Week 52, Day 364 - "Curtain Call"

“Curtain Call”

Written by Joe Janes

1/17/10

364 of 365

Cast:

Andrew, 20s

Amanda, 20s

Paul, 40s

Judy, 40s

Top Half, 20s

Bottom Half, 20s

(Lights up on Amanda sitting on a park bench. Andrew shyly walks over. They exchange cute glances. He sits. He is very nervous and doesn’t look at her. She is nervous, too. )

ANDREW

I don’t know what to say…

AMANDA

I don’t either.

ANDREW

Maybe we don’t have to say anything.

AMANDA

Maybe we don’t.

(Still without look at one another, they slowly creep their hands towards one another on the seat of the bench until their pinkies intertwine. They are excited and somewhat relieved to be doing this. Paul and Judy, a couple in the second or third row of the theater get up and start moving down the row towards the aisle. They are very polite about this, but clearly being loud and obvious enough to be a distraction.)

ANDREW (To Paul and Judy)

What are you doing?

AMANDA (To Andrew)

What are you doing?

ANDREW

I’m talking to them.

AMANDA

Stay in character. Ignore them.

ANDREW

I can’t. Everyone in the theater is watching them. (He stands.) Hey! Hey you!

JUDY

Honey.

PAUL

What?

(Judy points to the stage. Paul sees that Andrew is staring at them.)

ANDREW

Is there a problem?

PAUL

We were just leaving. We really didn’t mean to disturb you. Sorry.

ANDREW

The play’s almost over.

PAUL

I could tell. It looked like you were winding things up.

JUDY

We have a babysitter.

PAUL

We wanted to get a jump on the traffic. (Judy hits him.) Because our babysitter is expensive. She charges by the minute.

ANDREW

Look, if you don’t like the show. That’s fine.

AMANDA

That’s not fine. I want you to like the show.

ANDREW

But if they don’t, there’s not much we can do about it.

AMANDA

It might get better.

PAUL

You said it was almost over.

AMANDA

We declare our love for one another.

JUDY

You just now finally spoke. How could you possibly be in love?

AMANDA

Because my character has butterflies when she sees him.

ANDREW

Mine, too.

PAUL

Jesus, who wrote this? A twelve-year-old girl? Do you ride off into the sunset on a unicorn that farts rainbows?

(Pause)

ANDREW

He doesn’t fart rainbows.

PAUL

We’re going. Look. I’m sorry folks. We always leave early. Sporting events, funerals, plays. There. The secret’s out. We know where this is going. You get together. Hooray. We’re not going to miss anything avoiding the crowd.

AMANDA

You don’t know that for sure. It hasn’t happened, yet.

PAUL

Honey?

JUDY

Oh, Paul. I love you. There. I said it. I can’t fight my feelings.

PAUL

Judy. I love you, too. Even though we just met.

JUDY

My life was horrible and lonely until you came into my life today.

PAUL

I never knew how happy I could be until this very moment. No. Wait. I know how I could be happier.

JUDY

What is it? I would do anything.

PAUL

Marry me.

JUDY

I will!

PAUL

Then we ride off on the rainbow farting unicorn.

ANDREW

He doesn’t fart rainbows.

AMANDA

Thanks for ruining the ending for everyone.

PAUL

And then the lights go to black and pop back up and we see this! (Paul and Judy to an over-the-top version of smiling and bowing and being out of breath.)

JUDY

And it goes on forever. Especially if some jackasses stand up and clap.

PAUL

Which also makes it harder to get out of the row.

ANDREW

Thank you making a complete mockery of my profession.

AMANDA

You’re getting paid?

ANDREW

I meant that figuratively. Hey, why’d you even come to the theater? You don’t seem to like it. You were already planning to cut out early. You could have done everyone a favor and leave after the first scene.

JUDY

We know somebody in the cast.

PAUL

We’ll text them how good they were, because right now, we’re getting the hell out of here.

JUDY

Goodnight.

(They exit.)

AMANDA

Bye.

(Andrew and Amanda look at each other and aren’t sure what to do. A unicorn - two men in a makeshift horse costume – comes bursting out.)

TOP HALF

Did we miss our cue?

(Bottom Half separates and looks out into the audience.)

BOTTOM HALF

Dammit. My parents left early, again.

(Andrew and Amanda give him a dirty look. Blackout.)

Week 10, Day 65 - “Matt Needs Your Help!”

“Matt Needs Your Help!”
Written by Joe Janes
3/24/09
65 out of 365

CAST:
MATT, 30s
KELLY 30s

(Matt walks out onto an empty stage.)

