Written by Joe Janes
12/25/09
341 of 365
CAST
Momma Judy, 50s
Grandpa Leo, 70s
Sister Sue, 30s
Baby Neil, teens
(Lights up on Momma Judy, Grandpa Leo, Sister Sue and Baby Neil sitting in a semi-circle. Momma Judy hands Grandpa Leo a plastic gift card.)
MOMMA JUDY
Here you go, Grandpa Leo. I got you a gift card.
GRANDPA LEO (squinting)
Ten dollars for iTunes (pronounced “it-oo-nez”). Sounds like they might have good burritos.
MOMMA JUDY
Remember, it’s the thought that counts.
(Grandpa Leo takes out his wallet, puts in the gift card and takes out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to Sister Sue.)
GRANDPA LEO
Sister Sue, here’s a twenty dollar bill.
SISTER SUE
Twenty dollars!
GRANDPA LEO
Give me ten back and you can keep the rest.
MOMMA JUDY
You’re giving her money?
GRANDPA LEO
It’s nature’s gift card. She can use it anywhere.
MOMMA JUDY
Except on iTunes (pronounced correctly.).
SISTER SUE
It’s the thought that counts, Momma Judy. (She hands Grandpa Leo eight dollars.) I only have eight dollars, Grandpa Leo.
GRANDPA LEO
You can owe me.
BABY NEIL
Where’s my gift, Sister Sue?
SISTER SUE
Baby Neil, I texted you a Merry Christmas.
BABY NEIL
That was you? There was no caller id; just a phone number and it said M-R-Y-X-M-A-S.
SISTER SUE
I’m glad you got it.
BABY NEIL
And it cost me twenty cents a text.
MOMMA JUDY
Don’t you have a gift for me, Baby Neil? It’s a tradition. Every year we do a gift exchange.
BABY NEIL
Every year we give each other worthless crap.
GRANDPA LEO
Hey-
SISTER SUE
It’s how we show we care.
BABY NEIL
Oh, then I guess I did get you something, Momma Judy. (Baby Neil reaches into his pocket and pulls out his hand flipping everyone the bird. Pause.)
MOMMA JUDY
That’s better.
(Blackout.)
