Written by Joe Janes
154 of 365
Farmer Briar, 50s
Farmer Hicks, 50s
(Lights up on two farmers, Briar and Hicks, standing downstage looking over a field - the audience. These are not old-timey farmer caricatures – NO bib overalls! They may be wearing dungarees – yes, I just used that word – and agri-trucker caps. They stand looking and perusing the crops from where they stand.)
HICKSGovernment pays me not to grow corn.
HICKSGovernment pays me not to grow soy.
BRIARNice crop of people.
HICKSGotta grow something.
BRIARUsing the right chemicals?
HICKSYep, but I don’t think I spread it out evenly.
BRIARLooks like a boll weevil’s been chewing on that one.
HICKSNaw, I just didn’t pick it in time. It got over ripe and the hair fell out.
BRIARThat one looks funny. Don’t look like the rest.
HICKSGenetically modified. Monsanto paid me to grow it. They spliced together eggplant for the smooth, wrinkle-free skin, tomato for the rosy complexion, and silicone for the udders.
HICKSThe government pays me not to grow Mexicans.