MATT

Hi. My name is Matt. Hope you are enjoying the show. I need to ask for your help on something. It might sound a little odd. But it’s really important to me. My life, the quality of my life, really depends on it. I went to Disneyworld during Christmas of 1996. I went on some rides. I went on the Riverboat Ride in the Magic Kingdom. While I was on this ride, I saw a girl standing on the front of the boat on the main deck. I could not decide whether or not to ask her out. After 20 minutes, I decided not to. I now severely regret it. Severely. The rest of the cast knows how much this has been eating away at me over the years and they graciously allow me to speak to our audiences every show. Please help! I have also posted on my blog, on Craig’s List, all over the Internet. Even did flyers for awhile.

It appeared that the girl was with her parents. Assuming that it was her parents, the mother was in a blue wheelchair scooter. Her dad, if it was her dad, was fine, perfectly mobile. He wore a plain white sun visor. The parents were also on the front of the boat. (Takes a deep breath) I would like to try and locate this girl.

I drew a picture of her. (He takes it out of his back pocket and shows the audience) I added the shooting stars, rainbows and cherubs.

I have the following information on her:

* She was about 24 years of age at the time
* Caucasian, wore sunglasses
* About 5'5 or 5'6
* Hair was mostly black
* She was slim, about 120 pounds or so
* She was on the Riverboat Ride in the Magic Kingdom on December 26, 1996 at about 11am give or take a 1/2-hour
* She was on the front of the boat on the main deck
* She was with a handicapped woman in a wheelchair scooter, probably her mother, and a man in a white sun visor
* She was wearing shorts but they could not be seen because she was also wearing a black garment around her waist that covered said shorts
* She wore thongs on both her feet
* She might have 2 rings on her right hand, I cannot remember

And did I mention how time stood still and I could hear my heartbeat when I saw her? She might just be the love of my life. That once in a lifetime…thing.

I had a golden opportunity to meet this girl but I let it slip away like an idiot. This girl could be anywhere in the country. I have a feeling that she lives in Florida or somewhere in the Southeast. I don't know how this girl would have responded. It is not knowing the real truth that is bothering me.

My romantic life has been in complete limbo since I saw this vision of goddessness. I haven’t been able to commit to anyone because I always wonder…what if? What if I meet her, again? What if I someday I get my second chance?

If you have friends, family or relatives that were in Disney World in Florida on December 26, 1996 with a handicapped woman in a wheelchair scooter and a man in a white sun visor, please check with them on this.

Anyone here affiliated with a television station, radio station or news organization please broadcast or publish my plea. I want to get this out across the country. An Amber alert for my heart.

I am upset at myself for not speaking to this woman when I had the chance. Please tell your friends, and co-workers. If you think you have a lead or you know of someone who can help, please contact me-

KELLY (from audience)

Excuse me…excuse me…

MATT

Yes?

KELLY

I think that was me.

MATT

What? Are you serious? Could we bring the houselights up? (Houselights come up and Matt enters the house) NO, I don’t think so.

KELLY

I was at Disney World on December 26, 1996. I rode the boat ride. It’s the only time I’ve ever been to Disney World.

MATT

No, I don’t think so. This girl was much younger.

KELLY

It was 1996.

MATT

I’m just not seeing it.

KELLY

I even carry a picture of it. It was the last family vacation I ever took with my parents. (She shows Matt the picture)

MATT

How did you get this?

KELLY

It’s mine. That’s me with my mom and dad and Cinderella.

MATT

If that’s true, then where’s the handicapped woman, now?

KELLY

She’s dead.

MATT

This girl’s woman was very much alive.

KELLY

Not really, my mom was terminally ill then. That’s why she was in the scooter. Once more, I remember seeing you. I do. You were afraid of getting wet on the boat ride so you were wearing a yellow plastic Mickey Mouse poncho. And you were wearing a fanny pack over the poncho. And you were alone. You went to Disney World alone?

MATT

Uh, lots of people do. Happiest place on earth don’t care if you brought anyone. Oh my God, it’s you! It really is you! Wow! I never thought I would see you, again.

KELLY

My name’s Kelly.

MATT

I’m Matt.

KELLY

I know.

(Long awkward pause)

KELLY

So, you want to meet up after your show?

MATT

Gee, I would, but I have to work in the morning. (Yawns) You know how it is.

KELLY

Sure.

MATT

Well, hey, it was nice meeting you.

KELLY

Yeah.

MATT

Enjoy the rest of the show.

KELLY

Right. I’m sure I will.

(Matt gets back on stage; signals to the tech booth to bring houselights back down. He nods to himself a few times. And walks off. Blackout.)