Written by Joe Janes
88 of 365
Old Man 1, 90s
Old Man 2, 90s
Mr. Pepperwinkle, 90s
Old Woman, 90s
(Lights up on two old men in wheel chairs in the “recreation” room of a nursing home. They look out of it, bored, half asleep. Mr. Pepperwinkle, equally out of it, is wheeled in next to them by a nurse.)
NURSEThere you go, Mr. Pepperwinkle. Now, you boys behave yourself.
(They lethargically groan at this, having heard the joke a million times. The nurse exits. A moment later, an old woman pulling along an IV drip on a squeaky-wheeled stand enters and crosses in front of them and walks over to the record player. She puts on a record and waits. We hear pops and scratches and then stripper music kicks in. She then does a sexy stripper dance, using her IV stand as a pole. The men cheer when she drops her robe and teases them with her hospital gown. She pulls her colostomy bag out and swings it as if it were on a chain. They cheer more. She takes out her teeth and pretends to bite one of the guys with them. More cheering. She takes out a glass eye. More cheering. She throws off her wig as she shakes her moneymaker. More cheering. She bumps and grinds to a big finish. Instead of throwing money, the men throw prescription pills. She gathers them up along with her things and wheels herself off. The three men sit there, eyes wide, breathing heavy, smiling. Nurse pokes her head back in.)
NURSEYou boys behaving?
(They grunt in response. She exits and they slowly fall back asleep. Blackout.)