on it to next Friday.

JOE
“East Perry Parts, Incorporated…East Perry Parts, Incorporated…” That’s good writing.

JOE C.
Thanks.

(He exits. Joe intros the next song.)

JOE
Good news, Vacationland. We just got Steve and Edie’s greatest hits in and here’s (doesn’t remember which song he cued up)… one of them.

(Steve and Edie’s version of “Hallelujah” plays as Joe sits looking depressed. Lights fade.)

Week Nine, Day 62- "Blogger"

“Blogger”
Written by Joe Janes
3/21/09
62 out 365

CAST:
David, 30s
Kelli, 20s
Merri, 20s
Bradli, 40s

(Lights up on David at his desk at work typing away at his keyboard. He has a bandage on his right thumb. At the desk next to him is Kelli, also at work. Merri enters carrying a few files.)

KELLI
Hey, David. I forgot to ask. How was your weekend?

DAVID (slightly exasperated)
Uh, read my blog, Kelli.

KELLI
O-kay.

MERRI
Here are those files, David. Hey, what happened to your thumb?

DAVID (slightly more exasperated)
Uh, read my blog, Merri. It’s all there. Go to a-giant-among-men-dot-blogspot-dot-com. Sheesh!

(Kelli and Merri exchange puzzled looks. Bradli enters.)

BRADLI
Hey, David. Guess what?

DAVID (very exasperated)
If you read my blog, Bradli, you’d know I don’t like guessing games.

BRADLI
I read your blog. Especially all the parts about how everyone you work with is an intellectually retarded incompetent asshole with turnip mush for brains. Clean out your desk. You’re fired.

DAVID (excited)
You read my blog?

(Blackout)