Written by Joe Janes
6/29/09
162 of 365
CAST
Gronk, The Carpet Caveman, 50s
Oola, The Carpet Cavewoman, 50s
Bob Wilson, the Announcer, 50s
(Lights up on Gronk and Oola in their cave. These are in no way authentic looking cave dwellers. Their costumes are Rubble-esque and their wigs are quite fake. Gronk has a large plastic club that’s supposed to look wooden. Gronk is pretty much just standing there as Oola is alternating standing on one foot and making a sour face.)
OOLA
Gronk! My feet are cold!GRONK
Gronk goes bonk!(Gronk hits Oola over the head with his club with a cartoony bonk sound effect.)
OOLA
Our cave would be so much nicer if we had cavewall-to-cavewall carpeting.GRONK
Gronk goes bonk!(Gronk hits Oola over the head with his club with a cartoony bonk sound effect.)
OOLA
I’m calling The Carpet Cave people, today!(Oola picks up a big bone phone. Gronk holds off hitting her because he thinks this is a good idea and nods. The announcer steps out holding as many carpet samples as possible.)
BOB WILSON
Make your dank, cold cave into a warm, happy cave with a new carpet from The Carpet Cave. Throw rugs, floor mats, shags, weaves, waterproof, weatherproof, spill proof, whatever proof you need. Call today!(Bob Wilson steps back offstage. We focus on Oola and Gronk enjoying their new carpet.)
OOLA
Our new carpet from The Carpet Cave makes my feet happy. What do you think, Gronk?GRONK (raises his club)
Gronk says…(puts club down) that’sa nice!(He hits her anyway. There is no cartoony sound effect. The announcer begins to speak and she looks pissed. He looks increasingly more uncomfortable.)
BOB WILSON (VO)
Check out the latest in new and used carpeting at The Carpet Cave. Visit us at our newest location in the Kankakee Strip Mall on Kankakee Way, formerly the home of Sushi Explosion, in between The Burrito Bombardier and The Eggroll IED.(Blackout.)
