Written by Joe Janes
7/31/09
194 of 365
CAST
Ross, 20s
Annie, 20s
(Lights up on Annie sitting on the sofa and looking very sad. Ross enters carrying a bag from Burger King and sits nearby.)
ROSS
Hey, babe. Sorry, I’m late. Traffic was a bear. I brought some burgers, if you want one.(Ross takes a burger out of the bag and offers it to her.)
ANNIE
That’s okay.(Ross shrugs and unwraps the burger for himself and starts eating it.)
ROSS
Is something wrong?ANNIE
No.ROSS
I know we haven’t been going out very long, but I think I can tell something’s bothering you.(He continues eating.)
ANNIE (even sadder)
I’d rather not talk about it.ROSS
Okay.(He continues eating. Annie begins making very loud gasping, wheezing, hitching crying sounds.)
ROSS (continuing)
Oh, Jesus.(He puts the burger down and puts his arm around Annie who continues to cry loudly.)
ROSS
Honey, honey. I’ve never seen you cry before. Just, just, dear God, let it out.ANNIE
I – am – so – up-set…ROSS
At me? At me? Did I do something wrong?ANNIE
Nuh-nuh-no…. My brother…ROSS
Tim? Tim did something jerky to you?ANNIE
No-no-no…(Annie tries to cry more. It’s a bizarre mix of gasps and wheeze and pained expressions. Ross is fascinated by this. He hands her a napkin and she blows her know with much generosity. Ross turns his face away to hide his laughter.)
ANNIE
He…he…his wife left him… my, my, my…. sister-in-law….ROSS (fighting laughter)
That’s awful. That’s just awful. (Pause) Tell me more…(She now adds a slight wailing to her crying. Ross purses his lips and tries to look concerned.)
ANNIE
Betty – and – I – went- to – high – school – to-ether…How – can – she – do – this – to - him?ROSS (putting his arm a round her)
Shhh, shh. There, there. ANNIE
You’re – shake-ing-too.ROSS (getting up and stepping away)
It’s…just…so…upsetting, Divorce…and…stuff. Oh, man, I’m going to lose my burger.(He doubles over against the back of a chair, still trying to hide his laughter caused by Annie’s hysterics.)
ANNIE (calming down slightly)
You’re taking this worse than me.ROSS (turning to her)
Am I?(Annie gets up and puts her arms around him.)
ANNIE
I am so lucky to have you here.(She starts bucking and crying, again. Ross is trying to remain stiff, but we can see on his face he’s about to burst.)
ROSS
Why, why is she divorcing him?(She holds Ross’s face in her hands.)
ANNIE (more major crying)
For-some-thing-I-I-I-never-have-to-worry-about-with-you. She-said-he’s-insensitive.(That does it. Ross bursts out laughing. He cannot stop. He doubles over on the floor and cannot stop. He stops and looks at Annie’s contorted, sad, puzzled face and it makes him laugh more. He finally runs out of steam.)
ROSS
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh, my God. (Gulp) Whew! I’m so sorry.ANNIE
What’s so funny?ROSS
You are. When you cry. The wailing and the gasping. I’ve never seen anything like it. ANNIE
It’s how I cry.(Ross starts giggling, again.)
ANNIE (continuing)
Now, what’s so funny?ROSS
I was just thinking about how you cry.(He laughs some more and she exits. He continues laughing, grabs some napkins to wipe his eyes. She re-enters carrying her purse and keys. She kicks him in the anus and leaves. After she is gone, he sits still for a moment and starts crying much in the same manner as she did punctuated with the occasional giggle, but he is definitely sad about this. Lights fade.)
