Week 33, Day 225 - "Enough Rope"

“Enough Rope”

Written by Joe Janes

8/31/09

225 of 365

CAST

Crystal, 20s

Steve, 20s

Chandra, 20s

(Lights up on Crystal. She sits in her garden apartment living room in the dark looking very depressed. We can see the light from her phone as she checks it once or twice to see if anyone has texted her. They have not. The doorbell rings. She gets up and stands very still, waiting to hear if it really rang. It did and it does, again. She turns on the light from a wall switch revealing the sofa and floor littered with used tissues. She wears all black and wears heavy dark mascara. The doorbell rings, again.)

CRYSTAL

(Loudly) Just a… (Corrected to a softer tone) Just a second.

(She checks her look in a wall mirror. She quickly adds some lines of mascara, giving her more of a crying raccoon look. She goes to the door.)

CRYSTAL (weakly)

Who is it?

STEVE (through door)

It’s Steve.

(She collapses a little against the door, relieved that it is he. She unlocks the door and rushes back to the sofa where she throws herself into a melancholy pose.)

CRYSTAL

It’s open.

(Steve enters. He is a bright, nice looking guy. He carries a backpack over one shoulder.)

STEVE

Hi, Crystal.

CRYSTAL

Hello, Steve.

STEVE

You alone?

CRYSTAL

Chandra’s in her room studying for a mid-term.

(Pause)

STEVE

I got the note you left on my car. And the headless teddy bear you put in my mailbox. And I got your text. Well, texts. All of them. Even the last one.

CRYSTAL

My suicide text?

STEVE

Yah, your suicide text.

CRYSTAL

I can’t live without you, Steve.

STEVE

I can see that.

CRYSTAL

How can you throw our love away like this?

STEVE

I guess I felt like you were pressuring me to commit to a relationship with you. Two weeks of going out together may seem like a long time, Crystal, but-

CRYSTAL

I can’t help what my heart feels, Steve. And what if feels right now is… mutilated.

STEVE

I know, I know. (He sits down on the sofa.) Crystal, I hate seeing you like this. I’m sorry I broke your heart.

CRYSTAL

Mutilated.

STEVE

Mutilated your heart. I’m really sorry.

CRYSTAL

I was just about to take a warm bath.

STEVE

That sounds relaxing.

CRYSTAL

And slit my wrists. Would you do me a favor?

STEVE

Anything.

CRYSTAL

Could you run to the store and get me razor blades? The old-fashioned kind. All I have are Daisy leg shavers.

STEVE

Crystal. I brought you a gift.

CRYSTAL

You did?

STEVE

I think it will change your mind about razor blades.

CRYSTAL (cheering up)

What did you get me? A new teddy bear?

STEVE (reaching into his bag)

Even better. Rope.

(He pulls out a coil of rope with a noose on one end.)

CRYSTAL

Rope?

STEVE

The real sturdy kind. I figured you didn’t have any and using a belt or bathrobe sash is so unreliable. Plus, with rope, you can make a really cool noose, like this.

CRYSTAL

That’s thoughtful.

STEVE

And, the best part, no mess.

CRYSTAL

Guess I didn’t think about the clean up.

STEVE

This water pipe out to hold you. (He throws the rope over a pipe in the ceiling.)

CRYSTAL

Thanks.

STEVE

Now, I read on Wikipedia, that to really get the job done, you want to leave a little slack in the loop. (He grabs one of her chairs and puts it under the pipe.) That way, when you kick the chair out from under yourself, you’ll get a little jerk that will snap your neck as well as strangle you.

CRYSTAL

I appreciate you going to all the trouble. I kind of had my heart set on the razor blades though.

STEVE

That’s pretty slow, compared to this.

CRYSTAL

I really like red. And I think it would look more dramatic than a Crystal piñata.

STEVE

Hey, your death.

CRYSTAL (picking up her purse)

Would you mind running to the 7-11 for me?

STEVE

Sure thing. I’ve got it. Need anything else while I’m there? Cotton balls? Fabric softener? Porn?

CRYSTAL

No. I’m good.

(Steve puts his hands on her shoulders and gives her a quick nod.)

STEVE

Be back in a sec.

(Steve exits. Crystal takes some make-up wipes out of her purse and wipes off her face. Chandra walks in carrying a six-pack of cheap canned beer.)

CHANDRA

Hey, you turned the lights on. That’s cool (indicating rope). Was Steve here?

CRYSTAL

Yes.

CHANDRA

You kids getting back together?

CRYSTAL (sitting)

No. Not at all. I never want to see him at all. Ever.

CHANDRA

That’s the spirit. (Chandra sits next to her) Want to get drunk and watch mixed martial arts?

CRYSTAL

More than anything.

(They hug.)

CHANDRA (points to rope.)

Let’s keep that. Maybe we can stick a flowerpot in it.

(Lights fade as they pop open their beers.)

Week 30, Day 208 - “Pepper"

“Pepper”
Written by Joe Janes
8/14/09
208 of 365

CAST
Pepper, 30s
Jason, 30s
Pepper?
Jason?

(Lights up on Pepper in a smart looking running outfit complete with an iPod arm band and ear buds securely in ears. She is stretching and warming up before her run. Jason enters with his new puppy dog on a leash. He stand back and off to the side when he sees Pepper. He sits on a bench and speaks to his dog.)

JASON

There she is, Pepper. She does this every afternoon. Does she know? Does she know just how enchanting she is? Her name is Pepper, too. I named you after her. I know, I know, you are not she. But it is nice to come home and say, “Hi, Pepper, I’m home… How was your day, today, Pepper?... You look pretty today, Pepper?” And I can imagine you saying, “Hi, Jason, I missed you… Let me give you kisses, Jason… Let me curl up in your lap and let you rub my ears.” I know her name is Pepper because I heard her answer her cell phone. Very authoritative. “This Pepper… Pepper here… Pepper. Start talking.” I love powerful women. They scare the hell out of me. I so wish I knew her. It would be easier if I knew her. How do you introduce yourself to someone who doesn’t know you from Adam. We don’t work together. We don’t have any mutual friends. I could take up running, but I bet she’s fast. I’d never keep up. She probably does marathons. I couldn’t even do a fun run. It would be anything but fun. Unless watching someone clutching his side, panting and wheezing is someone’s idea of fun. I’ll bet she’s a lawyer. Something powerful. She calls the shots. You don’t mess with her. She’s taking down names. She’s on her feet all day. They probably need rubbing. I would rub them. Every day. I would make the perfect housewife… husband. Househusband. I’d greet her at the door with a refreshing beverage and ask her how her day was and fix her dinner and curl up in her lap when we watch “Dancing With The Stars” or “Nova.” Maybe someday we’ll meet like the way people meet in the movies. We’ll accidentally bump into each other and I’ll help her pick her law books and she’ll help me pick up my Redbox DVD rental. “Why, yes, I am into the film adaptation of John Grisham novels. What’s that? You’re a lawyer? We must continue this discussion over a latte. I know this little place called Starbucks. I have a gift card.” (He sighs. Pepper stops stretching and looks around.)

PEPPER

Jason! Jason!

(Jason and Pepper the dog’s ears perk up. Jason the puppy dog comes bounding up to her.)

PEPPER (continuing)

Good boy! Good boy! Let’s go for a run! Let’s go!

(They run off. Jason and Pepper the dog watch them go.)

JASON

If only we had something in common.

(Blackout)