50 Plays - June 24, 2011 10:30pm

We close out the Friday shows with some insanity, a few messes and a surprise that I can't tell you about because it's a surprise.

Friday June 24 10:30pm

Forgotten Dreams – director: David Rocco Facchini – cast: Maureen Allen, Bryan Dawidowicz, Brian Hurwitz

The Machine Breaks Down – director: Don Hall – cast: Erin Orr, Peter Kremidas VO: Paul Friedman, Peter Sagal, Carl Kasell, Melba Lara, Don Hall

Luna Teak and Tong – director: Rinska Prestinary – cast: Lacy Katherine Campbell, Rinska Prestinary

Jughead – director: Brian Posen – cast: Teagan Walsh Davis, Lisa Duke, Jonathan Hymen, Ryan Brinkerhoff

Automatic Teller Machine Machine – director: Michael A. Rose – cast: Megan Captaine, Stacey High, Keith Gatchel, KaCee J. Hudson

The Directors

David Rocco Facchini suffered major withdrawal after such a fulfilling experience directing Disco Heaven as a part of Joe Janes 365 Sketches last year. He tried to fill his emptiness in the interim by directing Planet Karate –A Butt-Kicking Play at both the Second City and Annoyance Theatres, writing and directing for his sketch comedy group *Creepy Hug, editing and producing Second City’s weekly video festival 7 Day Shorts – Chicago and even getting in front of the camera in webisodes of Two-Minute Meals with Champ. It just hasn’t been enough though, so he appreciates returning to the Straw Dog Theatre and would like to thank Don, Spanky and Pagano, along with his wonderful cast; Brian, Bryan and Mo. But mostly, David is thankful to his therapist for strongly suggesting to Joe that allowing David to direct in 50 Plays would be in everyone’s best interest. Thanks Joe.

Don Hall is the Founding Director of Chicago's fringey WNEP Theater, where he has produced over 125 World Premieres and directed 35 - 50 of them since 1992. He directs shows around town for money (or the satisfaction of directing something unique). He's also an actor and has performed in shows by Second City, WNEP Theater, The Mammals, Chicago ComedySportz, Chemically Imbalanced Comedy, Livewire Theater, and others. Don also works as the Events Coordinator for WBEZ where he has produced dozens of events and is also the House Manager/Production Manager/Audience Services Manager for NPR'sWait Wait...Don't Tell Me! and directed the Audible Feast for WBEZ featuring NPR luminariesScott Simon, Ira Glass and Peter Sagal.

Rinska Prestinary is a Dominican-American hailing from many different places but now considers Chicago her home. She started acting her last 2 years of high school and took a chance that she would find her place in the theatre world, with help from Columbia College Chicago. She was Lucky enough her Jr. year of College to land her first professional show with her new found family at Steep Theatre, where she was nominated for Supporting Actress, Best Play and won best ensemble for, In Arabia We'd All Be Kings by the Jeff Committee. She has worked with amazing companies such as Collaboraction, Teatro Vista, The Goodman, Pegasus Players among many other theatres working in full length productions to stage readings and festivals. Rinska was one of the directors of 365 Sketches. She and Joe have collaborated on projects for the Neo-Futurists and Collaboraction. Lacey and Rinska are reuniting after working with Silk Road Theatre Projects on the critically-acclaimed Scorched last year.

Brian Posen. Brian Does a lot of stuff.

Michael A Rose is a writer, performance artist, producer and musician living in Chicago IL with a cat named Dandelion. Originally from the frozen wastes of North Dakota, Michael’s plays have been produced in New York, Chicago, Portland, Denver and several other major cities. He is founder and artistic director of RoShamBo Theatre, and releases industrial and experimental music under the pseudonym Flood Damage. His debut novel entitled “Party Wolves in My Skull” will be published by Eraserhead Press at the end of 2011. He is honored to be part of this amazing event.

What's Up With This Show?

Forgotten Dreams - This is a silent scene originally written for BriKo. If that had happened, Brian Posen, one of the busiest dudes in Chicago theater, would have performed in two of the 50 Plays as well as directing a third. Unfortunately, the three members of BriKo just couldn't work out their schedule. I was ready to let the play go and move in, but I like it. It's about cavemen (cave people?) workingout the kinks in cave painting. I pitched it to David who I know to insanely creative when it comes to props and staging. He bit. He liked the script and I didn't have to place it on the deleted scenes section of the DVD, which doesn't exist.

