Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Playing with Matches


A boy playing with matches started a fire in north Los Angeles County that consumed more than 38,000 acres and destroyed 21 homes last week, authorities said Tuesday.

Read the full story HERE.

Parents all around the world are revising their "don't play with matches warnings." I recommend some of the following...

- If you play with matches, George W. Bush will come visit you.

- If you play with matches, Arnold Schwarzenegger will wet your bed while you're still in it.

- If you play with matches, you'll cause over $1 billion worth of damage and it's coming out of your allowance, Mister.

- If you play with matches, FEMA will stage a press conference that paints you in an unflattering light.

- If you play with matches, Al-Qaeda will come get you...and try to recruit you.

- If you play with matches, you'll kill 14 people, destroy 2100 homes and your parents will turn you in for the $285,000 reward for your ass.


Yesterday, I asked...

"Pamela Worden of Warwick, Rhode Island has been accused by police of stealing a parrot and doing what?"

50% said "Sewing it to a pirate costume"
- Sorry, Matey. Tis the wrong answer. Here's an obligatory "Arrrrr."

37% swore it was "Teaching it racial slurs"
- Polly, want a cracker?

No one swallowed "Eating it"
- Parrot tastes like chicken, in which case, just eat chicken.

Only 13% got the right answer "Cutting off its leg"

According to the Associated Press, prosecutors say Pamela Worden walked into a pet store in May, stole the $500 bird and later snipped off one of its legs to remove an identity tag. Prosecutors are seeking a prison sentence for Worden for possessing stolen goods and cruelty to animals. I couldn't find any information on how the parrot is doing. My hope is that it survived the ordeal, has been outfitted with a nifty peg leg, and has found a nice pirate with a matching peg leg to take care of it.