Saturday, December 26, 2009

Week 49, Day 342 - "God Hates Fags"

“God Hates Fags”

Written by Joe Janes


342 of 365


Oral, 50s

Richard, 30s

God, ???

(Lights up on Oral, a conservative religious right activist holding a picket sign that says “God Hates Fags.” Richard, a liberal Christian activist enters stage right carrying a sign. He stands next to Oral and holds it up. It says “God Loves Everyone.” He flips the sign and it says “Even Oral” with an arrow pointing toward Oral. Oral holds up his sign higher and flips it revealing “Especially Richard” with an arrow pointing toward Richard. Lights flash and we hear a loud crack of thunder as God appears between them carrying a sign. He is a short man with long white hair and beard and wearing a robe. He raises his sign we see that it says “I DO Hate Fags,” Richard is shocked and Oral is deliriously happy. God flips the sign and it says “But I Love Gay People.” God laughs. Richard and Oral look at him confused. God notices them not laughing. He shows them the “fag” side of the sign and then the “gay” side. Still no response from them.)


See, I hate fags. It’s an ugly word. And in my eyes, you’re all gay and I love all of you. (They are still not getting it. God gets pissed and breaks his sign.) I hate it when I have to explain my jokes! (He storms off.) You’re both going to hell!