The Machine Breaks Down - This, too, almost didn't make it into the show. This was the second piece I wrote for 50 Plays and the director was disappointed. Not so much disappointed in the piece, just disappointed that I didn't write something else for them. It was a good experience in that it helped me more clearly define what it was I was doing and that I needed to tell the directors that I wasn't customizing scripts for them, I was simply writing with them and their cast in mind. While I'm totally open to feedback, the only thing I did not want to hear from a director is "Could you write something else?" Don Hall liked the piece and swooped in to pick it up. It's about a couple in the deep pits of their relationship where all they do together is sit on the couch and face the TV.

Luna Teak and Tong - This was a buttload of fun to write. Lacey wanted to play someone evil. I wasn't sure if I was going to include Rinska on stage or not since she was also directing. Fortunately, I decided to challenge her and give her two roles to juggle on top of directing. Lacey plays an evil aunt out to force a young "suitor" to date her quite deformed daughter. I saw this in tech and Lacey really takes on this role with gusto. I look forward to seeing it with an audience.

Jughead - Imagine Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolfe? if it took place in a trailer park with rednecks. All hell breaks loose in this scene between two couples and ends in a rather explosive way. It may have you running from the theater. But don't go too far. There's one more piece left.

Automatic Teller Machine Machine - This one is both surreal and meta. In meeting with casts and directors, if they ever said, "We'd like to do something absurd, surreal or dada-esque." well, look out. To me, that's like giving a crazy person permission to stop trying to act normal and be full on crazy. This has a little for everyone. if everyone likes butoh dancing and fog machines.

For more information and to buy tickets, click HERE.

Roasting Don Hall's Chestnuts

The above picture isn't Don Hall. Well, it is. It's a Don Hall that makes and takes pictures of tea pots. I hope he doesn't mind me using his picture. I couldn't find one of The Angry White Guy that I wanted to use nor could I find any pictures from the event.

Last Saturday night, under the leadership of Anderson Lawfer, a group of Chicago artists gathered to roast the other white Don Hall. Sharing the dais with Andy and me were Dave Goss, Patrick Brennan, Rebecca Langguth, Ryan Palmer, Ele Matelan, Ryan Bolletino, Dada Xeningren(Noah Ginex) and Noah Simon as "the Jew."

It was a blast. In proper roast form, everyone takes a shot at everyone else before zeroing in on the guest of "honor." There should have been a swear job on stage. It was a wonderful blend of blue and intellect. Zings-a-plenty. My favorite one aimed at me was from Dave Goss, I believe... "Joe Janes does not let success go to his head. In fact, he doesn't let it come anywhere near him."

Kim Boler, from Bruised Orange Theater Company and an RvD acting alum, was in the audience and she mentioned how great the roast was. She was surprised by the level of creativity and just plain quality of the writing. More then what one would expect for a latenight roast at a fringe theater. She was right. Andy did a great job assembling this crew.

I got to go first which was cherry. None of my jokes had been used by anyone else and no one was tired of hearing about Don's testicles.

(WARNING: It is blue and very non-PC.)

Here's my roast...

Thank you, Anderson Lawfer, the Kato Kaelin of the Strawdog Theater ensemble.

It is a pleasure and an honor to be sharing the stage with my esteemed colleagues. Especially after such awful things happened in the world yesterday. I woke up Friday morning to see images of horrifying devastation. People running and screaming. Buildings shaking. Noah Simon was power walking by my apartment wearing bike shorts, clearly displaying his jewishness.

Patrick Brennan, whose life’s thesis is to prove being drunk can still be considered charming. Anderson Lawfer, who is the absolute counterpoint to that statement.

Dave Goss - should be operating the Tilt-A-Whirl at a county fair Dave has many tattoos. Made up of wolves and eagles. The kind of images usually reserved for fleece blankets sold at truck stops.

Elle. I love Elle. But she has told me outright that she won’t find me attractive until I’m married with children and have a pet rabbit suitable for boiling.

Rebecca Langguth – graces this stage possessing the largest set of balls of anyone here tonight. I’m not talking courage. I mean, 20-30 pound testicles. Bigger than Don’s. So large, she has to pull them up and strap them to her flat chest.

Ryan Palmer – something, something, something, faggot... I probably could have fleshed that joke out more.

Ryan Bolletino – received a bachelor of arts in theater from the University of Iowa in 1998 and he makes his living as a math teacher because if there were anything lower than waiter or temp on the rung of jobs for actors, it would be teaching in a Chicago high school. Right, Don? Don used to teach in Chicago public schools. He was let go when he was subbing a math class and tried to teach the students to count to two by showing them his balls. He lost count.

Dada Xenigren – Proving there’s a fine line between art and just acting like a tard.

