Written by Joe Janes
7/20/09
183 of 365
CAST
Eric, 20s
Graham, 20s
Cheri, 20s
Tamara, 20s
(Lights up on Graham sitting at his desk working. Nearby, are two other desks, presently vacant. Eric enters.)
ERIC
Graham!GRAHAM
Hi, Eric.ERIC
Hey, Buddy. I’ve been thinking about you.GRAHAM
Okay…?ERIC
Dude, you need to go out with me this weekend. My sister’s in town.GRAHAM
You’re trying to fix me up with your sister?ERIC
You’ll thank me for it. LuAnn is so frickin’ easy.GRAHAM
Man, that’s gross. You don’t arrange for someone to hook up with your sister.ERIC
I’m doing it for you. You broke up with Louisa last year. When was the last time you got laid?GRAHAM
A year and a half ago.ERIC
Time to let a new dog gnaw on that bone of yours.GRAHAM
You’re calling your sister easy and a dog?ERIC
No, dude. It’s a metaphor. Or an analogy. She’s not a dog. Here, look. (He shows her a picture on his cell phone.)GRAHAM
That’s Loni Anderson.ERIC
Exactly. She looks like Loni Anderson. 1970s WKRP Loni Anderson. Not whatever Loni Anderson looks like now. Trust me, my sister is just what you need. You’ve been so tense lately. Let me call her. You guys meet for drinks. Her fav is Jagermeister and Sprite. I’ll tell her to wear that tube top that really shows off her boobs.GRAHAM
Me, weirded out. You, leaving.ERIC
I’m going, I’m going. Just think about it.(Cheri and Tamara enter and sit at their desks.)
ERIC
Good day to you, fine ladies.CHERI
Hey, Eric.TAMARA
Hey.ERIC
Careful with this one. He’s all wound up.(Eric exits)
CHERI
Oh, my God, Graham. Tamara and I both just got a facial. TAMARA
Rodney somehow managed to do us both at same time. It was amazing.CHERI
Incredible. You’d think he had an extra arm he was rubbing us with.TAMARA
I am so relaxed. That facial really did it to me.CHERI
I can still smell Rodney on me. GRAHAM
I’m glad you two had such a beneficial lunch break.CHERI
You have no idea.GRAHAM
Oh, Tamara, your husband called. (He hands her a note.)
TAMARA
Thank you, Graham. Oh, isn’t that sweet. Just called to say I’m thinking of you and can’t wait till tonight.CHERI
What’s tonight?TAMARA
It’s the third anniversary of when we first started dating. CHERI
That’s adorable.TAMARA
He always gets me something special. Last year, it was a pearl necklace.CHERI
Make sure you keep a tight grip on that one.TAMARA
Oh, I am. With both hands. And my teeth. (They laugh.) What are you doing tonight?CHERI
I am practicing my flute. TAMARA
Really? That’s wonderful. I should do that.CHERI
I played a lot in high school and college and decided to try it, again. I’m a little sloppy. And loud.TAMARA
Chuck doesn’t mind the noise?CHERI
Oh, no. He loves it. He just sits back in the Lazy Boy while I go to town on that flute. I put my lips on it as often as I can.TAMARA
Must be rough on your mouth.CHERI
That and all the fingering. GRAHAM
All right! All right! Just stop. Please. TAMARA
What’s wrong?GRAHAM
What’s wrong? Listen to yourselves. I haven’t had sex in over a year. I’m about to go out of my mind here. Enough with the double entendres.CHERI
Double entendres?GRAHAM
Yes! “Facials,” “pearl necklace,” “flute-ing.” You telling me you didn’t realize those things have double meanings?TAMARA
Oh, he’s right. I guess they do! I never thought of that.CHERI
That’s so funny.TAMARA
Sorry, Graham. CHERI
How awkward. We really didn’t mean anything by it.TAMARA
From now on, no double meanings. CHERI
Single meanings only. 
GRAHAM
Thank you. You know, maybe Eric is right. He was telling me how tense I’ve been. Can you give me Rodney’s number? Maybe he can fit me in this afternoon.CHERI (handing him Rodney’s card)
Well, okay. If that’s works for you.GRAHAM
What? Guys get facials, too.TAMARA
I’m sure they do, but it sounds like you need more than some guy shooting jizz on your face.(Blackout)
