Week 52, Day 360 - "One Night"

“One Night”

Written by Joe Janes

1/13/10

360 of 365

Cast:

Jimmy, 30s

Christine, 30s

Anna, 30s

(We hear someone fumbling with keys. A door opens and a couple stumbles in and one of them flips a light switch and the lights come on. We see a Jimmy and Christine enter making out, fumbling with removing jackets.)

JIMMY (while kissing)

You are amazing.

CHRISTINE (while kissing)

Shut…up…

(They continue kissing.)

JIMMY (while kissing)

Two strangers meet in a bar-

CHRISTINE (while kissing)

Seriously, Jimmy.

JIMMY

I’m just so excited.

(Christine is about to say something and we hear a baby cry off stage.)

CHRISTINE

Your turn.

(Jimmy exits. Christine gets her self a beer. Jimmy re-enters carrying a baby.)

JIMMY

Hey, Buddy…It’s good. We’re good. This is fun.

CHRISTINE

Yeah. Fun. Being strangers meeting at a bar was supposed to spice things up.

JIMMY

I thought it did. I had a lot of fun. And now we get to play house.

(The doorbell rings. Christine opens the door and Anna comes in.)

ANNA

Hey, can I have my baby back? We’re ready for bed.

JIMMY

Sure, sure. Here you go.

(He hands the baby to Anna)

ANNA

Hey, there, Hank. How ya’ doing’? Oh, you’re such a good boy. How was role-playing night?

CHRISTINE

I think we tried too many things at once. One night stand with strangers, young couple having post-baby sex-

ANNA

Keith and I just get naked and have sex. It’s fun. Have a good night.

(She exits.)

JIMMY

Want to just get naked?

CHRISTINE

That seems so straightforward. We could play divorced couple.

JIMMY

And have massive angry reconciliation sex? Kinky.

CHRISITNE (taking out phone)

I’ll call the lawyers.

(Blackout.)

Week 44, Day 303 - "Abortion Lover"

“Abortion Lover”

Written by Joe Janes

11/17/09

303 of 365

Cast:

Al, 30s

Emma, 30s

(The stage is dark. We hear fumbling of keys. A door opens and the lights in Emma’s apartment turn on. Emma and Al are trying to move into the apartment while making out. They take off their coats and fumble their way to the sofa.)

EMMA (still kissing)

Sorry the place is a mess, Al.

AL (still kissing)

I didn’t notice, Emma.

EMMA (still kissing)

I don’t usually do this with a guy I just met.

AL (still kissing)

Me, either.

EMMA (still kissing)

Guess it’s just been so long.

AL (still kissing)

We’re only human.

EMMA (still kissing)

The wine helped.

AL (still kissing)

Wine always helps.

EMMA (still kissing)

You’re single, right? No girlfriend? No wife?

AL (still kissing)

Totally and completely single. And disease-free.

EMMA (still kissing)

Me, too. (Stops kissing) Do you have a condom?

AL

I have five hundred dollars.

EMMA

What?

AL

I have five hundred dollars. (He tries to kiss her and she holds him back.)

EMMA

I’m not a prostitute.

AL

Of course, you’re not. I wouldn’t pay that much. Oh, that didn’t sound right. Not that you’re not worth it. You’re worth more than that. Triple the amount. (Rolls his eyes.) Insert foot in mouth. The money’s in case you get pregnant. (He goes in for a kiss, again and she, again, holds him back.) You know, for an abortion.

EMMA

Whoa! Rather than spend a few bucks on a condom you’d rather spend five hundred on an abortion?

AL

Well, you know, what can I say? I really hate condoms. They’re not fun.

EMMA

You know what else is not fun… abortions.

AL

Well, no, I wouldn’t think they were. It’s a medical procedure. Sort of like getting a tooth pulled. Just saying, don’t worry, you’re covered. I’m your insurance. I’ll pay the bill and even give you a ride if you need one.

EMMA

What if I don’t want an abortion?

AL

Well, you can keep the baby, if you want. That’s your business.

EMMA

Wow. You better go, now.

AL

Look, Emma, I’m sorry if I said anything to offend you, but if you think about it… You’re what? Mid-30s? The odds of you getting pregnant are pretty slim.

EMMA

But you’d rather pay for an abortion than get some birth control.

AL

Look, you’re the one who’s not on the pill, which tells me you care about your body. As do I. That’s why I prefer an abortion to the morning after pill, which can have side effects. Side effects that may include changes in your period, nausea, lower abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, and dizziness. You get an abortion, you just walk it off.

EMMA

Al. Time for you to walk this off. Good night.

(She opens the door for him to leave.)

AL

All right, Emma. Too bad. I think we could have had some fun.

EMMA

Yeah. I’m all torn up inside. The same as if you had stayed.

AL

Call you-

EMMA

No. Good night.

(Al walks out. Emma closes the door. She sits back down on the sofa. The door opens.)

AL

I could pull out.

EMMA

If you don’t, I’ll cut it off.

(She exits into the bedroom. Al quickly follows. Blackout.)