Written by Joe Janes
95 of 365
(Lights up on Nathan and Max working at their desks.)
MAXSo, they bring the meat right to your table and it’s on these swords.
MAXYeah, cooked. And all kinds, fillet mignon, steaks…steaks…all kinds.
NATHANSounds like my kind of place.
BLAINEHey, Max. Wanted to tell you good job on the Folger presentation. You looked good up there.
(Blaine smacks Max on the shoulder with the back of his hand and exits.)
(Max shakes his head and shivers a bit.)
MAXGay people creep me out.
NATHANOh…. Are you talking about Blaine?
MAXYeah. The guy’s a total flame.
NATHANReally? I never noticed.
MAXWell, you need to get your gay-dar fixed. That man is hungry to gnaw on my ass.
NATHANI don’t really think so.
BLAINEHey, Nathan. Here are the press clippings from the Driscoll campaign. Don’t reference all of them. Just pick two or three of the best ones.
NATHANSure thing, Blaine.
BLAINEYou’ll have that done…2-ish?
NATHANShouldn’t be a problem.
(He exits. Max sits and nods at Nathan.)
MAXSee what I mean?
NATHANHe has a motorcycle. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a gay man ride a motorcycle.
MAXYou have if you’ve seen Blaine on one.
NATHANHe has a girlfriend.
MAXCorrection. He has a wife. And she’s preggers.
NATHANSo, then, he’s probably not gay.
MAXAll that means is this… (He mimes stroking a beard.)
MAXNo. It means his wife is a beard. A front. It’s all a ruse to hide his queertitude.
NATHANMax. I have to be honest. I really just don’t see it. But even if what you are saying is true… so, what?
MAXSo, nothing. Except when he looks at me like, well, the way I look at a sword full of meat.
NATHANBut, I’ve never seen him do that.
MAXAll right. Time to open your eyes, Nathan. Call Blaine in here.
NATHANOkay. (He picks up the phone) Hey, Blaine. Nathan. Can you come here for a second? (Hangs up) He’s on his way.
(Max gets up. Bends over while opening the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. Blaine enters.)
BLAINEWhat’s up, Nathan?
NATHANUh, Max, um…
MAX (still bending and pointing his behind in Blaine’s direction)We were looking for the archival Driscoll material from a few years ago. Can’t seem to find it.
BLAINEThey’re probably not in there. I’ll have someone check in storage. Hey, are those Dockers?
MAX (righting himself, looks knowingly at Nathan)Yes. I got them at Sears.
BLAINEI like those. My wife won’t let me get them. Says they’re un-cool. Who cares, if they’re comfortable… Women.
NATHANOh, my God. You are so right. I couldn’t see it until you pointed it out to me. But, man, that was so obvious.
(They go back to work at their desks.)
NATHANIt does kind of creep me out, now.
(As Nathan continues to work, Max stares at him as if he wanted to gnaw on Nathan’s ass. Nathan’s feels Max’s eyes on him and turns to face Max. Max catches himself and goes back to work, as does Nathan.)
NATHANMeat on swords.
MAXYeah. Flame-broiled. Good stuff. I could swallow one of the swords whole. (Max steals a glance at Nathan. Lights fade.)