I first met Don almost 20 years ago at my audition for The Second City’s Conservatory program. In an improv audition, you typically go in with a group and perform for one another and the adjudicators. I recall watching Don in a three-person scene. He was absolutely terrible. I couldn’t tell you who else was in that scene, because they barely had the chance to speak. Don steamrolled, had a default “comic” bit of being super nervous and speaking a mile-a-minute. And I thought to myself, “Well, this guy’s making the training center’s job easy. He’s clearly a “no.”” Imagine my surprise to see him at my first class. Guess Second City needed a fat guy.

If you haven’t noticed, Don talks a lot. Having a conversation with Don Hall is like talking to a radio. AM radio. He drones on with occasional bursts of Mexican music. He’s Rush Limbaugh, but he’s on our side. He’s also smarter and not as humble.

Every year, Don gets a tattoo to commemorate his birthday. He has been doing this for the past four years. (Have Don show them – FYI, Don gets simple black print tattoos, mainly of quotes he finds inspiring. For example, his last one is “Buy the ticket, take the ride.”) At this rate, he will look like the guy from Memento by the time he is 55.

I have glimpsed into the future. These are the tattoos he’ll be getting over the years to come…

Age 46 – “Still Winning”

Age 50 – “Maybe This Isn’t Such A Good Idea”

Age 60 – “Fuck This Shit”

Age 70 – “I Forget”

Age 80 – “Stroke Victim”

Age 85 – He’ll have his address tattooed to his forehead in case he wanders off

When he turns 90, the only space left for a tattoo will be his taint. His tattoo that year will be the last gasp of Angry White Guy mode and just say “Fuck Capitalism.” Unfortunately, his taint will be so shriveled up, it will look like a Nike swoosh.

I have done several shows with Don Hall. There’s that old theatrical adage that one should never perform with animals or children because they’re too adorable and pull focus. I would add Don Hall to that list. Not because he’s adorable, but because like animals and children, he won’t know his lines or blocking and will eventually poop himself.

Don Hall should never perform with animals or children because he will eventually try to fuck them. Fuck them and call it “dating.”

Everyone here has seen Don’s big balls. If you haven’t, the night is young. Here’s the thing, it’s an optical illusion. Anyone’s balls would look really big if they have an elfin-sized penis. When he tea bags a person, it’s more like dropping two Mentos into a five-gallon drum.

What I admire about Don is his ability to take an idea, embrace it and run with it full steam and with wild abandon, regardless of how horrible that idea is. Ideas such as nearly everything he’s ever directed and marriage.

Don Hall would give you the shirt off his back, regardless of the fact it’s not your size, you would never wear something like that, it smells like cigarettes and you don’t need a shirt.

Don, you are the Kirk to my Spock, the Captain to my Tennille, and the Teddy Roosevelt to my big stick.

You are my best human friend and you are the wind beneath my wings and, by that, I mean you fart a lot. A lot.

50 Plays - Alabama

Last night marked my first meeting with a director and a cast to discuss the play I'm going to write for them for "50 Plays." John Pierson assembled Eric Roth, Clifton Frei, Erin Orr, Paige Saliba and Matt Hope.

"50 Plays" will be this year's "365 Sketches." 50 ten-minute plays I write or have written will be performed at Strawdog Theater this June produced by Don Hall. The majority of them will be customized for a cast assembled by the director. Instead of 26 directors and 26 shows performed over 11 consecutive nights, we'll be doing two Thursday-Sunday weekends, each show featuring 5-6 ten-minute plays. More directors and more actors, more community building, which was the most fun aspect of last year's project.

I was nervous. Before leaving for the meeting, I carefully put my materials in my backpack, including the hoodie John Pierson accidentally left behind at Sketchfest. Made it all the way to the door of Konak's before realizing I forgot to bring it. Great. The writer shows up without anything to write on. At 8:25pm on a Sunday in Andersonville, I went scrambling to find a notebook. I found one at a liquor store that also attempted to be a modest convenience store. A two-dollar spiral notebook, later, I was back at Konak's.

I won't get into to too much detail about what we discussed. Mainly, I wanted to find out what roles the actors tended to play, what they'd like to play, their interests and special skills. The biggest surprise was when I asked the actors what they geeked out on - expecting to hear things like "Doctor Who" or "Star Trek" - Eric said feminist and queer theory. How cool is that? This is an amazing group John has put together. I also ask the director what they would like to do. What would they like to experiment with or what genre would they like to try? Keep in mind this is John Pierson. Expect an existential farce coming from this group.

I also forgot to get a picture of the whole group, so Paige and Matt are unfortunately lacking from the above picture. Oh, and the Alabama in the subject heading refers to my reference for the which one of the 50 plays this is. I thought it might be more memorable than numbers. Hard to get numbers to stick in my head, as I learned from 365.